Amusingly bad reviews

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pooch
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Amusingly bad reviews

Post by pooch »

No doubt it will have been well discussed here how badly some mainstream reviewers do when faced with the problem of critiquing shmups. I haven't been here long, but the "Why is Ikaruga..." thread, for one, touches on this.

However I recently came upon this review - http://www.gamecritics.com/node/3231 - which actually made me laugh. Has anyone else got any good examples of bad reviews?

Sorry if this has been posted before.
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evil_ash_xero
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by evil_ash_xero »

That DeathSmiles review by that chick is certainly coming to mind...
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Elixir
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Elixir »

I haven't actively browsed/used this forum in many years and it's no longer an accurate representation of me.

I have retired from genre-specific content creation after 13 years, but I'll always love this little genre in my own personal way.
Zeron
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Zeron »

This has to be a troll..
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evil_ash_xero
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by evil_ash_xero »

Man, that has to be a joke.
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njiska
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by njiska »

pooch wrote:However I recently came upon this review - http://www.gamecritics.com/node/3231 - which actually made me laugh. Has anyone else got any good examples of bad reviews?
Ha, I actually know Brad Gallaway. I'm going to have to ask him about this one.
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clp
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by clp »

Theres plenty of shocking reviews for shiki 3 .
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drunkninja24
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by drunkninja24 »

I've been looking for a long time now for X-Play's old review of "Mobile Light Force 2" when it came out. I didn't know a whole lot about shmups then, but even then I knew the review was full of shit. They made a bunch of lame jokes about the "unused" portions of the screen, and ended up giving it a 1 out of 5.
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MathU
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by MathU »

Some people might find this amusing. Others might not.
Of course, that's just an opinion.
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njiska
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by njiska »

MathU wrote:Some people might find this amusing. Others might not.
I remember that review and they're complaints about value and "nickle and dime"-ing. It caused me to write a section on the DLC in my own review
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captpain
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by captpain »

Serious reviews like the one in the OP usually just give me a panic attack. I'm nerding too hard to laugh at that kind of thing when I'm thinking about shmups.
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Matsunaga
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Matsunaga »

pooch wrote:No doubt it will have been well discussed here how badly some mainstream reviewers do when faced with the problem of critiquing shmups. I haven't been here long, but the "Why is Ikaruga..." thread, for one, touches on this.

However I recently came upon this review - http://www.gamecritics.com/node/3231 - which actually made me laugh. Has anyone else got any good examples of bad reviews?

Sorry if this has been posted before.
That review was absurd. That guy should be drug out in the street and shot.
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ZOM
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by ZOM »

MathU wrote:Some people might find this amusing. Others might not.
Not amusing, just sad.


And the link that Elixir posted just screams troll. Come on, he got a used japanese 360 just to play Ketsui: Kizuna Jigoku Tachi Extra(yes he spelled it correctly), the very same person who describes space invaders a 1990 DOS game? Please tell me such a person doesn't exist.
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by PsychoGun »

Much like music reviews, a paid writer reviewing games (lets hope they aren't paid too much) isn't going to be an accurate voice except for the genres they're knowledgeable in. When it comes to shmups, I'd say 100% of these tools don't know a damn thing.

User reviews are what I tend to read, if any at all. I buy games I want, if they end up kind of sucking, oh well. I don't buy shit off allowance anymore, who cares about being that picky you'd listen to a review.
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by ZOM »

^^Of course most of them don't have a clue. But sometimes it's still very surprising how they manage to be absolutly blind about a game's underlying features. For god's sake they're paid exactly to find that out and rate it! lolz
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njiska
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by njiska »

Can I be the one to point out that the review the OP linked to is nearly a decade old? Plus we are not the target audience of GameCritics. You can never expect a review of a niche product to talk to that niche unless it's a niche review site. That doesn't mean you won't get a good review from a mainstream site, just not one that is going to speak to you.
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by dannnnn »

njiska wrote:Can I be the one to point out that the review the OP linked to is nearly a decade old?
And?

Go back two decades and you'll still find people who knew how to review games.

