Shmoup by Phoenix Reborn Games (PS4|5 - Switch)

[Sturmvogel Prime]

TRASHSTORM (EPISODE XXVI)
MESSED UP SHMOUPPING




TRASHSTORM IS NOT A REAL STORY.
IS NOT EVEN GOOD FICTION.
IS TRASH GAME REVIEWS.
ALL OF THE GAMES FEATURED WOULD CAUSE A PERSON DISAPPOINTMENT,
ANGER, FRUSTRATION, DEPRESSION, MONEY LOSS INCLUDED.
TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.


LIST OF PESTILENCE - THE TRASHSTORM SO FAR...

Spoiler

I: EXIT TRASHFALL, WELCOME TRASHSTORM (POWER-DEAD BY BREAKTHROUGH GAMING) - (Nik & Kit's Math Quiz)
II: UNINSPIRED SPACE SHOOTOUTS - (X-Force Genesis)
III: NIGHTMARE DRIVING ON THE TRASH GAME ROAD - (Driverio)
IV: AGE OF DEVELOPER STUPIDITY - (Game Achievements "Stroke The Pet" Series)
V: TAKE THE TROPHIES, I DON'T WANT THEM! - (Rocketio)
VI: SUPERDISASTROUS SPACE SHOOTER SQUAD - (Super Rebellion)
VII: MYRON SAID "CRAPPY HOLIDAYS" - (Breakthrough Gaming: The Continents)
VIII: BREAK-TURD GAMING...AGAIN - (Project: Summer Ice - Pinball)
IX: DEEP SPACE ATROCITY - (Deep Space Anomaly)
X: ZAKYM'S DISASTROUS RETURN - (Rocketio 2 and 3)
XI: CRAPPER BOWL AND THE END OF BREAKTHROUGH GAMING - (Breakthrough Gaming's Football 2)
XII: ALPHA MORON - (Alpha Warrior by S-Mobile)
XIII: THE DEEP FREEZE - (SoulFrost by Xitilon)
XIV: WEBNETIC'S FIRST SHOOTER - (Space Defend by Webnetic)
XV: ONE BUTTON CATASTROPHE - (B Cannon by Xitilon)
XVI: CLASH FORCE? MORE LIKE TRASH FORCE! - (Clash Force)
XVII: TAURIAN MANURE - (Taurian Defense)
XVIII: INHUMAN ROAD: STINKING TURD LIGHTNING - (Thunder by Xitilon)
XIX: MORE XITILON TRASH - (S Lanes by Xitilon)
XX: TRASH-O-WEEN PRESENTS: CRAPPER-5 - (Hyper-5)
XXI: RED-CRAP-TOR - (RedRaptor)
XXII: FROM MEDIOCRE TO "X-CREMENT" - (X-Force Under Attack)
XXIII: CONSEQUENCE OF STUPIDITY - (Danjigoku)
XXIV: IF IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, IT'S EXTINCT - (Arcade Archives: Dinorex)
XXV: NEPHENTHEOSIC EUTHANASIA - (Nephenthesys)

Playing a trash game is indeed Calamity. Gonna need God's help to tackle this one.

Back into the world of low budget shmups just for your amusement.
Today's review is Shmoup by Phoenix Reborn Games.




There's nothing of value within this game.
Not even a saving grace.

Where do I start with the aspects of Shmoup? The only "good" aspects of the game is that the controls are at least solid and your ship has autofire right out of the start by holding the R2 button, and that's the only nice things to say about this, because it all falls down as soon as you start the game. This is one of those "Arena Shooters" where do you have to survive for the longest time possible, but Phoenix Reborn Games didn't understood that because a few seconds right after the start, you're getting outnumbered by the enemy in a 2-of-8 rate. For 2 ships you take down, 8 will appear on the screen, and keep in mind, these are supposed to be the zako/popcorn type of enemies which should go down with one hit, but guess what, it takes two shots to destroy an enemy ship. Fun factor is on the crying shame levels since the game just spams you with the same type of enemy again and again and again and again and again, and there's not even a single boss fight to break the pattern. Also, with the game overspamming you with enemies faster than you can take down enough of them to clear some space you'd be expecting a shop to upgrade. Well, the game says "No, fuck you" 'cos you're not gonna see a single upgrade store. Not even a fucking item or side-weapon to have the upper hand for a while. Basically, everything that could go wrong with an arena shooter goes wrong in this game. Trophy unlocking is the last "good" thing of the game since it requires you to accumulate a total of 15 minutes through multiple plays, kill specific numbers of enemies and shoot almost 2000 bullets, right after that

Graphically, the game falls on the "Do it retro" category, but at least the ships are an attempt to 16-Bit and are capable of do pixel rotation. Not as amazing as Assault or Ordyne, but the only thing to say is "They could do it better". Also, the ship design feels bootleg-esque. To begin with, your ship looks like a rip-off of the Vic Viper from Sky Girls. You know, the forward-swept wing version, and the enemy is basically a Jedi Starfighter from Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones and that's all. Two characters for an arena shooter, that's pathetic. It's like "Come on!" a major detail of an arena shmup is the enemy variety featuring enemies of different sizes, shapes and color. This game FAILS on that aspect of the game in the most miserable way possible. Being "Low-budget" doesn't mean being that lame and lazy with your game design. Now let's talk about the cursor. It's hard to tell the difference between if you're selecting one option or another, since it uses white and gray tones rather than colored indicators for that and the background is simply horrible, monotonous and outer space generic.
The music is your typical generic techno shit that feels like a "I wanna sound like Daft Punk and Kraftwerk altogether". It may work on a platform, but not on shmups since that was SO OVERUSED, mostly by crappy indie studios. If you're gonna play this, mute the music in the options screen, play "Attitude" by Metallica and try not to get bored until you get the trophies. On a final note in the sound department, selecting "Mute" will also turn the sound effects off. The game designers were too lazy to make a mute option for music and other for sounds.


CURIOUSITIES

- The title is a mispelling of Shmup, probably a nod to Engrish which plagued games like Zero Wing and Blazing Star.




The third option is the best choice in this case.

Cheap and fast trophies aside, Shmoup is a shmup that has nothing to offer to the audience except a few trophies in exchange of 2 bucks. If you don't mind on wasting money in low quality shit, for the sake of a few laughs then go ahead, but the best option is not to do it 'cos that would be because that would encourage them to make another stupid attempt to a videogame.




Congratulations, dipshits!
You've earned the dishonrous "Crying Eda" stamp.
¿Are you proud of yourselves?