Worst games ever - the threaddening

[Ed Oscuro]

Wow, Super Empire Strikes Back is a lot less good than I had expected - at least through the tauntaun stage. Now, there's no good reason other than my foolishness why I had to die repeatedly on the first bottomless gap, but even one death to an inescapable pit which only opens up well below the rather poorly laid-out screen...that's one too many.

In case you haven't remembered this game, after the well-enough handled Mode7 intro scenes you're cast into an essentially featureless ice landscape populated by miniature ice pterodactyls, ice hogs, and occasional deadly ice flowers (that get you running / riding quickly past) and ice hedgehogs. Then you come up across a bunch of bouncing giant snowballs - lots of places for that snow to get rolling across that flat Hoth landscape, you know? - and these aren't a problem at all. What's a problem is the strange little rock overhang formations you use to get out of the way are built up over some giant pits later on, and when you have to tackle these, you also have to cope with your sprite suddenly becoming approximately half as wide as the screen and snuffling.

You know, bottomless pits are kind of merciful by comparison with falling into a pit of spikes you can't jump out of. You don't want to see Luke Skywalker with a big icicle up his dingus, but this game comes far too close (he just kind of fairy-bounces over them, enough to get the point across). That, and the Tomb Raider "sliding dead into glass shards" animation, are definitely more horrific than the slide-whistle worthy typical disappearance of Berumondo into a pit. *Dracura death jingle*

Dragon Unit is like a spastic rock 'em sock 'em simulator.

God, I just realized Sword of Sodan is like it's real sequel or something. Yeah...that animation, man.

Still not getting to grips with Swoad Masta here...someday it'll happen.

[Specineff]

Wow, Super Empire Strikes Back is a lot less good than I had expected - at least through the tauntaun stage. Now, there's no good reason other than my foolishness why I had to die repeatedly on the first bottomless gap, but even one death to an inescapable pit which only opens up well below the rather poorly laid-out screen...that's one too many.

Something I always found funny was how it looked like Sculptured Software used less and less sound channels with each subsequent game.

[NuclearPotato]

Funny bad games? I recommend WWE 2k14, The games gravity is just so messed up, Sometimes wrestlers will randomly fly or glitch through the ring. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tvgs5beaDgk
It doesn't seem bad, But compared to the older wrestling games it's horrible.

Actually, for all it's glitchiness, 2K14 comes out looking like roses next to the previous few installments in the series (For those wondering how a game like this could get this glitchy, Yukes were just updating the same old creaky engine they've had since the PS2 era, probably due to lack of pay from the collapsing THQ). You want to see a bad wrestling game that stands out as horrid no matter what you compare it to? You're looking for WCW Backstage Assault, the game so bad, it doesn't even have a ring:

http://youtu.be/u4X1eC5wdkY

[trap15]

Shmup related I would say Bioship Paladin.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcmFJa9UcZI

Can't believe the Space Battleship Gomorrah /BSP hate. It's a neat game for sure with awesome music. That video link has totally fucked up music. It's not really a shooter like other shooters you guys are used to. It's very unique and VERY UPL. Play some Atomic Robo Kid, Mutant Night, Gomola Speed (pc engine game) and Gomorrah and you might "get it"

The music is great, I agree. As a game it's like trying to drive a mini-van through a motorcycle practice course. Of course, strange and quirky games are UPL's thing, but this is one where it doesn't manage to work.

[Lord Satori]

Funny bad games? I recommend WWE 2k14, The games gravity is just so messed up, Sometimes wrestlers will randomly fly or glitch through the ring. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tvgs5beaDgk
It doesn't seem bad, But compared to the older wrestling games it's horrible.

Actually, for all it's glitchiness, 2K14 comes out looking like roses next to the previous few installments in the series (For those wondering how a game like this could get this glitchy, Yukes were just updating the same old creaky engine they've had since the PS2 era, probably due to lack of pay from the collapsing THQ). You want to see a bad wrestling game that stands out as horrid no matter what you compare it to? You're looking for WCW Backstage Assault, the game so bad, it doesn't even have a ring:

http://youtu.be/u4X1eC5wdkY

Oh dear god... I think 95% of that game is licensing and only 3 extra people were left over to make the actual game.

Seriously, though. That made me want to vomit.

[gameoverDude]

I spent a bit of time with Pac Man 2: The New something-something today. It didn't take much to figure it out, and I spent a good bit of time laughing at how dumb Pac-Man is (especially when I don't know how to use the Look command). It's an odd duck - real-time adventure title with slingshot-based cursor control - but did anybody say it was one of the worst games ever? It's certainly nothing like a traditional Pac-Man game, and nothing like Pac-Land either...but I can't help but like it for being so goony.

And yeah, Hercules N64 is something else. I kinda like it though - especially that they apparently put more thought into unique ways to make life hell for pirates, than they did into the basic game design.

The best part of Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures is pissing Pac-Man off by hitting him with the slingshot one too many times. LOL at the way he cusses you out. Doing this is actually required to get by a few spots.

