I'm drunk thread!

[Skykid]

When you absolutely positively can't be bothered to sing in KTV, accept no substitute.

[Stevens]

What the shit? No posts in over a month?

Been at mom's on Long Island all weekend. Played hooky from work today since I couldn't get back to Brooklyn. Long story less long, I really want to play shooters but I'm fucking tired and can't seem to do anyhting but pound merlot and smoke weed.

My life is tragically difficult.

[nasty_wolverine]

fuckc samus, i mean she is hot....

[okerlo]

Last post August 2016, what?
Was drunk as fuck yesterday, slept for a few hours, now lurking the smups forum. Did some embarassing stuff on te dance floor oh well, so did others. Farewell and tata!

[o.pwuaioc]

What the shit? No posts in over a month?

Been at mom's on Long Island all weekend. Played hooky from work today since I couldn't get back to Brooklyn. Long story less long, I really want to play shooters but I'm fucking tired and can't seem to do anyhting but pound merlot and smoke weed.

My life is tragically difficult.

Yo, bud, let's bring this back.

Had one too many last night. Will probably repeat this for the future.

[Stevens]

I could have posted in here last night too.

[Immryr]

my girlfriend was out last night and i ended up cutting the top of my little finger off on a mandolin then drinking a bottle of wine and fell asleep on the sofa watching star trek tng. pretty depressing!

[o.pwuaioc]

Takes too much these days to get me drunk on a full stomach, but a few beers and whiskeys in and I'm feeling pretty good. Wife went to bed early, so I can't scratch my Metal Black itch.

[trap15]

I bought Zima. It fucking sucks. I'm getting drunk off it anyways though, gotta get rid of it somehow, and I ain't one to throw away booze.

[Stevens]

On the west coast.. Got smashed with my brother in law last night.

Good times.

[Drachenherz]

Well, not drunk...

But 2 1/2 years sober...

[Sumez]

Congrats.


I'm at 1½ days so far.

[giantw3nis]

Currently slamming beers. 12:35 PM in Detroit, MI right now. Guess I got a late start.

[Drachenherz]

Congrats.


I'm at 1½ days so far.

Keep at it (if you want to). I started exactly like this.

[Sumez]

As it stands I don't really have any reason to quit, but I admire people who make the descision and are able to stand by it.

[pestro87]

The Sonic R OST is the best

[BIL]

Underrated thread, God rest all shumps homies

[Air Master Burst]

I smoke more weed than at least 95% of the people you know, but I haven't actually been full-on drunk since that one time in 2015 when I got trashed on about half a dozen different flavors of that Lindeman's lambic and decided it was a good time to try and paint the faces on my kitbashed dark elf Blood Bowl team.

It was not a good time to try and paint faces. I'll fix them someday if I ever manage get another league going.

I won't even get started on my time drinking in the army, I got stories for days. I will leave you with this, though:

When I was living on a mountain in Afghanistan we got totally snowed in one week, and I got so high on hash with one of the locals (they don't even smoke regular weed over there, they mix it up with opium to make hash) during one of my guard shifts that I ate a bunch of spicy goat meat and Hawaiian Punch and shit myself laughing at the big shootout in Hot Fuzz. I tried to throw my destroyed shorts down the mountain, but they got stuck on the concertina wire around the OP and ended up hanging there for months before a storm finally knocked them loose. The NCOs blamed one of the other guys in the guard rotation at my BP because he was an annoying loser who got blamed for lots of stuff, and I let it slide because he was a dirty person and the punishment was extra cleaning.

[BIL]

Quality. When it's time to get blasted you can't beat good meat and your beverage of choice, it's how God and Jesus wanted it!

[drauch]

can't beat good meat!

Agreed, very hard to do drunk.

[BIL]

The most rarefied state of partaking man, the Dead Hogger

[BIL]

You know, the worst shit happens here, like buying a six pack only to discover the fucking thing is 4% ABV, so you have to order more. Embarrassing!

