Make your own mini shmup review!

[Aquas]

Yeah, I know you guys are the more hardest core nerds when it comes to shmups, often fueling some really wild arguments, so I thought this would come as a perfect discussion topic: mini reviews of shmups. Looking for quality over quantity here, make 'em funny or whatever you want, but try to keep it truthful.

I was playing some Gradius 3 today on my PSP and was able to actually enjoy myself because I turned the difficulty down from easy, to "easier." This really boils my bubbles. (HAHA! PUN)

Gradius 3:

The developers were laughing their asses off when they put in 6 different difficulty settings. Let's list them! Very hard, hard, normal, easy, easier, easiest. That's THREE settings for easy. A testament to how fucking difficult the game is... while I feel mocked by the amount of difficulty settings, I'm glad I could find that sweet spot between easiest and easy that allows me to enjoy the game. If only to be able to pass the second stage in which bubbles rape me from all sides and in every orifice. Thank you, Konami. I'm reminded of R-Type's "baby" difficulty setting.

~

Now you give it a try. I recommend picking a game you've played a lot.

[shoe-sama]

Space Bomber is awesome aliens are invading ONOZ gogogo Bill Clinton destroy them all with your super awesome spaceship stick antennas onto every enemy's head

[DefaultGen]

DoDonPachi: It's hard. Good luck playing with a dual shock's d-pad and/or lying sideways on your bed trying to do Tate.

On a related note, do those Saturn PS2 pads or HRAP2s work on PS1?

[indstr]

ESP Galuda: damn this game is awesome. great music, amazing bullet patterns, and it's possible for people who suck (like me) to get to level 5 or so without too much practice. this is quality all the way for sure

[henry dark]

Donpachi/Batsugun DOUBLE REVIEW

piece of piss until fourth stage OMG TOO LONG

[Enhasa]

Space Bomber is awesome aliens are invading ONOZ gogogo Bill Clinton destroy them all with your super awesome spaceship stick antennas onto every enemy's head

100% serious, this is a perfect review.


Shoot the Bullet: a surprisingly genius game and the only Touhou game I really like. STB and kinda Psyvariar are the only games that really feel to me like they leverage the bullet hell trend truly effectively. It all finally makes sense, like the final evolution of bullet hell or something. STB doesn't get much love because:

1) Touhou fans don't like it because there is no dialogue, no new characters, no plot, almost no artwork, barely any music, it's not a main installment, you can't die and bomb all over the place, and why isn't Reimu in this game anyway Aya is too fast this sucks.

2) Touhou haters don't try it because it's Touhou (duh), and plus Touhou fans don't even talk about or like this game and obviously they are the experts, so PCB, IN, etc are the representative games to try.

[indstr]

warning forever -

(initial reaction)
"wow, this is pretty neat!"

(2 hours later)
JUST...ONE...MORE...GAME!!!!


(4 hours later)
SORRY...HONEY...I...FORGOT... TO COME TO BED
Wife - YOU'RE SLEEPING ON THE COUCH TONIGHT YOU BASTARD!!


(8 hours later)
BRING, BRING
BOSS: IT'S 3PM AND YOU'RE STILL NOT AT WORK!!!!
YES...BOSS...... I KNOW I HAD AN IMPORTANT MEETING TODAY. *COUGH COUGH*, I'M NOT FEELING TOO WELL.


(2 days later)
HEART ATTACK FROM NO EATING OR SLEEPING.

DEATH


===========

This message brought to you by the national warning forever addiction prevention counsel. Did you know that warning forever abuse causes more geek related deaths per year, than world of warcraft and everquest combined?

[-Bridget-]

Space Bomber is awesome aliens are invading ONOZ gogogo Bill Clinton destroy them all with your super awesome spaceship stick antennas onto every enemy's head

Yes. This is the best review of a game ever.

I should put this quote in my sig.

Shoot the Bullet: a surprisingly genius game and the only Touhou game I really like. STB and kinda Psyvariar are the only games that really feel to me like they leverage the bullet hell trend truly effectively. It all finally makes sense, like the final evolution of bullet hell or something. STB doesn't get much love because:

1) Touhou fans don't like it because there is no dialogue, no new characters, no plot, almost no artwork, barely any music, it's not a main installment, you can't die and bomb all over the place, and why isn't Reimu in this game anyway Aya is too fast this sucks.

2) Touhou haters don't try it because it's Touhou (duh), and plus Touhou fans don't even talk about or like this game and obviously they are the experts, so PCB, IN, etc are the representative games to try.

No dialogue? No characters/plot?

*siiiiiigh*

This is one thing I really hate when it comes to Touhou in general... those people that are fans of the series because it has girls in it, and such as that.

Just..... GAH. I cannot listen to that type of player without wanting to hit them with a chair.



And ok, something of my own.....


Mushihime-sama:

One of Cave's best in my opinion. I like the style, I like the music, I like the way the various bullet patterns work. Well designed boss fights too,and that includes mini-bosses. Some great challenge in there for me to enjoy. Ultra mode is very hard. Game controls perfectly, and the hitboxes all make sense to me. I woulda liked to have seen more of a weapon selection, but that's a complaint I have about basically every Cave game. Scoring system is very confusing, and I think "banking" is stupid, once I found out how to do it. Blah to that. And why is the damn 2nd boss on Ultra harder than TGA-RET at the end? WHY, Cave, WHY? In short, very good game, very hard, not one I care to play for score though, really. Oh, and nice selection of modes and such, and stages 3 and 5 are both awesome.