It probably would've been better if they turned it into Pac-Land 2.

I've heard the Beverly Hills Cop game on the Amiga isn't so great. From a longplay on Youtube it looks super-sluggish especially when you get to the FPS level. Shame... I'd rather have seen Capcom get the license in the mid 90's to use for a CPS-II beat-em-up, similar to The Punisher with occasional gunplay. Maybe a game that ties the first two parts of the BHC series together.

[BareKnuckleRoo]

I almost forgot about this:

There once was a company called Unlimited Software Inc. They made a couple of incredibly bad DOS ports of otherwise good games. And then they were never heard from again. And there was much rejoicing. (They actually made a few other things in the 90s but nothing really noteworthy.)

The DOS port of Outrun feels incredibly sluggish on steering response. It's less of a car you're driving and more of a dead whale with wheels. The PC speaker soundtrack is also pretty horrendously done, having some weird tempo and off-key issues on top of the quality being what you'd expect from PC speaker (no Sound Blaster option here). The Lotus III DOS soundtrack had both a PC Speaker and a Sound Blaster/Adlib option, and it did a much better job with the soundtrack. By rapidly oscillating between high and low notes, the Lotus III soundtrack simulated multiple audio channels really effectively, whereas the composition in Outrun sounds so... flat.

The sad part is the graphics for the Outrun actually aren't bad. If the game controlled better, it wouldn't have been a complete disaster.

They also made a port of Castlevania that features awful block-by-block scrolling that makes everything incredibly choppy compared to the original. No, it's not the video quality, that's how it actually plays. Apparently it supported actual sound cards, though the only time I played it it was playing PC speaker. It's surprisingly... playable. Just really really unpleasantly choppy. I've played other games in my youth with this kind of scrolling that don't feel as bad, but that's probably because they weren't quite as slow...

[Marc]

Dangerous Streets, Amiga. Possibly the worst game I've ever had the misfortune to boot. I'll never get those two minutes back.

[Ruldra]

I'm trying to remember the name of this Rastan-like game I played as a kid, it was probably for the Master System. It had a very slow character and even doing some simple jumps was difficult to do. You'd easily get stuck and enemies would finish you off. I had a high tolerance for shit games back then but still thought it was awful.

And another vote for Sword of Sodan. The name was unfamiliar but a quick peek on youtube brought back all the supressed memories.

[Smraedis]

The Cisco Heat port on C64 isn't too good.

[apatheticTurd]

Red Heat on the Amiga is the perfect game for those that thought Altered Beast is too complex and not homoerotic enough.

[Khan]

Ive got nearly 1500 games on steam but none worse than this POS

Alien Hallway http://store.steampowered.com/app/98900/

It got to the point where I wanted to bash my head against the desk it was truly terrible probably sigma teams worst

[system11]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1Z66CkYYy4

House Of Usher for the Atari 800XL. This game is worse than ET, as you'll see from the video one way to die is to try to climb past the top of a ladder.

[BrianC]

The Cisco Heat port on C64 isn't too good.

It definitely looks like a bad port, but the arcade version doesn't look too hot either. The scaling looks awkward and cuts off part of the view a good chunk of the time. Also, 90 degree turns?

[Marc]

No really, the C64 is possibly one of the worst 'games' ever coded. The arcade was awkward, but actually the most ambitious use of sprite scaling outside of Sega.

[Khan]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1Z66CkYYy4

House Of Usher for the Atari 800XL. This game is worse than ET, as you'll see from the video one way to die is to try to climb past the top of a ladder.

Must be one slippery ladder causing him to fall off the top like that id have probably bashed my keyboard to smithereens at that point.

[gameoverDude]

Power Drift on the Amiga & ST gets a Dishonorable Mention. It's obvious that they should have stripped the graphics down somewhat to get a playable framerate.
Amiga PD is quite choppy, looks even worse while you are turning corners, and it's easy to get confused. While all the BGM is present, each tune is on the wrong course (you get course B BGM for A, and A's track on course B. What's the deal? Also the BGM restarts with each new stage.) The C64 version actually is smoother playing. Sega should've had Chris Butler do an SMS version.
Amiga Power Drift'
Amiga vs C64 *cue Fighter's History announcer voice* AMIGA... LOSES!

[SuperGrafx]

Ikari Warriors 2: Victory Road (NES)

Goddamn, this was NOTHING like the arcade.
I remember trying to talk this game up as a kid so my parents would let me buy it.
"Look mom, it even has REAL SPEECH and MORSE CODE!!!" -- so said the text on the box.

I remember the day when I finally got a copy and plugged it into my NES.
Holy hell, what a major letdown.
Not only did the game barely resemble the arcade original, but the it was riddled with glitches, poor animation, and some bizarre shop system.
Oh, and that infamous speech and morse code bit? Ugh, two or three garbly phrases and the morse code was simply used in the intro part.

