Movies you've just watched

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Lander
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What the fuck did I just watch

Post by Lander »

Star Wars Episode IV.5: The Holiday Special
A harrowing found-footage docudrama following the struggle of a Wookie family attempting to maintain the facade of domestic bliss beneath the thumb of Imperial martial law.

In an act of directorial genius, the creators opted to omit any form of subtitling, translation, or pacing from this compelling two-hour slice of life.
All must be sacrificed on the altar of variety, and sacrificed it was - for dancing punchinellos, grandpa's sexy VR ASMR blowout, a four-armed man in drag with enormous fake tits, and even CARTOON BOBA FETT ZOMG.

Better yet, this copy was - at some point - preserved in VHS form, coming with a generous helping of artifacting and era-appropriate US ad breaks for that potent second-hand nostalgia.
It was a hopeful and idealistic time, full of locally-produced goods with catchy theme songs and reasonable prices.

...It begins to drag around the five minute mark, but what a trip. I give it a 5 on the Lumpy scale, Merry Life Day everybody.

Image
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HWOARG is the only term in my lexicon metal enough to describe those first ten seconds :evil:
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Vexorg
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by Vexorg »

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery: ***1/2

I actually liked this one more than I liked Knives Out, which I did enjoy but felt that it leaned a bit too much on the old Whodunnit cliches, and also had too many suspect characters to develop any of them properly. This one feels tighter with only a few characters, a much more interesting environment, and it also helps that Daniel Craig has had more time to develop the character of Benoit Blanc so he no longer seems like James Bond with a bad fake Southern accent. It's clear that the character borrows heavily from Sherlock Holmes at times (including the tendency to indulge in self destructive habits when lacking the mental stimulation of a case to solve) but I'm pretty sure that could be said of most of the detective characters in fiction.

Standard issue dudebro tech billionaire Miles Bron invites five of his company's benefactors (and for some reason the co-founder whose interest in the company he managed to steal to his private island/ego temple (the "Glass Onion" from the title) for a weekend getaway to solve a murder mystery. Somehow Benoit Blanc gets invited as well and shows up, and the Jessica Fletcher Syndrome which follows such detective types means that soon there's actual murder to solve, and as usual everyone's a suspect. It is nice that they do make these "Fair play" mysteries and give the viewer all the clues to solve it themselves if they can piece it together. A couple more comments in spoilers:
Spoiler
My favorite part of the movie was when Benoit Blanc just completely dismantles Miles Bron's rather amateurish fake murder mystery at the dinner table within a couple of minutes as it's being introduced, basically derailing the whole weekend.

That said, much of the premise of this film is rather ridiculous. First of all, there isn't a space agency on Earth that would allow someone to just instantly perform a manned launch in an untested vehicle, much less one powered by a completely unknown fuel. Second, even that weren't the case, it seems like Andi could have just sat around for a few weeks, let the whole Klear launch go up in flames (literally) and then show up with her magic napkin and get a big "I told you so!" out of the deal. Probably not a great time if you happen to be one of the astronauts sitting on the Rocket to the Boom, but it seems like at least Andi could have ended up a lot less murdered in the process.

This guy seems to have the right idea:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pn0WdJx-Wkw

Also, the use of a pineapple allergy as a murder weapon seems a tad improbable, mostly because someone with that severe an allergy to pineapple in an environment where accidental exposure is possible would very likely be carrying an EpiPen.
Last edited by Vexorg on Mon Dec 26, 2022 3:49 am, edited 5 times in total.
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Re: What the fuck did I just watch

Post by Vexorg »

Lander wrote:Star Wars Episode IV.5: The Holiday Special
A harrowing found-footage docudrama following the struggle of a Wookie family attempting to maintain the facade of domestic bliss beneath the thumb of Imperial martial law.
And that's just the Goon Squads George Lucas sends after you if he finds out you have a copy of this special.
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Air Master Burst
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Re: What the fuck did I just watch

Post by Air Master Burst »

Vexorg wrote:
Lander wrote:Star Wars Episode IV.5: The Holiday Special
A harrowing found-footage docudrama following the struggle of a Wookie family attempting to maintain the facade of domestic bliss beneath the thumb of Imperial martial law.
And that's just the Goon Squads George Lucas sends after you if he finds out you have a copy of this special.
It really is fascinating that George Lucas never released it in any format, as he released literally everything else in every format at some point or other; and even more fascinating Disney hasn't tossed it up on D+ yet. Neither of those entities ever met a special edition or limited format they didn't immediately whore out for all it's worth, and yet this one goofy holiday special has such a fearsome reputation for being uniquely awful that they're both terrified to go anywhere near it.

