Small problems of a lifetime...when you least expect it and you find yourself in a shojo

[Sengoku Strider]

I hear he's done a lot of good work since!

Definitely. I was on his Patreon for a while, I drifted off when he went to a more general gaming format and more focus on character action games I don't get excited about. But I do credit him with leading the charge against input lag in contemporary console ports. With emulation being much less prevalent in Japan I get the distinct impression a lot of devs there weren't really conscious of it as a specific or meaningful issue until people started reaching out to them directly on Twitter, and his channel and community were the closest thing to a regularly beating drum that could provide measurements on that matter. Certainly people talked about it elsewhere and he wasn't the only one counting lag frames, but I don't know how many Japanese devs brave this joint, Twitter mains aren't on a platform that favours anything more than 6 hours old, and so much of the rest of shmupworld discussion is hidden away on Discord.

He also just got the Hellblade dev to take the legal warning against streaming out of his game, he definitely has a platform and associated community people are listening to.

Some anti-depressants such as Zoloft would best benefit in your case, Lemnear. Just inquire with your primary care physician/general practitioner and get the proper prescribed meds to get on with your life for the better. Good luck in your future endeavors wherever life takes you down the road -- there will always be peaks and valleys in the so-called "road of life" -- that is to be expected. Keep a sunny disposition and positive outlook on life -- keep your head held up high.

PC Engine Fan X! ^_~

I would add the proviso that meds can be a help but they aren't a fix, they're just a helping hand out of the rut. The real work comes in dismantling the frames of reference us people build up around ourselves that create those negative distortions about our personalities and our worlds. So much of our self image gets built up during infancy when we have young parents who haven't figured themselves out yet. Or during primary socialization in school, when impressions about how our still-developing personality fits into society are constantly reflected back to us by other still-developing personalities with no broader perspective on life or much learned subtlety in communication. Figuring out how to see where a lot of our ideas about ourselves and about people in general came from is where the actual transformation starts to get done.

[BIL]

But I do credit him with leading the charge against input lag in contemporary console ports. With emulation being much less prevalent in Japan I get the distinct impression a lot of devs there weren't really conscious of it as a specific or meaningful issue

Sadly, decade-plus outliers M2 and Hamster aside, I think modern console emulation tends towards nostalgia tourism. Media darlings Digital Eclipse made some appalling comments re: that TMNT collection. (paraphrased: "+9f lol lmao deal with it who cares") I personally enquired of a patch for this broken product, and was informed that, at < 2yrs, it was "super old" and would never be fixed.

CC got rightly bopped for Success Tribulation, but I respect their GTFOing when ACA Metal Black came outta nowhere like a cosmic godfish, +0.5f ramming speed per TZW_Guile and T3_CYR_WIZ. Self-preservation, I'm sure, but it beats arrant dereliction handwaved because flyer scans.

He also just got the Hellblade dev to take the legal warning against streaming out of his game, he definitely has a platform and associated community people are listening to.

I've been given the impression that wasn't a legal threat, just a no spoilers request that Mark blew into a nontroversy. As in, compared the dev to Sauron in his since-privated video. Shame about the subsequent Steam review-bombs. I was tempted to buy a copy on principle. Actually you know what, fuck this. Just did. Now I'm less disgusted. EDIT: I see two were retracted, that's good.

I assume this is why he does better off on his own. He was the same way here, back then. Big proclamations, awkward reactions when questioned. Old pattern seen time and again. Goompaolo trying to get Dick Stock shut down was my favourite.

[Lemnear]

Spoiler

Glad to see you back, Lemnar for a minute I was worried the they might judge me vibe may have looped back around and scared you off!

Depression and low self esteem are a tough thing to deal with; I've been through my own - ostensibly as a result of having my social support structure toppled a couple times by well-meaning but ultimately misguided parents, plus the usual school bullshit for seasoning - and it's one of those things where others can try all they might to help, but it's on you to actualize it and overcome. A real catch-22, since being depressed is itself an incredibly potent demotivator.