I think this is the game that finally taught me to take game developer's claims with a grain of salt.
This horrid game still leaves a bad taste in my mouth, even to this day.

[Despatche]

oh man one of these

-secret of mana because even after 21 years noone seems to notice how pointless its entire gameplay system is. sd3 is MUCH better
-golden axe because you have to play the game perfectly to get anywhere in it, and perfection in this game is the most annoying shit ever. ga2 is a little more tolerable, ga3 is actually a lot WORSE. people like to condemn the relatively decent juuouki and praise this game and that is wrong wrong wrong

My favourite is Samurai Zombie Nation.

zombie nation actually isn't bad, just weird

Shmup related I would say Bioship Paladin.

iirc not a bad game but a somewhat annoying one

Evergrace 2/Forever Kingdom (PS2)

yeah this thread got derailed real fast. evergrace ii is a lot better than what is already a pretty decent game

Ikaruga.

why does there always have to be that one guy in these threads

Akalabeth

now THIS is a fucking post

What makes it even worse is that it actually got sequels!

the sequels are actually decent iirc. also 2 has like one of the best composers ever

Hercules: The Legendary Journeys

i heard this game is actually decent. and as the video suggests i remember a few speedrunners talking about it. hm

Superman 64 has a perfectly functional, serviceable versus multiplayer mode that everyone seems to have collectively forgotten the existence of. Bizarrely, it involves Superman and other characters piloting flying bumper cars/bathtubs that shoot lasers, but controls much better than the main game. Good luck rounding up three other people for a session, though.

wow

I dig DoRéMi Fantasy, and I impulse bought Milon Secret Castle on the NES because of the comforting Hudson logo and the fact that I had heard DoRéMi is "spiritually aligned" with it or something.

Lousy programming, found it boring and completely unplayable. Why people would refer to this as an okay game of yesteryear, or as something that's "not that bad" is beyond me.

because it's not. you went in expecting doremi fantasy, which it is not... what "lousy programming"? yes it's a sequel, no "spiritually aligned" about it

The music is great, I agree. As a game it's like trying to drive a mini-van through a motorcycle practice course. Of course, strange and quirky games are UPL's thing, but this is one where it doesn't manage to work.

you also swear up and down that acrobat mission is terrible and that ashura blaster is ok

Ikari Warriors 2: Victory Road (NES)

the wonderful world of micronics

[BIL]

Did Zombie Nation fix the comically shitty controls of Abarenbou Tengu, or something? (<-- SERIOUS QUESTION) Otherwise calling it even decent is a hell of a stretch.

I mean, I can appreciate that it's meant to feel like you're skidding about on black ice, with optional driver assists depending on difficulty level - but it still makes for a bad game. The sad thing is that otherwise it's got plenty of good points. I'd totally have the FC version by now if it hadn't shat the bed so fiercely on the interface front.

[Ruldra]

I never actually played these, but from what I've seen on youtube, they look terrible: Earnest Evans, Planet Joker.

-golden axe because you have to play the game perfectly to get anywhere in it, and perfection in this game is the most annoying shit ever.

Golden Axe is awesome and has no place in this thread.

[antron]

Mystique(company)

[BIL]

You know, bottomless pits are kind of merciful by comparison with falling into a pit of spikes you can't jump out of. You don't want to see Luke Skywalker with a big icicle up his dingus, but this game comes far too close (he just kind of fairy-bounces over them, enough to get the point across). That, and the Tomb Raider "sliding dead into glass shards" animation, are definitely more horrific than the slide-whistle worthy typical disappearance of Berumondo into a pit. *Dracura death jingle*

OG Prince of Persia is the ultimate happy medium - you can't jump back out of that pit because YOU DEAD MUHFUCKA. Terminal velocity make you all omae wa mou shindeiru an' shit. Or perhaps the similarly voyeuristic (if not as gory!) CV64, subtitle It's A Bad Day To Be A Berumondo.

[Ed Oscuro]

You know, bottomless pits are kind of merciful by comparison with falling into a pit of spikes you can't jump out of. You don't want to see Luke Skywalker with a big icicle up his dingus, but this game comes far too close (he just kind of fairy-bounces over them, enough to get the point across). That, and the Tomb Raider "sliding dead into glass shards" animation, are definitely more horrific than the slide-whistle worthy typical disappearance of Berumondo into a pit. *Dracura death jingle*

OG Prince of Persia is the ultimate happy medium - you can't jump back out of that pit because YOU DEAD MUHFUCKA. Terminal velocity make you all omae wa mou shindeiru an' shit. Or perhaps the similarly voyeuristic (if not as gory!) CV64, subtitle It's A Bad Day To Be A Berumondo.

Did you ever see the extended title? "What a horrible night to be a magical girl / sensitive wolf man / extra from Berserk or something / wearing armor bought at Sears & Roebuck (like the 1890s version of Hot Topic and Targét rolled into one, man!) / but I'm still happier than being in an Eeguh game"

[Squire Grooktook]

That made my day.