Trouble with a friend

[tada]

I, too have learned it the hard way, and have since instated a simple rule:
No lending of anything to anyone..

Fixed. This is basically one of the rules I live life by. No matter what they say, or what the money is for, or how badly they say they need it, I don't lend anything.

You are probably a lonely person. If a friend of mine is in need, I will lend him/her money without hesitation (if I can afford it). That's what friends are for. I don't lend money to people I can't trust, because people I can't trust aren't my friends.

Sorry, but after an experience I had where I lent a total of $70 to someone and never got paid back, I'm through lending stuff.

Maybe I'm a little paranoid, but you just don't know who you can trust in this world. Or this country, at least. Need I tell you the story of one of my friends who lost much of his gaming library due to his cousin who sold it for drug money?

[Michaelm]

saying that our friendship is bigger than my playstation

Was it the Playstation or PSOne ?

Yeah, his attitude sucks big time. To me you are completely in your right!

[themachinist]

Fixed. This is basically one of the rules I live life by. No matter what they say, or what the money is for, or how badly they say they need it, I don't lend anything.

You are probably a lonely person. If a friend of mine is in need, I will lend him/her money without hesitation (if I can afford it). That's what friends are for. I don't lend money to people I can't trust, because people I can't trust aren't my friends.

Sorry, but after an experience I had where I lent a total of $70 to someone and never got paid back, I'm through lending stuff.

Maybe I'm a little paranoid, but you just don't know who you can trust in this world. Or this country, at least. Need I tell you the story of one of my friends who lost much of his gaming library due to his cousin who sold it for drug money?

$70? lol?

Anyway, in my opinion as far as friends go, if you lend out money you gotta keep in mind you it may be a while before you see it again (for large sums in crisis situations) or may never see it again. If it's money you can't do without then you shouldn't be lending it out in the first place.

To the OP:
Seems like you and your friend have had a long, strong friendship. If I were in your shoes I'd tell him to get his life straightened out with a steady job and stop screwing around. I'd also pay your girlfriend back.

[The n00b]

I can go either way when it comes to lending money to a friend. I might lend them money but I won't lend them an amount that I can't afford to lose. That way I won't feel pressured to take on the role of collector. I also won't lend them money if they've been hitting me up for 10-20 bucks here or there over the course of many years and refuse to pay me back.

People who try to take advantage of you are not your friends. Friends wouldn't do that to each other.

[auryn]

Anyway, in my opinion as far as friends go, if you lend out money you gotta keep in mind you it may be a while before you see it again (for large sums in crisis situations) or may never see it again. If it's money you can't do without then you shouldn't be lending it out in the first place.

This is my attitude too on lending money to friends. With my friends, we mostly just have some kind of silent agreement that there's no tit-for-tat or score keeping. To me, that kind of attitude doesn't really work for friendship.

you do need to be mindful that some people might betray your trust, but that's just part of the game I guess, just like in relationships, you might get burned sometimes. That's no reason to give up on friendship altogether though, you'll just end up lonely and bitter.

It all boils down to trust - you need some kind of intuition as to who can be trusted. My best advice is be wary of people with too much pride, ego, machismo. People who never admit mistakes, weakness, never make fun of themselves, never apologize sincerely and spontaneously.

The guy this thread is about seems to have too much pride though, wanting to pimp it bigger than he can actually afford to. Maybe you should just let him be for a while, keep out of contact for a month or two/three - tell him you're busy. Forget about the money for now too. If you care about your friendship, don't let it escalate, don't take it to the edge, cause that will be the end for sure.

Just leave him alone. See how things develop. If he comes back to you after a while, apologizes and pays you back something, fine. If not, good riddance.

[Pirate1019]

Fortune had smiled upon me and i freed myself of two moochers with one punch. I also took his shoes.

Sounds like what somebody who managed to deal with it pretty quickly would say. Being a fast emotional healer is awesome.

[JBC]

Fortune had smiled upon me and i freed myself of two moochers with one punch. I also took his shoes.