For me, getting over it coincided with finishing university, and reframing my terms of self-worth from 'prove yourself deserving of romantic love' to 'prove yourself a capable person'.
Writ short, I was a mediocre student until I could take a course I cared about, so ended up as the smartest idiot studying Games Tech at the University to the West of Giving a Fuck.
Got the mortar board and Piece of Paper w/Honours, but it was a poor joke both academically and socially. That long-distance relationship started and ended somewhere in the middle year; a reprieve while it lasted, but worse after.

The resulting system shock combined with the dead-end environment is ultimately what did it, I think; got me hyper-focused on my craft, which ultimately became its own wellspring of self-confidence through refinement.
There wasn't an "Okay I'm going to fix it" or corresponding "I'm okay now" moment, so much as an eventual realization that I was identifying myself differently; a worthwhile person by virtue of what I choose to do (ergo, am), and by extension worthy of romantic love should it arise, rather than my own base worth being conditional on finding someone compatible in the human chaos.

Now, I wouldn't call it a smooth landing. More 'one you can walk away from', so it's probably better taken anecdotally than aspirationally

I should perhaps take it in the same way, as something temporary...

I'd say less 'temporary' and more 'uncertain', since temporary implies a known end, but uncertain could go either way.
Not a satisfying answer, since not knowing is one of life's greatest pains, but it beats dooming yourself into a hole, or setting up fragile expectations!

strange how i look at my depression and my perennial duality on Light and Darkness (i believe that if i abandoned the "dark" side i would have ruined all the suffering i have undergone... it's a warning, a sort of inner strength!).

I think the duality is a fundamental human nature thing. Bad experiences play a part in defining us, but I don't think they're worth clinging to; even absent present-and-active personal demons, baggage tends to stick around and act as a compass of its own accord.
In the end, we're still a bunch of confused, angry monkeys trying to figure out what "Type-I Civilization" even means; struggling with that is a natural part of it.

But also watch out for the voices inside you that tell you you're not good enough. Whoever you are, you're descended from a countless series of ancestors going back way before the first civilizations that other people wanted to mate with.

That's a really interesting way to frame it; the very state of being alive means standing atop a foundation of desirable mates. Every one of them just as flawed and human, most like!

Maybe i just need to run less, put some pieces back together, throw away the superfluous pieces and start linking things together...or YOLO and who cares (isn't the world on the brink of extinction?)

Some anti-depressants such as Zoloft would best benefit in your case, Lemnear.

for some reason if i read Zoloft i think of Zorotl, the blue alien from Blue by Eiffel65 lol..there is a new doctor here that everyone praises, he will definitely prescribe it for me.

anyway maybe the "Charming Prince" (i can't understand if he is dumb or not yet...maybe he's just good-hearted) will come here (and this definitely makes me feel better), since i live in a tourist area °^°
Surely there is less risk of him killing me :v ..maybe

Good to hear back from you Lem! I wouldn't move away from where you are, it looks like Progear's first stage.

I don't know what went down with Mark MSX, that was before my time here.

Standard-issue Dramatic Forums Exit™. I hear he's done a lot of good work since!

That does overlap with the cave-stg stuff I brought up in the icy thread. Things really peaked with Deathsmiles, and it was all downhill from there. With the genre completely dead in the commercial scene, if we want anything new, we'd have to make it ourselves.

Kalikan being one of the major new games, when it'd have just been considered a "neat" project before, is really a sign of the times : /

To devil's advocate slightly, more new STGs wouldn't quench the burning ardour of the Full Shumpers that Sumez mentions. Those guys would be happy as clams if everyone was hitting older games like the figurative heavy bags they are. There's many hundreds, well above the kusoge sediment layer, and without even factoring emulation, where you can go full monster mash and pledge your allegiance to the graveyard smash. Then you can share your findings here!