FWIW it's pretty bad but I've seen FAR worse from both Star Wars and holiday specials. I'm convinced that either Carrie Fisher in this or Drew Barrymore in Babes in Toyland holds the record for most drug-addled performance in a christmas movie, but determining a winner is just too close to call.
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Mischief Maker
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by Mischief Maker »

The reason Mark Hamill looks so weird is at the time he just got his face messed up in a car wreck and they caked the makeup on to cover it up. Later in Empire Strikes Back they added the Wampa attack to explain the facial difference.
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Re: NOTHING IS OVER

Post by BryanM »

These days his face is so bad, they use a computer to slap it on another guy's body.
It really is fascinating that George Lucas never released it in any format, as he released literally everything else in every format at some point or other; and even more fascinating Disney hasn't tossed it up on D+ yet.
For a guy who did edits to screw his ex-wife out of royalties... and just slapped random shit onto a page stream-of-consciousness style.... Lucas does seem have had a little actual care about the franchise. He could have pumped out movies nonstop every three to five years, completely giving into his vast laziness and delegating the task to someone else.

His hatred of the Holiday Special and sadness at being completely excluded from the Mouse's handling of the franchise shows there's at least something of a soul in there. That's high praise - something you can't say about almost any people in such a high position~
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Classic pagoda-climbing flicks like this were always so pure imo; all you needed was a room, some guys, and you could cut something watchable from just that. They share a lot of the same scaffolding as Cube, really.
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Re: NOTHING IS OVER

Post by BIL »

BryanM wrote:His hatred of the Holiday Special and sadness at being completely excluded from the Mouse's handling of the franchise shows there's at least something of a soul in there. That's high praise - something you can't say about almost any people in such a high position~
I think my single favourite thing he ever did was, after people went "George seriously what the fuck" at his overdubbing Luke's selfless Empire leap with a stock "AIEEEEEEEEE!" - he actually changed it back. :shock:

Probably the veteran Sonichu fan in me talking here, but amongst Lucas/Chandler giga-autist types, that level of concession is fucking rare. :o
The Raid
It's nice when they make a video game movie actually feel like a video game.

Classic pagoda-climbing flicks like this were always so pure imo; all you needed was a room, some guys, and you could cut something watchable from just that. They share a lot of the same scaffolding as Cube, really.
Aha, Cube! That's another for the list. Among animated stuff, I'd also mention Ninja Scroll, a better Metal Gear Solid movie than anything they'll ever actually do. 1337 spybro dragged outta retirement must stop teh conspiracy, AND settle a personal score, by taking down eight wacky bosses! All while dodging the pussy flying at his magnet dong, because much like Dredd, he's so masculine that railing a hot broad would actually make him slightly gayer!

Image

*nom* Image
BIL wrote:doggo
I love this dog so much, and like any long running meme, just like Gabe, they're long gone : (

One time my grandmother was watching the old-gameshow reruns channel, and she kept getting upset everytime we informed her the people she was watching died decades ago. I am now grandma.
It hit me when I realised I was saying "he died recently" like a dozen times a day. Time sucks. 3;

I have to look for the full-sized GIF I downscaled that one from, he always cheers me up too!
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by BurlyHeart »

The Muppets Christmas Carol

Starts off really strong but peters out out a bit towards the end. But overall still fantastic. The missus had never seen it, and she loved it.
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Re: NOTHING IS OVER

Post by Air Master Burst »

BryanM wrote:
His hatred of the Holiday Special and sadness at being completely excluded from the Mouse's handling of the franchise shows there's at least something of a soul in there. That's high praise - something you can't say about almost any people in such a high position~
It's more stubborn hubris than anything else, and it's pretty hilarious how it's bitten him in the ass. Pretty much anyone else would've at least released it as a special feature in a $300 Blu Ray set or something as a historical curiosity/flimsy excuse to milk the fanbase, because since the internet really took off you're not gonna stop it. There are at least 3 places in the Twin Cities that do watch parties every year!