Sounds like what somebody who managed to deal with it pretty quickly would say. Being a fast emotional healer is awesome.

i just simplified it though... it did take awhile to get over. Water under the bridge now. However, since then i am less affected by the bullshit some people pull. The 'What doesn't kill you' saying rings true.

[Ayanami]

I leant out a Final Fantasy IV SNES cartridge once upon a time. Kid never gave it back, said he lost it. I told him to buy another one to replace it pronto. (It had of course been a while of waiting for him to give me my game back.) Next week he had a Final Fantasy IV for me. Whether or not he bought it or had found my old copy with new found "inspiration" I don't know. (Been a while since I played it, could not tell if the save files were mine or not.) But he did get the damn thing. He was a slacker, but a good guy and saw that he done wrong and actually took care of it. Too bad he could not do the same with other things in his life.

[TWITCHDOCTOR]

Your friend sounds horribly irresponsible to say the least. I actually know some people like this...they can't take care of anything if their lives depended on it. At times, it can.

[GaijinPunch]

If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was hardly worth it. I've got a few ex-friends that took about $500 to never see again. Probably worth it.

[Shatterhand]

I leant out a Final Fantasy IV SNES cartridge once upon a time. Kid never gave it back, said he lost it. I told him to buy another one to replace it pronto. (It had of course been a while of waiting for him to give me my game back.) Next week he had a Final Fantasy IV for me. Whether or not he bought it or had found my old copy with new found "inspiration" I don't know. (Been a while since I played it, could not tell if the save files were mine or not.) But he did get the damn thing. He was a slacker, but a good guy and saw that he done wrong and actually took care of it. Too bad he could not do the same with other things in his life.

Something like this once happened to me many years ago, I lent a Formula-1 Mega-Drive cartridge to a friend, and somehow he broke the cartridge.

He promised to buy another one to me... and it took a while, because he never found a copy of it. So he asked me if it would be ok to give me another game... I said it was ok, and then he gave me Nigel Mansell GP.

F1 was eons better than Nigel Mansell, but whatever

[caincan]

except people who have real real REAL respect of others, that often finishes that way. i've arranged so many things, money, time, even heavy arcades & pinballs opportunities plans for supposed friends that bacsktabbed me and even been jealous or steal my other plans, that i no longer acting as forrest gump...

[CMoon]

More a response to the initial post: Most people have some low, fucked up part of their life where everything is going wrong, but ten years is a bit of a stretch. Saying I'd never loan anything to a friend is silly. Honestly, a real friend is someone worth giving money to outright. assuming they aren't becoming your dependent--that is, its a one time thing to get them out of a jam (like giving a gift, you know!)

I probably load too much stuff out--though mostly stuff I know I can afford to lose. The real problem, as mentioned here, are the friends that both become dependents and become self-righteous about it. That's pretty low.

[Shatterhand]

In an interesting turnover of events, the guy came to talk with me like nothing had happened, we talked about some random stuff and then he proceeded to tell he's in a relationship with a girl.

And that the controller can stay with me while he doesn't pay me.


Heh, nothing like getting laid, uh?

[Frederik]

Your friend sounds horribly irresponsible to say the least. I actually know some people like this...they can't take care of anything if their lives depended on it. At times, it can.

Tons of people would rather die than changing their habits. (Hint: Serious obesity)

But to the OP, I can´t deal with people that behave like that. If I say that I´ll do something, I´ll do it. People who keep telling stuff but don´t let action follow their words irritate me a lot. I mean, isn´t this just flat-out lying?

[SAM]

Since that's (repair fee for a PS1) is not a large sum of money, I would say you just write it off (forget about it), And keep being friend with him. One really don't got much good old friends, you know.

On the other hand, if ever this friend ever request you to lend him something again, just remind him that he still own you money and you would not lend anything to him unless he return everything he own you first.

[eight]

SAM you forget that Shatterhand is from a country where fixing a PS1 indeed is a large amount of money. I can fully understand him.