The reviewer in the OP is only making himself look stupid with his "I can't do it therefore it's impossible" attitude.
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drunkninja24
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by drunkninja24 »

Ah, found the X-Play Mobile Light Force 2 review, sadly the video is no longer on the site:
http://g4tv.com/games/ps2/15330/mobile- ... -2/review/


Also for good measure, here's a video of their Raiden III review:
http://g4tv.com/videos/16425/Raiden-III-Review/

Both reviews horrible.
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linko9
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by linko9 »

To be fair, he did make sure to get the opinion of a 5-year old, which is generally what I'm looking for in a review.
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by rancor »

HAHA!

I had a really good laugh at this part! :
Shooter fans can easily find a better example of a shooter than Giga Wing 2.While the Dreamcast's library is a little light on the genre, the PlayStation is home to more than a few quality gems and any of the older 16-bit systems had a wealth of them.
The Dreamcast is light on shooters?? News to me.
Zeron
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Zeron »

the Dreamcast is light on shooters?? News to me.

Clearly downwatered ports beats the crap out of what the Dreamcast offers.
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Skykid
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Skykid »

pooch wrote:No doubt it will have been well discussed here how badly some mainstream reviewers do when faced with the problem of critiquing shmups. I haven't been here long, but the "Why is Ikaruga..." thread, for one, touches on this.

However I recently came upon this review - http://www.gamecritics.com/node/3231 - which actually made me laugh. Has anyone else got any good examples of bad reviews?

Sorry if this has been posted before.
Lol, ol' Brad Gallaway again - I said he was the worlds worst mainstream reviewer just the other day in fact. Clueless.

That Ketsui one made me LMAO. :)
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flux
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by flux »

drunkninja24 wrote: Also for good measure, here's a video of their Raiden III review:
http://g4tv.com/videos/16425/Raiden-III-Review/

Hahahahaha. That was great.
"What are you supposed to do? Turn the TV on its side?"
Yes! Good job not knowing anything about the genre of game you are reviewing.

I seem to remember an X-Play review many years ago where they complained that a shmup was too easy because you can just keep continuing and beat it on the first try. I also remember an RPG review where they complained that you would get thrown into random battles in the dungeons and field.
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TonK
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by TonK »

I came in here to post this exact review - awesome!
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ryu
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by ryu »

especially when I'm sitting down to relax with some casual gaming.
He made it too obvious here.
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by TrevHead (TVR) »

evil_ash_xero wrote:That DeathSmiles review by that chick is certainly coming to mind...
Ahhh the age old pastime of stg review bashing :) heres the DS one with the chick, who states it as been a poor "bullet hell" experience lol

http://www.gameshark.com/reviews/3578/D ... Review.htm

Ill add this review, where the blind as a bat reviewer states that deathsmiles 360 is ugly http://www.gamefocus.ca/?nav=reviewCard&fid=9843

notice both of these sites dont have a comment box its asif the website owners know their reviewers are shite so got rid of all public critismn

one thing that i cant seem to get my head 'round is that games reviewers recomend for the mainstream and die hard fan type gamers. In the past reviewers would recommend only the very best titles in a given genre as been good enough for fans and mainstream alike, and the lower quality games for fans of the genre only. Todays reviewers seem to have this rule the wrong way round with reviewers recommending a game thats good enough for die hards and casuals alike when its a poor example of the genre with many aspects watered down
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by hail good sir »

still
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nash87
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by nash87 »

drunkninja24 wrote:Ah, found the X-Play Mobile Light Force 2 review, sadly the video is no longer on the site:
http://g4tv.com/games/ps2/15330/mobile- ... -2/review/


Also for good measure, here's a video of their Raiden III review:
http://g4tv.com/videos/16425/Raiden-III-Review/

Both reviews horrible.
you beat me to the raiden III review. that one has always been my favorite bad review by far.
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elvis
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by elvis »

flux wrote: Hahahahaha. That was great.
"What are you supposed to do? Turn the TV on its side?"
I had tears in my eyes I was laughing so hard. That's sig-worthy.
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Rozyrg
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Re: Amusingly bad reviews

Post by Rozyrg »

I remember X-Play's Ikaruga review was similarly painful. It was mostly silly aesthetic things (ie. 'drab, uninspired' graphics); but I'm sure some of yall would still relish the criticism now. >_>

Anyways, I think it's safe to file them under 'don't get it.'
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