The funny part is that a couple budget VHS releases in the 90s could've relegated this thing to a goofy old curio. Instead, they've spent 4 decades Streissanding it and now everyone thinks it's the worst thing in film history.
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Stevens
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by Stevens »

Whoa. That's a scene I haven't seen in ages.

Ninja Scroll was the first anime I ever bought. Now that's a movie with a proper rogues gallery.
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by BIL »

Eight Devils of Kimon = NecroFeudal FOXHOUND Image OFFICIAL anime of R2RKMF TASK FORCE, watch it or die trying Image
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Fox DIEEEEE

Post by Lander »

Took the bait and watched Ninja Scroll. Much like Dredd's chin, Jubei's moral code could cut diamond.

Cool MGS comparison iceberg - it goes several layers deeper than expected! My only gripe is that KITSUNE-HOUND didn't stop and exposit their backstory to Jubei prior to each fight, though I suppose that wouldn't have been very Ninja of them.

Speaking of Ninja, I see our protagonist is operating under the wisdom of the Ryu Hayabusa school - a.k.a. cut that shit in half before it kills you. Applying KoF96 infinite-supers-at-low-health rules to the final stage was class, complete with busted SNK boss who doesn't play fair.

And much underhanded skullduggery in the ladygarden, if you know wot I mean guv eh wink wink nudge nudge saynomore - avert thine eyes, x93! :shock:
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by dojo_b »

Aw FFS. Re: Ninja Scroll (movie), am I right that this is simply not for sale by streaming?

(Currently blasting thru Berserk manga, projected to need something similarly heavy and, oh yes, necrofeudal soon)
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Re: Fox DIEEEEE

Post by BIL »

Lander wrote:KITSUNE-HOUND
Image Image
dojo_b wrote:Aw FFS. Re: Ninja Scroll (movie), am I right that this is simply not for sale by streaming?
Crumbs, sorry bud I'm clueless on that stuff. I had a quick look, and all the offers I see are for the 2003 series based on Kawajiri's 1993 film; it's always had a dubious rep, and the original is such a perfect self-contained work, I've never been compelled to watch (there'a also the completely unrelated Ninja Resurrection OAV, which was rebadged as a sequel in NA/EU; again, never been interested).

If it's any help, should you come across the old Manga VHS English dub, it's actually very decent; both the performances, and the production, which sticks firmly to the JP script and retains the original score. Jubei doesn't run around calling people motherfuckers and talking about his dick, ala fellow Manga VHS Kawajiri dub Cyber City Oedo. :lol: (great fun regardless, that one - "It's way past your bedtime motherfucker!")

I like the sub these days, but there isn't much between them.
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by BryanM »

My googling says the only place it might exist for possibly legal streaming is Manga Tv, and I don't know if that requires a Roku device or if it's accessible from the Roku Channel website/app or whatever.

They always make it as difficult as possible to give money to the shareholders who own the rights to these things, eh...

It makes sense because as a product, nearly 100% of their value comes from lodging memories of the property into people's brains, so the stuff you're not going to monetize in the future only cannibalizes the stuff you want to pump out of the factory. ie: Please buy more baby yoda dolls mister.

.... renting it as a VHS tape from Blockbuster these days would be a most impressive feat, indeed.
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"Do you believe in Hell?"

Post by BIL »

Cheers bud, Roku does look promising! Told me it wasn't available in my region (UK) but then I remembered me VPN is on, yarrr. Image

https://www.roku.com/whats-on/movies/ni ... ae3b4745f4

Unfortunate poster though, now here's the real mahfuckin deal (also the NA VHS boxart, if I recall). Ah, quality. I used to think Jubei's grip was odd, but that's just The Super Dangerous Technique! "Man is born to carnage. This world itself is Hell."

