Tell us the daft crap non shmuppers say about the genre

[TrevHead (TVR)]

When I was in college, my professor bought his kids a Wii. He asked what game to get, and I said to download R-Type and once the kids beat that, they get another game.

Now that's just cruel.

it is a bit isnt it lol. Ild find it wikedly funny if the teacher really did take his advice to heart and the poor blighters were only 6 years old and had a pad with a faulty d-pad to do it with. Probably the child protection agency would end up getting involved.

[gs68]

One of us should teach a college course on shmups. (Hey, if there's one for Starcraft, we can have one for shmups!)

The final exam will be to 1CC something, and if you try to continue, it will be flagged as an academic integrity violation.

[lgb]

resurrection of old post

Looks like your run-of-the-mill danmaku, and the guy playing it just REALLY sucks at it.

This is actually half-right. SA is hard for a Touhou game, and that's about it. 'course this guy could just be a CAVE fag which is about as bad

If a game relies on players to challenge themselves, there's something wrong

wait what

[Taylor]

I think ncp was just listing quotes, that was a comment on the Mushihime-sama Futari stage 5 boss on ultra. I checked the video to make sure and it only took a couple of comments to increase my blood pressure substancially.

[Exarion]

1:20 onwards is like copying a certain "someone" from touhou 12

nevertheless, yep, this boss is hard, but touhou pwns this in epicness =D

Yeah, a boss in a video uploaded 3 years ago is a copy of a boss in a game released one year ago. That video will produce and endless amount of this stuff.

[quote"MasterOfBastards@youtube"] If people expect to be perfect and attempt to get all achievements for this game, it won't happen because of this video that you showed us. No one can survive that. This is the true reason why this game was banned from the United States.[/quote]

It's region free, and the DLC is on the US marketplace. People have attained all the achievements.

I"m sorry but this isn't a hard boss. This is what the gaming world likes to call a quarter burner. The entire point of this boss is to get people to spend dollar after dallar [sic] to beat. He wasn't made to be challenging he was made to make major money. A person who gets to the end of the game has the final boss to beat and wants to see the end is the only person who plays that boss.

That's not the way to play a game.

[TrevHead (TVR)]

If a game relies on players to challenge themselves, there's something wrong

wait what

That comment is totally fucked up, ive got a urge to throttle whoever made that comment originally

[cul]

I recall reading a review of Ikaruga which basically said 'the games too easy, you literally press one button and once it's finished there's nothing more to do'. Unless this guy is a bullet eating god I'm assuming the one button he pressed was 'start' at the continue screen.

That's basically every shmup reviews written in video games magazines.

Not long ago I did read a review of Mushi Futari which was around the lines of: "you finish the game in only 20 minutes, it has no replay value".

[gs68]

If you want a true quarter muncher, go play Sega AM2's games from the 80's; those ARE designed around creditfeeding. No continue penalty of any sort, and you can buy in extra lives in mid-credit.

After Burner Climax could pass for a quarter muncher too; the Score Attack mode in the XBLA/PSN ports do away with limited lives.

[Evrain]

I tend to not play with people buzzing around me, mainly because with that little free time I have I hardly ever come to discuss shmups and games in general with others.

This changed when I had a new guy rent the second room at my house: great guy, got along pretty well and so on. Once, he found me furiously hammering at bloody Garra on MAME (yup, still an ESP Ra.De./Progear no Arashi whore at heart) and stopped to watch. I was amused to see all the standard "oooh's" and "whoah that's insane!" comments, but that was it - he was way too traumatized to say anything at the end. Was surprised to hear no "dude, just hook up Gears of War/Modern Warfare/Imagine Babysitter instead of this japanese shit".
Two weeks later, I found out that not only he had begun regularly playing Raiden on MAME, but also pulled down a copy of ESPGaluda which he regularly plays daily. And to make things worse, whilst playing a soccer match with colleagues...

Me: "That shot was way too fast for me to stop, it was like the ball had shrunk all of a sudden"
Him: "Yeah, that was just too much. Looked like an Hibachi bullet"
*jaw hits the ground with a loud thud*

I don't even want to think he went on and played DOJ.