You know in Wayne's World, when Wayne opens a door at the donut place, revealing a hangar full of ninjas drilling all Tough And Cool, admiring them before he closes it and returns to his goofy VHS-lovin' day? Some guys remain in that doorway yelling at the donut randos that they all fuckin suck, before departing for a life of glamorous and highly-paid adventure. There's arguments over this stretching before the '05 reset, aka last Tuesday. "Weak Western Shmuppers" and "I Got Gripes Wit U Guys" are decent remnants.

Ban The Movies Thread Its Making Western Shumpers Weak :[

More commerce would just mean more casual fuck-and-chuck, to quote these angry bois. It's just a fundamental problem of the universe. Or not.

Another topic should be opened about this:
"How to spread SHMUPS & ARCADES to a broader and modern audience?"
Both for a cultural and historical question. I don't accept that modernity has brought me to a very boring Hellblade 2....the fact that they removed any part of the game...but still call it a video game
and i don't even like the modern prejudice about movies or games where "if they look old then they suck and are for old people".
The thing is that if i play an old game, i feel like i'm playing a board game or something similar (or a sport simulator)...a modern game on the other hand is a kind of interactive TV series.
The difference is that a board game is a GAME, a TV series (or film) is NOT a game...

[BIL]

Another topic should be opened about this:
"How to spread SHMUPS & ARCADES to a broader and modern audience?"

"We have such sights to show you" >;3



Unpopular thread.

[Arino]

Just meet him and find out. Simple. Probably best invite him to yours so there is no risk involved.
Btw are you really a woman? Like a real one. Just wondering.

[Lemnear]

Just meet him and find out. Simple. Probably best invite him to yours so there is no risk involved.
Btw are you really a woman? Like a real one. Just wondering.

Maybe i convinced him to come here, the sea convinces anyone.
Yes, and i'm not even the only one, there are at least 2-3 besides me.
As if a hobby were relegated only to one gender... according to this logic there shouldn't be female car drivers, and instead (then if you come from Motor Valley it's even easier)

[Sima Tuna]

My sister is as much a gamer as me. She just likes different genres. But we meet in the middle on RPGs. I have to admit that I probably influenced her interest in gaming as kids. Older sibling privileges.

[Arino]

Just meet him and find out. Simple. Probably best invite him to yours so there is no risk involved.
Btw are you really a woman? Like a real one. Just wondering.

As if a hobby were relegated only to one gender... according to this logic there shouldn't be female car drivers, and instead (then if you come from Motor Valley it's even easier)

I was just asking because I have noticed there are a lot of trans women in some gaming communities.

What kinda games does he play? The guy you have a crush on.

[PerishedFraud ឵឵]

I'll keep this as simple as possible.

Don't trust anything online. People can lie to your face for years with no effort. A voice call means nothing, a video call shows that the person is serious, but they might be serious about lying to you. All info can be faked.

You wanna get with this guy? Don't move to him, visit him. Keep visiting him. Do it until you're sure he's what he says he is. Ask everything you can, but do it slowly. Only then can you make a real decision.

That is the advice I have. Hopefully it is applicable to your case. Stay strong in general too. I'm glad you're ok.

[Arino]

I'll keep this as simple as possible.

Don't trust anything online. People can lie to your face for years with no effort. A voice call means nothing, a video call shows that the person is serious, but they might be serious about lying to you. All info can be faked.

You wanna get with this guy? Don't move to him, visit him. Keep visiting him. Do it until you're sure he's what he says he is. Ask everything you can, but do it slowly. Only then can you make a real decision.

That is the advice I have. Hopefully it is applicable to your case. Stay strong in general too. I'm glad you're ok.

She shouldn't even visit him because she might get catfished. Meaning she might travel a long distance and then he won't even show up. That's why I said she should invite him to hers, or somewhere near hers.

[PerishedFraud ឵឵]

One can alternatively arrange a date someplace public to start with. It's not the visiting that's the problem per-se, but the idea of getting into someone's home with no safety guarantee. For a no-show-up situation, that's not too bad. If you truly care about the person/relationship, a single trip to confirm if they exist would be worth it (or so I assume. of course, I don't know people's financial situations).