Spoiler
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by dojo_b »

Thanks kindly, folks! My follow-up impression is that Roku only offers Ninja Scroll (film) thru their MangaTV channel, which in turn requires a physical Roku device. It doesn't show up on "The Roku Channel" which can be streamed in any browser (region allowing).

The Roku things start at $25, so it's a potential toss-up vs. ordering a disc (or "other methods"). I just asked, What kind of spiritual energy do I want to bring into my home right now? A stupid fucking dongle, or a tiny shrine to some cool anime?
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by Stevens »

Trading Places.

How in the fuck did I sleep on this one for so long? If this movie was released today people would collectively lose their shit. Incredibly funny.
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by emphatic »

Stevens wrote:Trading Places.
Congrats. I watch it most Christmases.
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by BryanM »

dojo_b wrote:The Roku things start at $25, so it's a potential toss-up vs. ordering a disc (or "other methods").
Since you sounded like you were thinking of picking up a SoC box, I went to the bother of doing a deep probe. What I thought would take like five minutes turned.... into a bit of an ordeal.

Ninja Scroll is indeed on this 'channel'. After searching for the search option. Listed most accurately as "Ninja Scrolls (2020)". Subtitled version, no option for dub that I could see. Does not use that cover BIL mentioned. Kinda blocky video encoding, maybe a bit better than 360 mp4, but maybe not strictly better than 480?? My eyes don't like looking at the jaggy black lines.

Had some other old or weird stuff on there. Stuff that's long been milked dry mostly, Ghost in the Shell, a MADOX, that Interstella Daft Punk musical, pokemon/dragon ball movies...

One of the upsides of these 'channels' is all these old and unprofitable movies aren't always easily found on the internet. The internet has an immense newness bias. Sometimes you might bumble into something that interests you that you'd never run across in the normie indexes. I think I watched Godzilla Final Wars on one of these things once. (It looks like it costs $ now though, just what you expect when surrendering to the whims of capital.)

It's maybe ok if you're into public domain classic horror from before they invented color.

TLDR: I do not recommend these devices now that I'm refreshed on what it's like to use one. Ignoring everything else: they're as slow as a slug to navigate through.
____

(Also while google image searching manga tv roku, this thing showed up in the search results. Why I never. I'm a pure, innocent boy who would never watch such dirty filth, Roku.)

(I'm not so sure about this 'Butt Attack Punisher Girl' movie, either, internet.)

(Back to my wholesome "fuck konami in particular" youtube content.)
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by cj iwakura »

I still own a sub VHS of Ninja Scroll, though uh, I'd love to know why it's actually called that...


Sure, there's ninjas, but I never really saw a scroll...
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by Mischief Maker »

Maybe the title was supposed to be Ninja Scrotum and someone lost their nerve.
Two working class dudes, one black one white, just baked a tray of ten cookies together.

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It's a service problem

Post by Lander »

Uwa! That's Elusive License No Jutsu, one of the forbidden techniques!!

There's always The Internet Archive, if you're in the market for a streamable Spanish dub :lol:
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by BIL »

cj iwakura wrote:I still own a sub VHS of Ninja Scroll, though uh, I'd love to know why it's actually called that...


Sure, there's ninjas, but I never really saw a scroll...
JP title " 獣兵衛忍風帖 / Jubei Ninpucho " roughly translates to "Jubei's Ninja Chronicle," written down presumably. Ninja Diary might've been a bit too on-the-nose. :wink:
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by Vexorg »

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

Pretty average for a Marvel movie. Lately it seems like Marvel movies have a bit of a bad habit of assuming that you have not only watched all the previous movies, but remember everything that happened in them, and this one has plenty of stuff that will leave you scratching your head if you haven't seen the first Black Panther. There's a lot of Wakandan "customs" that they don't bother to explain at all so none of it will make much sense. Then again, they were put in a bit of a bind when Chadwick Boseman died suddenly while scripting was well underway what was to be his next film as T'Challa, forcing them to undo some of the stuff they painted themselves into a corner with in the first film.