[SAM]

SAM you forget that Shatterhand is from a country where fixing a PS1 indeed is a large amount of money. I can fully understand him.

You might right about the sum is actuall not small, but the other parts of my advice still hold.

[Strider77]

the guys a retard, be cool with him and play the part, then borrow some of his stuff then tell em to suck off and keep it all. take justice in your own hands!! like batman bee-yotch...

[eight]

SAM you forget that Shatterhand is from a country where fixing a PS1 indeed is a large amount of money. I can fully understand him.

You might right about the sum is actuall not small, but the other parts of my advice still hold.

True that, I think I'd do it like that, too.

[beam]

The reality is : you can trust NOONE. When you lend something, think of it as lost. If it comes back, then you're lucky. They can be really good friend, wife or whatever, but you never know someone totally. I lent too many things which came in a totally different state (when they came back). Most of the the time to people I could "trust". Now, if you want it buy it or die .

[Shatterhand]

I really had to find this topic.. because something funny as hell happened. (Please, notice the original post is from 2007)

I kept the arcade controller from this guy for years, he never paid me (nor my girlfriend-now wife), I forgot about it and we kept being good friends (I even lent him more money over the years, when he was in a real shitty situation and never expected to get paid, which I didn't )

I gave this arcade controller to another friend, it was gathering dust for years here, this was like 2 or 3 years ago.

Today he asked me about the controller and said he want it back. And when I said it wasn't even with me anymore, he went on a rage, said he never actually gave me the controller, that he had paid for the controller, etc etc etc.

I just told him to fuck off.
Shit, I felt like I was 15 years old again.

[President_Obama]

Your mate sounds like a fucking melter, I couldn't have a cunt like that near me. One of the things I'm most proud of is managing to prune dead weight over the years, it annoys the shit outta me that the default for quite a lot of people is *lying, hypocritical, shitty, duplicitous-fucking-cunt.*

[Ruldra]

Your friend is a real asshole and I would've cut this guy out of my life a long time ago if it was me. Can't stand people like him.

And after lending game discs a couple of times and receiving them back completely scratched to the point of being unplayable, I make a point to never lend stuff to anyone again.

Welcome back, lol.

[Shatterhand]

After finding this topic, I thought about sending him the link, to see if he could understand how much of an asshole he is being.

I am always coming back, I just don't post a lot lately. I feel any online social life I have nowadays, it must be on facebook

[nasty_wolverine]

me and my good friend talking about one of our other "friend"

(called us to a disco, so he can see his gf who was out with her elder sister, the sister doesnt like him at all, he wasnt invited too)
friend: He always calls us for shit like this...
me: Because we're the only one's that will show up.
friend: yeah, we do that coz he's our friend.
me: Well thats what you think, that he is our friend, what does he think?
friend: ...
(so, the guy showed up, had a tiff with the elder sister, his gf and her left, finds some other chick and starts making out on the dance floor)
(last time we hung out together)

[Mischief Maker]

Well I certainly hope you told him you have bigger priorities right now than his joystick.

Anything you do more than 3 times is no longer a favor.

[Lordstar]

Nope you are entirely in the right. I had a similar situation when I loaned money to some one who needed it for job interviews and they took the piss. I got a message of a mutual friend saying I had loaned money off of him which was due for this other friend... Turns out the loan of the money he thought was cleared when he loaned me a handfull of games. never got the money back but I did sell the games and make a tidy profit. EU versions of Suikoden 1 2 and 3. When he tried to get them back (without paying me) I explained that he sold them to me which he said he has not that was just something he said to get other peoples loans off his back (and on to mine)..... Enough of my shit though.

You are not in the wrong. He is not your friend and he is using you. If he really was your friend (or a decent person) this would of been old news years ago. Shame you dont have a vagina, It seems to be a fantastic motivator for him.

[Leandro]

How do you say "cara de pau" in english? That's what your friend is, lol

[Shatterhand]

I dunno, "The Blues Brothers" was translated as "Os Irmãos Cara de Pau" here in Brazil, heh
(It makes no sense whatsover)