[nash87]

there's a review of raiden 3 i watched on (i'm pretty sure) G4 a long time ago. and oh my gawd. I never laughed so hard in my life. in this review I remember them not being able to figure out why you could rotate the screen. I have an image in my head of them playing upside down. This was actually brought up during the review of the game! I also remember them not understanding the point of programming both ships to 1 controller.

someone please find this review for the sake of this thread. I'm sure the blood pressure of a lot of people reading this thread need to be lowered with a bit more humor from the average retarded american. that, and i want to see it again so bad. the first time i watched this it was with a friend who of course knows nothing about shmups other than that, "the bug game with the half naked chick has a lot of akuma hadouken bullets. most them are just ghosts bullets though because you can pass right through them for the most part." and he could not understand why i was laughing at the review so hard since he thought all their questions about the screen and dual play option and etc actually made sense. i did explain everything to him in the end (including the magical ghost akuma hadouken bullets)

his response was "you play silly games that take too much skill and money"
my response to that "and you play mortal kombat"
he has no response to this, just looks embarrassed and decides to change the subject

[Exarion]

there's a review of raiden 3 i watched on (i'm pretty sure) G4 a long time ago. and oh my gawd. I never laughed so hard in my life. in this review I remember them not being able to figure out why you could rotate the screen. I have an image in my head of them playing upside down. This was actually brought up during the review of the game! I also remember them not understanding the point of programming both ships to 1 controller.

someone please find this review for the sake of this thread. I'm sure the blood pressure of a lot of people reading this thread need to be lowered with a bit more humor from the average retarded american. that, and i want to see it again so bad. the first time i watched this it was with a friend who of course knows nothing about shmups other than that, "the bug game with the half naked chick has a lot of akuma hadouken bullets. most them are just ghosts bullets though because you can pass right through them for the most part." and he could not understand why i was laughing at the review so hard since he thought all their questions about the screen and dual play option and etc actually made sense. i did explain everything to him in the end (including the magical ghost akuma hadouken bullets)

his response was "you play silly games that take too much skill and money"
my response to that "and you play mortal kombat"
he has no response to this, just looks embarrassed and decides to change the subject

Found it! They don't mention dual play, but they do complain about tate options

So are we supposed to turn our TV on its side?
Do they expect us to play lying down?
Maybe it's not such a good idea to have your customers lying down while playing a cheap port of an old arcade series

[TrevHead (TVR)]

I think ncp was just listing quotes, that was a comment on the Mushihime-sama Futari stage 5 boss on ultra. I checked the video to make sure and it only took a couple of comments to increase my blood pressure substancially.

I just had a quick look at that vid aswell. And it took all of 3 seconds before i felt like throttling someone lol. Plus the touhou tards seem to be out in force recently as if to wind me up. THEIR MOCKING ME DAMMIT!!!


EDIT watched that Raiden 3 vid, thats a shitty review as in it metions fuck all about the game only about the TATE option.

Hehe i started this thread to have a good laugh at the dumb fuckery but all its doing is increasing mine and everyones else blood pressure. Why does shit like this get on my wick (and everyones) so much? i should be able to laugh it off. Maybe im getting to be a cynical, bad tempered, ranting bastard in my old age?

[toaplan_shmupfan]

Something like not being able to figure out the Raiden III Tate options is, IMHO, just sad for a game review. Okay, so if one hits start while in-game, then selects Display Options, they get the display options Normal A/Normal B/Arcade A/Arcade B with no explanations, and the mode changes as soon as they select it and Hit Square or Circle. But, if they actually went to Options--something I would expect a competent game reviewer to do--the Screen Mode section of Options provides descriptions that are more than good enough:

Normal A: An arcade screen adjusted to fit a into regular TV screen.
Normal B: Screen has been strectched to the sides to allow for easy playing.

(The next two screen modes turn the screen sideways as soon as they are selected, but even when read sideways there is more than enough information...)

Arcade A: Set to fit an arcade screen, or a vertically positioned TV screen.
Arcade B: Frequency has been set to fit that of a vertically positioned TV screen. Left & Right sides have been cut.

[Mad Mage]

I've gotten so tired of people asking why I have two 360s, that I've taken to lying to them. I tell them it's for the "blast processing", and when they ask what that is, I tell them it links the Xboxes together to give my games even better graphics

[emphatic]

I've gotten so tired of people asking why I have two 360s, that I've taken to lying to them. I tell them it's for the "blast processing", and when they ask what that is, I tell them it links the Xboxes together to give my games even better graphics

That's awesome. They do deserve it too.