[Lemnear]

Just meet him and find out. Simple. Probably best invite him to yours so there is no risk involved.
Btw are you really a woman? Like a real one. Just wondering.

As if a hobby were relegated only to one gender... according to this logic there shouldn't be female car drivers, and instead (then if you come from Motor Valley it's even easier)

I was just asking because I have noticed there are a lot of trans women in some gaming communities.

What kinda games does he play? The guy you have a crush on.

I was about to make a list then i realized that i can reduce everything to "Activision" (from Call of Duty to Crash Bandicoot)

[Lemnear]

I'll keep this as simple as possible.

Don't trust anything online. People can lie to your face for years with no effort. A voice call means nothing, a video call shows that the person is serious, but they might be serious about lying to you. All info can be faked.

You wanna get with this guy? Don't move to him, visit him. Keep visiting him. Do it until you're sure he's what he says he is. Ask everything you can, but do it slowly. Only then can you make a real decision.

That is the advice I have. Hopefully it is applicable to your case. Stay strong in general too. I'm glad you're ok.

She shouldn't even visit him because she might get catfished. Meaning she might travel a long distance and then he won't even show up. That's why I said she should invite him to hers, or somewhere near hers.

in fact he will probably come, being in a tourist area it is much more attractive than going to the "rich industrial city", the problem is the possible suffering afterwards...

[Sima Tuna]

Have him get his own hotel/motel. Go on dates/days out in public places. Get to know each other. Ask about the cops. Ask about previous relationships. Any other uncomfortable questions you wanna ask in person to see the reaction off-the-cuff. Look at it this way: it's a chance for you to get out and spend time in this tourist city you live in, and for him to sightsee too. If things work out with a relationship then fine but take it slow. If things fall through, then at least the two of you had a nice time sightseeing. Getting to know somebody on the internet still means you start at square 1 when you meet in real life. Might not think that's so, but it is. Internet chat doesn't mean a thing.

Hell, you might meet us all in real life and think we're total wankers! We only appear less so on this forum!

[Lemnear]

Have him get his own hotel/motel. Go on dates/days out in public places. Get to know each other. Ask about the cops. Ask about previous relationships. Any other uncomfortable questions you wanna ask in person to see the reaction off-the-cuff. Look at it this way: it's a chance for you to get out and spend time in this tourist city you live in, and for him to sightsee too. If things work out with a relationship then fine but take it slow. If things fall through, then at least the two of you had a nice time sightseeing. Getting to know somebody on the internet still means you start at square 1 when you meet in real life. Might not think that's so, but it is. Internet chat doesn't mean a thing.

Hell, you might meet us all in real life and think we're total wankers! We only appear less so on this forum!

I don't know, everyone says that, but i don't have a second way of being, the way i write here is the same as how i behave outside of here , i don't understand why people have this kind of double life between IRL and digital hahaha
However we will probably share it together, a simple B&B...if...and when he decide
I hadn't calculated anything, in reality i wasn't even thinking about possible relationships etc. and now the possibility of ruining everything scares me... strange, there wasn't even this problem before

I've always had a lot of curiosity about a lot of people here, people of the world, there are those who have traveled far and wide, those who have collected the rarest things on earth, those who live in Japan... usually online communities are anything but this

[Lander]

Maybe i just need to run less, put some pieces back together, throw away the superfluous pieces and start linking things together...

Kicking yourself into sticking to the difficult thing, even in the face of an easy out, is a good move in the bigger picture.
I've disassociated and peaced out from things before, and in some cases it's the right thing (ex. ditching dickish argumentative rabble forums for System11), but in others - like doing what you can to stay in touch with a frustratingly-difficult-to-reach old friend - it'll eat at you less if you can say you tried, even if it doesn't work out for whatever reason.