[Ed Oscuro]

flying sharks: don't scare away the enemy

[P_HAT]

DDP/DDP DoJ - ANAL CHAINING FROM BSDM HELL!!!
Guwange - Top-down contra + bullet hell + ANAL CHAINING FROM BSDM HELL!!!

[Ed Oscuro]

Top-down contra? It must suck because top-down contra does too!

[P_HAT]

Top-down contra? It must suck because top-down contra does too!

Not really suck. At least Guwange have Cute girl with wolf and giant spider-cat.

[spadgy]

So Aquas - we're going for one-post little mini reviews are we? I like that idea... I'll try Progear...

Progear Mini Review:

Progear's butter-wouldn't-melt take on steampunk turns the bullet hell vert scroller on it's side, and the result is a surprisingly involving masterwork that might tempt hori-sceptics to flip their TV the right way round just once. It's more fond of neon blue 'bullet scatographs' than bullet curtains, and it disguises a wonderfully simple scoring system as something a touch bewildering, but like its bonuses it's an utter gem.

Or how about four-word micro reviews?:

Cute army jewelery Hoover
.

[Aquas]

Or how about four-word micro reviews?:

Cute army jewelery Hoover
.

Haha! Getting poetic here!

How about a mini review for U.N Squadron on the SNES?

Huge fortress and battleship bosses will have you shaking in your boots as you scroll past them and are forced to turn around for another sweep at blowing up their vital structures. Earn money in missions and buy better ships or weapons based on your preferences such as a spread shot, bombs, mega-rains, homimg missles, lightning bolts, napalm or gun-pods that rapidly fire in one direction. A kickass soundtrack and a guy with an 'X' on his head briefing you for your next mission. An SNES shmup to lead the way.

micro review:

capcom kicks your ass

[Twiddle]

radiant traffic control

[icycalm]

Mushihime-sama:

One of Cave's best in my opinion. I like the style, I like the music, I like the way the various bullet patterns work. Well designed boss fights too,and that includes mini-bosses. Some great challenge in there for me to enjoy. Ultra mode is very hard. Game controls perfectly, and the hitboxes all make sense to me. I woulda liked to have seen more of a weapon selection, but that's a complaint I have about basically every Cave game. Scoring system is very confusing, and I think "banking" is stupid, once I found out how to do it. Blah to that. And why is the damn 2nd boss on Ultra harder than TGA-RET at the end? WHY, Cave, WHY? In short, very good game, very hard, not one I care to play for score though, really. Oh, and nice selection of modes and such, and stages 3 and 5 are both awesome.

[IMHO] In my opinion, whenever you review something everyone already knows it's your opinion, so you might as well omit the "in my opinion" if you don't want to sound like an idiot. [/IMHO]

So, in your opinion, what is everyone else's opinion on my opinion?

[JoshF]

If someone leaves out the IMO I always assume they've used the scientific method to reach their conclusions.

[icycalm]

Is that really your opinion?

I wonder.

[Shatterhand]

It isn't, obviously, IMO.

[Square King]

Samidare is excellent.

That is all.

[Skykid]

ESPrade:

Cave's epic psychic-teen-battle against the oppressive telekinetic armies of a female megalomaniac.
The original 'R.A.D.E.', depending on persuasion, may in fact take first place despite being a tough nut to crack. An unconventional scoring system using dual weapons leads to a frenetically fast-paced danmaku-o-rama which keeps players on the edge of their seats from start to finish. Coupled with awesome background graphics (don't look - you'll die!) and god-sized bosses, Esprade is very much a rollercoaster of a Danmaku, propelling bullets at speeds only just in the realms of maneuverability, but with a rewarding payoff at the end of the level when you remember to...breathe.
Of worthy note is the fourth stage on Japan's futuristic Wangan Subway Line, which see's the protagonist bombing it up the tunnel, replete with trains rushing beneath. All the while the myriad of bullet patterns blend into one unrelenting curtain and this is the wall that tests the player the most prior to the last boss. A pure adrenalin feed.
A seminal shooter available at a cracking price.

Micro Review:

Telekinetic Teenie Blitz

[Nuke]

Dangun Feveron: "Disco Stu likes to shmup boogie with you! On Speed!"

[Shatterhand]

Battle Garrega:

I am daltonic and can't see brown. Thus this game sucks.

[P_HAT]

Battle Garrega:

I am daltonic and can't see brown. Thus this game sucks.

Ikaruga - great black and white puzzle game.

Hellsinker - read the 10000 pages manual, or go to hell!

XII Stag - crash your stick in this awesome shmup!

[maco]

ESPG:

Multiple personality transsexual shooting action.

[Acid King]

Radiant Silvergun:

Red Red Red Red Red Red Blue Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red.....

[Vincere]

Radiant Silvergun:

Red Red Red Red Red Red Blue Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Yellow Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red Red.....

Thread winner.

[Ed Oscuro]

Prehistoric Isle in 1930:

GET OFF MY PLANE