[nash87]

Found it! They don't mention dual play, but they do complain about tate options

lol! not exactly as i remember it. I could of swore they were just as confused about dual play and had two people playing one controller. since the idea of having one person control two ships never occurred to them.

thanks for the link

[ShmupSamurai]

I have just spotted some sheer half-assed buffoonery in the form of a statement about us shmup fans that reviewer Todd Ciolek of this X-Button article on Anime News Network (ANN) wrote in his review of Espgaluda II (XBox 360 JP release) from March 17, 2010:
Quote:
They claim that shooters like ESPgaluda II are meant to be played and mastered to the point where you can finish them on one credit. These people are all insane. If a game relies on players to challenge themselves, there's something wrong, and good designers don't let players walk all over their games.

To me, that is just utter, insultingly repulsive, brain-dead sacrilege horsecrap right there, because:

1) Some shmups are MEANT to be cleared on one single credit, especially with some good, good practice and skill on mastering the levels one by one right from the word “GO!” on the first stage. It takes some time and study of such games as you play them, and that is where your learning experience for each really comes in.

2) Shmups are SUPPOSED to give you some damn good, balanced challenge that slowly raises from moderate to hard and then some as you go right along (especially where the difficulty rank is concerned, too!), giving players and even newcomers plenty of time to get used to the game’s levels and thereby increasing their own skills and even allowing them time to enjoy the game more and more. And yes, this *applies* to bullet-hell shooters, too!!

And if a shmup is either too easy or has unbalanced, stupidly frustrating difficulty all throughout, than what’s the damn point in having to play it much in the first place, hmmmm!?

As for that reviewer there, somebody oughta get him fired for having the FRICKING nerve to call us insane deliberately... wow, to say that something is wrong with him is an understatement! WHAT A FORSAKEN-ASS NUT-JOB, I must definitely say as far as I am concerned about that reviewer there on that!!! !!

I mean, listen, I have reviewed certain freeware games from years back (and have even been one of the judges of SHMUP-DEV Competition 2k7 Round 2 over at the Shmup-Dev forums, previously! ), and known firsthand that the important thing to do when writing your reviews is that you *never* insult a certain gaming audience, even if you have not played a shmup before in your life or don’t know those people, either. BOTTOM LINE, period

*facepalm* What have these people been smoking the last few years?!

Al I ever hear is Halo this or CoD that, yet u won't treat classic shmups the same way??
HOMING LASERS FOR EVERYONE!!!!

[MrPopo]

[quote="Exarion]Found it! They don't mention dual play, but they do complain about tate options

So are we supposed to turn our TV on its side?
Do they expect us to play lying down?
Maybe it's not such a good idea to have your customers lying down while playing a cheap port of an old arcade series

[/quote]
I laughed at the guy who fell over trying to rotate his TV.

[cul]

These people are all insane. If a game relies on players to challenge themselves, there's something wrong, and good designers don't let players walk all over their games.

And this, kind sirs, is why most new video games today suck ass. Interactive button mashing, press X TO JASON.

[Evrain]

These people are all insane. If a game relies on players to challenge themselves, there's something wrong, and good designers don't let players walk all over their games.

And this, kind sirs, is why most new video games today suck ass. Interactive button mashing, press X TO JASON.

Not even that, pal: now we hve AUTO PLAY from Nintendo, so expect the next DDP to have a similar function where you just have to sit down, much popcorns and watch as Hibachi gets annihilated. I suppose he also loudly swears at you whilst dying for being, like, totally a cheater.

[gs68]

I've been more closet about my shmup accomplishments lately. I don't like people who can't clear stage 2 of a Touhou game on Normal moodo calling me some sort of godlike, secretly-Japanese robot, nor am I a fan of the terms "masochist", "insane", etc. being used to describe someone who takes on challenges.

As mentioned many times before, I believe that part of the "danmaku = insane" attitude comes from people who think the best way to introduce people to bullet hell is through TLBs.

Tomorrow, I'm doing a presentation in game design class (a class that's less awesome than it sounds) on rRootage. I'm showing a video of a Stage 1 (if I get permission from the instructor to show a YouTube video) as part of the demonstration. Anyone telling me "show a Stage 0!" or "do Touhou instead, and show Lunatic mode!" can quite frankly go fuck themselves with a Seimitsu.