(isn't the world on the brink of extinction?)

Staring down the void (rather than simply into it - aggressive screaming optional) can be a source of strength in itself, if you're a certain kind of nihilistic like that Night In The Woods game with the animal band. Though it seems like one of those 'ignorance is bliss' things.

I don't know, everyone says that, but i don't have a second way of being, the way i write here is the same as how i behave outside of here , i don't understand why people have this kind of double life between IRL and digital hahaha

There's a saying often misattributed to Japan that goes something like:

You have three faces. The first face, you show to the world. The second face, you show to your close friends, and your family. The third face, you never show anyone. It is the truest reflection of who you are.

Though in actuality it seems to have come from a Jesuit missionary

[The Japanese people] are so crafty in their hearts that nobody can understand them. Whence it is said that they have three hearts: a false one in their mouths for all the world to see, another within their breasts only for their friends, and the third in the depths of their hearts, reserved for themselves alone and never manifested to anybody.

Not exactly flattering

So while lacking in proper psychological grounding, I've always found it quite apt. To strangers and loose acquaintances, I probably come off as dull, being the closed nerdy type. To close friends and shmup peers, considerably more animated. And to myself... That's for me to know (Though an artist's impression might look something like this on a good day. Or is that just face #2 speaking? Couldn't say, guv!)

My sister is as much a gamer as me. She just likes different genres. But we meet in the middle on RPGs. I have to admit that I probably influenced her interest in gaming as kids. Older sibling privileges.

Must be nice to have family within the gaming overton window; more or less all of mine are out on the "toy for kid" side of it.

The exception being my brother-in-law; 10 years my senior and pulled to the edge of the graph by association, but you can see his eyes light up when R-Type or Slap Fight just so happen to be running free play attract mode on a visit

[Arino]

Have him get his own hotel/motel. Go on dates/days out in public places. Get to know each other. Ask about the cops. Ask about previous relationships. Any other uncomfortable questions you wanna ask in person to see the reaction off-the-cuff. Look at it this way: it's a chance for you to get out and spend time in this tourist city you live in, and for him to sightsee too. If things work out with a relationship then fine but take it slow. If things fall through, then at least the two of you had a nice time sightseeing. Getting to know somebody on the internet still means you start at square 1 when you meet in real life. Might not think that's so, but it is. Internet chat doesn't mean a thing.

Hell, you might meet us all in real life and think we're total wankers! We only appear less so on this forum!

I don't know, everyone says that, but i don't have a second way of being, the way i write here is the same as how i behave outside of here , i don't understand why people have this kind of double life between IRL and digital hahaha
However we will probably share it together, a simple B&B...if...and when he decide
I hadn't calculated anything, in reality i wasn't even thinking about possible relationships etc. and now the possibility of ruining everything scares me... strange, there wasn't even this problem before

I've always had a lot of curiosity about a lot of people here, people of the world, there are those who have traveled far and wide, those who have collected the rarest things on earth, those who live in Japan... usually online communities are anything but this

For safety reasons (not for our entertainment!), I think you should live stream the date with a hidden camera. Also then we can always advice what you should do or say next.

[neorichieb1971]

I have been through this episode of relationships online. I met both my wives online.

The 1st one was American and it didn't work out. Marriage lasted 5 years and I moved from the UK to the USA. I stayed in the USA 6 years from 2000-2006.
My current marriage is a Filipino lady and we are hanging on since 2011.

My advice is to follow your heart as long as you are comfortable being where ever that relationship is. Geography plays a big part, don't think that one person can replace everyone else. It doesn't work like that. The love and power might be strong now, but if it fades your eyes will be opened and reversing what you have done thus far might be difficult.

In any relationship and I give this advice a lot. Don't only judge the person, judge the friends they keep, their family members as well. Because if you end up being serious you will be married or related to them as well. A great circle of family and friends can help you along the way, but if they repel you for any reason, you'll hate life. If you only know about the person don't commit to anything at all. Seriously, just learning about a single person and believing everything they say without it bouncing off of others is messed up and prone to failure from the get go. When I met my 1st mother in law, she told me to run for the hills within hours of meeting her, but I ignored her obviously but at least I knew where I stood with her.

