Amusingly bad reviews

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BareKnuckleRoo
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by BareKnuckleRoo »

Apparently they hadn't heard of vertically oriented screens in 2007.

Most of their reviews consist of them spouting generic 'trendy' buzzword adjectives without any actual depth in terms of game mechanics descriptions. Isn't there also a doubleplay on a single controller option in Raiden III? No surprise they didn't mention that either.
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mesh control
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by mesh control »

Classic review.
lol
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ciox
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by ciox »

I like how they can't decide whether they're a game review site or collegehumor.
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Raytrace
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Raytrace »

rancor wrote:HAHA!

I had a really good laugh at this part! :
Shooter fans can easily find a better example of a shooter than Giga Wing 2.While the Dreamcast's library is a little light on the genre, the PlayStation is home to more than a few quality gems and any of the older 16-bit systems had a wealth of them.
The Dreamcast is light on shooters?? News to me.
HAHAHAHAHA that is some comment alright - the main reason I got my DC was for shmups
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Raytrace
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Raytrace »

BareknuckleRoo wrote:Apparently they hadn't heard of vertically oriented screens in 2007.

Most of their reviews consist of them spouting generic 'trendy' buzzword adjectives without any actual depth in terms of game mechanics descriptions. Isn't there also a doubleplay on a single controller option in Raiden III? No surprise they didn't mention that either.
is that Morgan Webb?

hang on what's with the amazement at having to turn your TV on it's side?

yes you are supposed too - ffs

there is one game isn't there though that offers tate with rotated controls and text etc. isnt there? cant rememeber which though
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Meseki »

Raytrace wrote:there is one game isn't there though that offers tate with rotated controls and text etc. isnt there? cant rememeber which though
Raiden DX (PSX) has 'Horizontal' video mode that rotates the controls so it's kind of like playing a horizontal shooter. None of the normal graphics are right-side-up, but the menu you can pull up in game by hitting Select is.

Also, I think Trigger Heart Excelica Enhanced has an option to rotate the controls as well.
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by BareKnuckleRoo »

Raytrace wrote:there is one game isn't there though that offers tate with rotated controls and text etc. isnt there? cant rememeber which though
The Xbox 360 port of Futari allows you to rotate just the game window and not the entire menu screen if you like, which adjusts the controls accordingly so up always moves you to the top of the screen, so you could play it like a hori or a top down shmup if you wanted. Pretty sure Cave's other ports let you do this too.
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Lord Satori
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Lord Satori »

wait, there are shooters where you have to turn your TV on its side? if so, I'm with them on this one. mine CAN'T turn on its side. thats just retarded.
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by BareKnuckleRoo »

Lord Satori wrote:wait, there are shooters where you have to turn your TV on its side? if so, I'm with them on this one. mine CAN'T turn on its side. thats just retarded.
Uh, no. I can't think of a single console based shmup that's Tate only, because that'd be 'just retarded', as televisions are horizontal. However, some monitors can be rotated, hence why a number of console/PC shmups offer Tate options in addition to the standard Yoko layout.
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Lord Satori
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Lord Satori »

to be honest, thats an entirely new concept to me. I'm not sure what "tate" or "yoko" is, either. to be honest, I have no idea why anyone would need/want to have it turned sideways, anyway.

edit: just watched the review. Classic X-play taking a single aspect of a game and stretching it the extreme to ruin their entire review.
Last edited by Lord Satori on Thu Aug 16, 2012 8:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by BareKnuckleRoo »

Lord Satori wrote:to be honest, thats an entirely new concept to me. I'm not sure what "tate" or "yoko" is, either.
http://shmups.system11.org/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=9665

The terms came about from Japanese shmups that referred to the screen orientation in the options screen as such.
to be honest, I have no idea why anyone would need/want to have it turned sideways, anyway.
If you play a vertical shmup on a horizontal screen, you're going to have a lot of open, unused space on either side of the screen (sometimes filled in Cave ports with a map, scoring info, button input display, etc). However, you get to see the vertical shmup encompass the entire screen if you play it on a vertically aligned monitor with the same resolution, which is usually the ideal way to go. Similarly, displaying a horizontal shmup properly on a vertical screen (why would you) would make it get squashed into the center of the screen with huge open gaps above and below.

The whole point of being able to change the screen rotation is so the game can be played in standard televisions as well as monitors that rotate to a vertical position, not so you have to lie on your side or twist your head like the unfunny RIII review njiska mentioned implies.
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Lord Satori
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Lord Satori »

http://www.g4tv.com/videos/15129/platypus-review/

this review had me yelling at my tv when I saw it. the raiden III review doesn't suprise me at all.
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by AntiFritz »

BareknuckleRoo wrote:
Raytrace wrote:there is one game isn't there though that offers tate with rotated controls and text etc. isnt there? cant rememeber which though
The Xbox 360 port of Futari allows you to rotate just the game window and not the entire menu screen if you like, which adjusts the controls accordingly so up always moves you to the top of the screen, so you could play it like a hori or a top down shmup if you wanted. Pretty sure Cave's other ports let you do this too.
You can do this in guwange aswell.
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Op Intensify »

Ikaruga GC was the first shmup port I played with a "tate with horzie controls" mode.
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Raytrace »

Op Intensify wrote:Ikaruga GC was the first shmup port I played with a "tate with horzie controls" mode.
the Ikaruga GC I had was cr4p - I think cos it was PAL - it was very stuttery compared to the DC version.