[Ebbo]

Not even that, pal: now we hve AUTO PLAY from Nintendo, so expect the next DDP to have a similar function where you just have to sit down, much popcorns and watch as Hibachi gets annihilated. I suppose he also loudly swears at you whilst dying for being, like, totally a cheater.

You do know using Super Guide in NSBMW and SMG2 is purely optional, right? It could be compared with any superplay of some shmup and I'm pretty sure anyone who has played shmups for score has watched those in some point.

[TrevHead (TVR)]

you may realise this but i bet many of the same gamers wholl credit feed and say the games beaten wont know any better. That is unless nintendo have done what arcade devs havnt and actually tell the gamers who bubble up that they suck and need to play the game again not using it. (why shmup devs dont do this i dont know, im starting to think maybe i am been elitist with the whole 1cc thing)

[Evrain]

Not even that, pal: now we hve AUTO PLAY from Nintendo, so expect the next DDP to have a similar function where you just have to sit down, much popcorns and watch as Hibachi gets annihilated. I suppose he also loudly swears at you whilst dying for being, like, totally a cheater.

You do know using Super Guide in NSBMW and SMG2 is purely optional, right? It could be compared with any superplay of some shmup and I'm pretty sure anyone who has played shmups for score has watched those in some point.

I was using it as an example for the almost generalized degeneration of videogames, difficulty-wise
Of course, Bayonetta is an example of the "almost" Moreover, I wouldn't define it like a Superplay: first I master the game, then I watch a SP or two and try to find out everything that I just can't find out on my own... and then, comes the challenge of integrating what I learn into my playstyle, something very different than just watching "how it's done" and doing it exactly like that.

[monkeyman]

I recall reading a review of Ikaruga which basically said 'the games too easy, you literally press one button and once it's finished there's nothing more to do'. Unless this guy is a bullet eating god I'm assuming the one button he pressed was 'start' at the continue screen.

That's basically every shmup reviews written in video games magazines.

Not long ago I did read a review of Mushi Futari which was around the lines of: "you finish the game in only 20 minutes, it has no replay value".

True enough and I kind of expect that. But what made this review stand out is that it didn't even mention polarity switching which is the games central mechaninc! (they also didn't mention chaining but that wan't a huge surprise). Kind of like reviewing Mario and not mentioning you can jump (you just run to the right - this sucks).

[EPS21]

I recall reading a review of Ikaruga which basically said 'the games too easy, you literally press one button and once it's finished there's nothing more to do'. Unless this guy is a bullet eating god I'm assuming the one button he pressed was 'start' at the continue screen.

That's basically every shmup reviews written in video games magazines.

Not long ago I did read a review of Mushi Futari which was around the lines of: "you finish the game in only 20 minutes, it has no replay value".

True enough and I kind of expect that. But what made this review stand out is that it didn't even mention polarity switching which is the games central mechaninc! (they also didn't mention chaining but that wan't a huge surprise). Kind of like reviewing Mario and not mentioning you can jump (you just run to the right - this sucks).

You can't beat mario without jumping at some point. However, you can beat (most) shmups without knowing anything at all about scoring.

Imagine if mario had an arcade style continue system... would todays incarnations of him be even easier to deter people from continuing, or harder to let everyone credit feed and only the hardcore to "1cc" the game?

[Mad Mage]

You're nit-picking. If you'd rather, reviewing Ikaruga without mentioning the polarity change is like reviewing Half Life without mentioning there are weapons other than the crowbar. Frustrating, and not how the game was meant to be played.

[Evrain]

You're nit-picking. If you'd rather, reviewing Ikaruga without mentioning the polarity change is like reviewing Half Life without mentioning there are weapons other than the crowbar. Frustrating, and not how the game was meant to be played.

Half-Life revolves around the Power of Awesomeness of the crowbar itself...

[gs68]

Unfortunately, there are a number of games in which having more fun or getting better scores means playing the game in a way that was not intended to be played.

Cases in fact:
F-Zero X WTFness
"Guideline" Tetris games: Making Tetrises is bad for you of course no one cares because "it's just Tetris"

[Mad Mage]

Half-Life revolves around the Power of Awesomeness of the crowbar itself...

And Ikaruka is fun to play with dot eater, but I wouldn't review it that way.