Life isn't a fairystory.. and in my experience the first thing you need to figure out is if when you row with your oars, if you're both going to go in the same direction, beacuse thats building a life. If you end up rowing in different directions, you'll be fighting and going round in circles getting nowhere. So make stage 1, stage 2 and stage 3 goals early on.

[Lemnear]

For safety reasons (not for our entertainment!), I think you should live stream the date with a hidden camera. Also then we can always advice what you should do or say next.

but no!!!, things are going great even if there's nothing "concrete" yet, but it's helping me a lot anyway :<
Now until the 31st i'm working for a temporary agency that practically made fun of me, it seems like they didn't have any staff and called whoever they could, but i'm not suited for this job and it's killing me.
Then there's a lot of mobbing, as long as they pay what they have to because the salary was high... after that, screw them

I have been through this episode of relationships online. I met both my wives online.

The 1st one was American and it didn't work out. Marriage lasted 5 years and I moved from the UK to the USA. I stayed in the USA 6 years from 2000-2006.
My current marriage is a Filipino lady and we are hanging on since 2011.

My advice is to follow your heart as long as you are comfortable being where ever that relationship is. Geography plays a big part, don't think that one person can replace everyone else. It doesn't work like that. The love and power might be strong now, but if it fades your eyes will be opened and reversing what you have done thus far might be difficult.

In any relationship and I give this advice a lot. Don't only judge the person, judge the friends they keep, their family members as well. Because if you end up being serious you will be married or related to them as well. A great circle of family and friends can help you along the way, but if they repel you for any reason, you'll hate life. If you only know about the person don't commit to anything at all. Seriously, just learning about a single person and believing everything they say without it bouncing off of others is messed up and prone to failure from the get go. When I met my 1st mother in law, she told me to run for the hills within hours of meeting her, but I ignored her obviously but at least I knew where I stood with her.

Life isn't a fairystory.. and in my experience the first thing you need to figure out is if when you row with your oars, if you're both going to go in the same direction, beacuse thats building a life. If you end up rowing in different directions, you'll be fighting and going round in circles getting nowhere. So make stage 1, stage 2 and stage 3 goals early on.

THIS was the notice i was looking for!
Eh...i have no real long term plans for my life (as one), that's the problem, it's too late now maybe and i can only try crazy things and live in the moment and then die soon hoping not to regret the choices i made.

[neorichieb1971]

For safety reasons (not for our entertainment!), I think you should live stream the date with a hidden camera. Also then we can always advice what you should do or say next.

but no!!!, things are going great even if there's nothing "concrete" yet, but it's helping me a lot anyway :<
Now until the 31st i'm working for a temporary agency that practically made fun of me, it seems like they didn't have any staff and called whoever they could, but i'm not suited for this job and it's killing me.
Then there's a lot of mobbing, as long as they pay what they have to because the salary was high... after that, screw them

I have been through this episode of relationships online. I met both my wives online.

The 1st one was American and it didn't work out. Marriage lasted 5 years and I moved from the UK to the USA. I stayed in the USA 6 years from 2000-2006.
My current marriage is a Filipino lady and we are hanging on since 2011.

My advice is to follow your heart as long as you are comfortable being where ever that relationship is. Geography plays a big part, don't think that one person can replace everyone else. It doesn't work like that. The love and power might be strong now, but if it fades your eyes will be opened and reversing what you have done thus far might be difficult.

In any relationship and I give this advice a lot. Don't only judge the person, judge the friends they keep, their family members as well. Because if you end up being serious you will be married or related to them as well. A great circle of family and friends can help you along the way, but if they repel you for any reason, you'll hate life. If you only know about the person don't commit to anything at all. Seriously, just learning about a single person and believing everything they say without it bouncing off of others is messed up and prone to failure from the get go. When I met my 1st mother in law, she told me to run for the hills within hours of meeting her, but I ignored her obviously but at least I knew where I stood with her.