That's not even the biggest issue with this film though; that would be an incredibly lazy B-plot that serves mostly as an excuse to get Bilbo Baggins into the movie (Can you say "contractual obligation"?), and which they decided that they could just forget about 2/3s of the way through and save the rest for the next film. That's the kind of thing that you might be able to get away with in, say, episode 3 of an 8-episode TV series, but it doesn't work so great when you do it with a feature film and the next one is not even on the schedule (this will probably figure into the plot of the next Captain America film, but that isn't scheduled until May 2024.) My guess is that they'll shoehorn another one into the schedule at some point to keep the Disney D&I Department happy,
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by Stevens »

Scrooged

Another one that at the time slipped under the radar. I thought it was good, but not great. At least not great enough to get into my yearly rotation. No regrets about watching it though.
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Re: Movies you've just watched

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The King of Comedy

Decided to check this out because I thought the premise sounded interesting, and it's on a streaming service where my account is about to expire, so figured I wanted to catch it while I could.
It seems to be one of Scorsese's least talked about movies, constantly flying under the radar. I'd barely heard of it until recently when the Joker movie came out and notably took a ton of cues directly from this movie.

Image

Much to my surprise though, The King of Comedy wasn't just a great movie, I'd easily put it among Scorsese's absolute best, hell, probably a good contender for the best one. It's a fantastic deconstruction of the modern showbusiness world and celebrity worship, which surprisingly still doesn't feel dated at all, if anything it's possibly a bit ahead of its time.
Robert DeNiro is brilliant, one of the best performances I've seen from him, while at the same time being incredibly atypical for him. He basically nails that weirdo we've all seen somewhere, who doesn't really understand the world around him and is too taken up by the reality he's made up for himself - governed by his obsession with this talkshow host that he's put in his mind needs to be the vessel to launch his comedy career. In his mind, we see his character mimicking that fake exterior celebrities put on when they participate in the media, and it's so perfect it's hilarious. In general, King of Comedy is a super funny movie without ever being a straight up comedy, and what I think really hits the homerun is the surprising(?) ending which manages to feel completely believable despite how nuts it is.

Absolute 100% recommendation
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by BIL »

Crisp black satire. Will likely never age; as you say, it's becoming more relevant if anything, with the rise of social media letting any Pupkin with a phone take an ill-advised leap at infamy.

Did you spot Morrie from Goodfellas taking the piss out of poor Rupert in the background, in the restaurant? One of many weird little scenes that've stuck in memory long since my last viewing... the ones of Rupert in his basement with "mother," too.

While I enjoyed Joker, it pretty much is just The King of Taxi Driver; I was glad to see the former enjoy a little long-overdue reflected glory. :cool:
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by Sumez »

BIL wrote: Did you spot Morrie from Goodfellas taking the piss out of poor Rupert in the background, in the restaurant? One of many weird little scenes that've stuck in memory long since my last viewing... the ones of Rupert in his basement with "mother," too.
I did notice that seemed weird, but didn't recognize him from Goodfellas (obviously a much later movie, too). I thought Scorsese's own cameo was fun though, and also Pupkin's (constantly off-camera) mother was played by Scorsese's own mum :P
While I enjoyed Joker, it pretty much is just The King of Taxi Driver; I was glad to see the former enjoy a little long-overdue reflected glory. :cool:
Polarising as it is, I enjoyed Joker a lot as well. But despite how much it "lends" from those movies, it's thematically a vastly different beast, focusing more on classicism and society's apathy towards the downtrodden. I don't thonk it's fair to write it off as a Scorsese knockoff, because it really isn't.
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Re: Movies you've just watched

Post by BIL »

Oh yeah, Joker does carve out its own niche with the materials borrowed. Bit like Ninja Gaiden being a Castlevania ROMhack on paper, an entirely distinct entity in practice.
Sumez wrote:I thought Scorsese's own cameo was fun though, and also Pupkin's (constantly off-camera) mother was played by Scorsese's own mum :P
She's in Goodfellas and Casino too, probably more now I think about it... and that's his old man alongside Tuddy when Tommy gets "made," one stern-lookin' dude. :cool: Image

I find myself wondering if Rupert's mother even exists; bit of a Norman Bates vibe there.
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