I had a massive 36" CRT up untill fairly recently - it was I think of the Diamontron type tube/flat thing (so it was MASSIVELY heavy) and I'm pretty sure it couldn't be TATE'd so I used to actually play Under Defeat DC lying on my side on the couch, tbh though you can't do it for long, well I got kinda nauseous...
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Obiwanshinobi »

I read the PAL version skip frames to keep stuff up to the original speed. Lame. Even without 60 Hz option (that should be there to begin with), surely they could've opitimised it some other way? The year being 2003 and all.
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by xbl0x180 »

Hell, I have a 26" Toshiba CRT and that thing weighs a ton. It couldn't be good to turn this thing on its side, but I did notice right away I was missing portions of screen or things looked a bit off :evil:
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by DocHauser »

Looking for lists of PSP shmups, I came across this review of Strikers 1945 Plus on IGN. Now, it may not be the best game in the series, so an average score might be expected, but not for the reasons this reviewer suggests...

http://www.ign.com/articles/2009/08/04/ ... lus-review

It's practically an object lesson in how not to review a shmup, and packed with classic quotes:

"If World War II had unlimited continues, it too would have been over in 45 minutes...you're not penalized for dying (outside of your score being reset)...You just play, die and repawn, over and over again...there really isn't a challenge here since you can continue forever (which, by the way, adds one point to your starting score every time you continue, so if you die a billion times you'd be at the top of the high score list)...Every time you die your bomb count resets to three uses, so you'll probably wind up abusing this feature as I did...since dying didn't slow me down, I was able to finish the game in, oh, 45 minutes or so."
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by To Far Away Times »

DocHauser wrote:Looking for lists of PSP shmups, I came across this review of Strikers 1945 Plus on IGN. Now, it may not be the best game in the series, so an average score might be expected, but not for the reasons this reviewer suggests...

http://www.ign.com/articles/2009/08/04/ ... lus-review

It's practically an object lesson in how not to review a shmup, and packed with classic quotes:

"If World War II had unlimited continues, it too would have been over in 45 minutes...you're not penalized for dying (outside of your score being reset)...You just play, die and repawn, over and over again...there really isn't a challenge here since you can continue forever (which, by the way, adds one point to your starting score every time you continue, so if you die a billion times you'd be at the top of the high score list)...Every time you die your bomb count resets to three uses, so you'll probably wind up abusing this feature as I did...since dying didn't slow me down, I was able to finish the game in, oh, 45 minutes or so."
Games Journalism in a nutshell.
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by hail good sir »

same
Last edited by hail good sir on Tue Jun 11, 2013 1:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by AntiFritz »

hail good sir wrote:It's weird to me that someone would be observant enough to notice "which, by the way, adds one point to your starting score every time you continue" but so dense about everything else.
Nevermind the fact that it usually caps at 9 and won't allow you to get 1 billion points if you continue 1 billion times.
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Bananamatic
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Bananamatic »

the strikers guy also reviewed god hand

he should quit reviewing and go play in the traffic instead
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Hagane »

Actually, the guy has a point. Arcade ports shouldn't give unlimited continues. It just gives a wrong impression of the genre to the casuals who read these casual reviews.
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Muchi Muchi Spork »

Yeah like a separate practice mode where you get infinite lives but it's labeled practice, and then in the real game mode there are no continues. I like that. Forces newbies to "get it".
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Hagane »

Exactly. And then you can give people rewards (extra modes, illustrations, elaborate endings, achievements) to give them incentive to clear the main mode (and you have to unlock stages in practice mode by reaching them on the main game, like in Touhou). That could help getting more casuals into the genre without actually dumbing down the game's difficulty and getting rid of the typical "this game can be cleared in 20 minutes" and "no replay value" complaints.
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

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Last edited by Mortificator on Sat Dec 29, 2012 3:58 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by trap15 »

Solution:
No continues, and the game over screen is this:
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Lord Satori »

gamespot is just horrible at reviews in general. if it isn't in the realm of callofhalotheftauto or something similar, odds are it won't get as great a review as it should.
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by DocHauser »

Bananamatic wrote:the strikers guy also reviewed god hand

he should quit reviewing and go play in the traffic instead
Ah, I was looking at reviews of God Hand as well. Check out this quote from GamesTM:
It's an amazingly in-depth system that rewards skill rather than persistence, and for this reason alone it's near impossible to recommend God Hand to any but the most hardcore of player or fan of the genre. (6/10)
We can't recommend this to normal gamers - it requires skill!
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