Life isn't a fairystory.. and in my experience the first thing you need to figure out is if when you row with your oars, if you're both going to go in the same direction, beacuse thats building a life. If you end up rowing in different directions, you'll be fighting and going round in circles getting nowhere. So make stage 1, stage 2 and stage 3 goals early on.

THIS was the notice i was looking for!
Eh...i have no real long term plans for my life (as one), that's the problem, it's too late now maybe and i can only try crazy things and live in the moment and then die soon hoping not to regret the choices i made.

Its not uncommon for folk to get entangled in meaningful emotions online. I'm proof of that, but I only semi succeeded on my 2nd go at it. My marriage is strong in that we need each other, and do love each other, but we are different people in real life to what we were in the online days via webcam and chats. My wife thought I would stop playing videogames and buying lots of them as well, but that didn't happen. So in the end she supported 3 trips to Japan so she could get something out of it as well. We are stronger together, than we ever were apart... If that is what will work for you, do it.

[Lemnear]

For safety reasons (not for our entertainment!), I think you should live stream the date with a hidden camera. Also then we can always advice what you should do or say next.

but no!!!, things are going great even if there's nothing "concrete" yet, but it's helping me a lot anyway :<
Now until the 31st i'm working for a temporary agency that practically made fun of me, it seems like they didn't have any staff and called whoever they could, but i'm not suited for this job and it's killing me.
Then there's a lot of mobbing, as long as they pay what they have to because the salary was high... after that, screw them

I have been through this episode of relationships online. I met both my wives online.

The 1st one was American and it didn't work out. Marriage lasted 5 years and I moved from the UK to the USA. I stayed in the USA 6 years from 2000-2006.
My current marriage is a Filipino lady and we are hanging on since 2011.

My advice is to follow your heart as long as you are comfortable being where ever that relationship is. Geography plays a big part, don't think that one person can replace everyone else. It doesn't work like that. The love and power might be strong now, but if it fades your eyes will be opened and reversing what you have done thus far might be difficult.

In any relationship and I give this advice a lot. Don't only judge the person, judge the friends they keep, their family members as well. Because if you end up being serious you will be married or related to them as well. A great circle of family and friends can help you along the way, but if they repel you for any reason, you'll hate life. If you only know about the person don't commit to anything at all. Seriously, just learning about a single person and believing everything they say without it bouncing off of others is messed up and prone to failure from the get go. When I met my 1st mother in law, she told me to run for the hills within hours of meeting her, but I ignored her obviously but at least I knew where I stood with her.

Life isn't a fairystory.. and in my experience the first thing you need to figure out is if when you row with your oars, if you're both going to go in the same direction, beacuse thats building a life. If you end up rowing in different directions, you'll be fighting and going round in circles getting nowhere. So make stage 1, stage 2 and stage 3 goals early on.

THIS was the notice i was looking for!
Eh...i have no real long term plans for my life (as one), that's the problem, it's too late now maybe and i can only try crazy things and live in the moment and then die soon hoping not to regret the choices i made.

Its not uncommon for folk to get entangled in meaningful emotions online. I'm proof of that, but I only semi succeeded on my 2nd go at it. My marriage is strong in that we need each other, and do love each other, but we are different people in real life to what we were in the online days via webcam and chats. My wife thought I would stop playing videogames and buying lots of them as well, but that didn't happen. So in the end she supported 3 trips to Japan so she could get something out of it as well. We are stronger together, than we ever were apart... If that is what will work for you, do it.

I couldn't describe this work better than this...

in all respects. There is the boss who mobbies and exploits us... and he literally has henchmen who almost always control us and push us to do more and more... endless hours.
I have no idea how I'll do it until the 31st, but it serves as a milestone for this journey