I'm pretty trim, 5'11 170lbs with a nice hard hog to split your little asshole rim from rim. I'm not some fatass slob who needs a moonshine IV to forget his troubles. I have to spend a ridiculous amount to get blind fucking drunk in Limeyfordshire, Crumpet Towne, Takinitupmearse-ingsham. I have the money, it's just the principle. And the VOLUME. Christ I piss and piss and piss. I'd rather ram my cock in your asshole for real just so I'd save a trip to the loo. Hard to go when you're rock-hard! I could carry you about like luggage, assuming you're not a great big fat lad. If that's the case, we'd need to wheelbarrow it, with you walking on your hands, and me greeting all and sundry with my charming AngloCaribbean lilt. You know - talking about the weather, comisserating over the footie, and making charmingly sheepish excuses for the ongoing blasphemy against God and Jesus we're committing with my big cock rammed to the hilt in your puckered arsehole. 3; (I don't think they're bothered upstairs anymore tbh, as long as you're not a kidtoucher the Big J loves you - woe to the cult of Mary on that score, I'm afraid!)

and chances are if you're a fatty, you'd be a gassy sonofabitch too, which would cause me some regret, and you a lot of pain, as the hard rod in your lower bowel brooked no passage what-so-ever. Only so much regret, though. You better believe I know how to disengage and escape while your filthy arsehole spews like the Exxon-Valdez! Probably before your time, that. It's pretty similar, though - big hard shaft rams in, disgusting brown shite spews out, only you'll be all alone in the street with starving dogs licking your beany gravy arsehole out while I jog on to the nearest chippy.

Back home when I wanna get fucking pissed, BOOM, Stingray Brewery, four bucks and away we go. This is really disappointing, England. No wonder Queenie popped off, the old dear must have been disgusted in you. It's enough to wilt a man's stiff prick, almost. Almost.

[drauch]

Rock hard after reading that! Ready for the exciting sequel.

[BIL]

Next time I will CUM PREPARED The EU really did a number on the once-proud land of drunken hooliganism. Then again the bastards never needed more than lemonade to kick off anyway. 3;

[BIL]

You know what gets around those blown-out slack-arsed EU regulations on booze ABV? WINEY WINEH. I don't know how it works, I just wanna get my fuckin load on for once in my fucking life since I moved to this shithole. "MO MONEH LMAO" they said back home. They were right, have to admit. Shame the beer is fuckin donkey piss. Actually I'm pretty sure the noble beast of burden's urea might give a superior kick, properly fermented. More a question for the lads in prison. Isn't it funny how the RAEPED IN UR BUMHOLE LMAOOOO thing is so Burger-centric? I know plenty of lads inside, they're perplexed at the notion.

Hm. I wonder if it's as bad as they say for the Yanks. Maybe it is, I really couldn't say. All I know is it's some hilarious shit. Well no it isn't, probably some poor souls who deserve nothing like a big stiff cockerel up their pooper. This is a burden I'll carry to the pearly gates. "Welcome my son, pls confess" "M'lord I tried to be good, but I crack up uncontrollably at American History X" "Harumph, yes, I see, but you do fell bad about it" "Yeah! I always did 3;" "All is forgiven my son" AWWWW SHEEEEEIT

It doesn't matter what comes / Fresh goes better in life / With Mentos fresh and full of life! HNNNNNG CUMMIN IN THAT TIGHT BOIPUCCIE

[Lander]

Isn't it funny how the RAEPED IN UR BUMHOLE LMAOOOO thing is so Burger-centric? I know plenty of lads inside, they're perplexed at the notion.

Natural consequence of abandoning the evolutionary ramrod that every british gentleman stores up his backside.
Leave that space empty, and who knows what'll find its way in.

[BIL]

Ahh, indeed. Cushion Pincher Ryuu - a stable defense against buggering bunkmate bastards, as ballyhooed in Burgerland! Try it on with an iron-cheeked pom, you'll pull back a bleeding stump! Those poor sods. I mean taxation without representation is some bullshit, but talk about baby/bathwater etc!

[Blinge]

BIL man what is it with you and bumming-in-transit lately!??

[BIL]

God forgive me Burinju, after some two decades' return to my ancestral homeland THE BUMMER ISLES, I think I may have finally gone native (■｀w´■) A wanly procedural BOWCAT FI DEAD in the streets, a flaming BITE THE PILLOW SON I'M GOIN IN DRY in them sheets

[Rob]

while your filthy arsehole spews like the Exxon-Valdez!

Unexpectedly Alaskan and very appropriate reference for a drunk thread.