Movies you've just watched

[NYN]

Get outta here, buster! That's not a movie, though I'm sure you feel it should be. And why don't you state just that? Back to making bot-statements again? Did I happen to mention that I kinda sorta read some but not all of that magic self-help menu, yet am still on the run from those un-timeless movies? They will never catch me alive! Why the books, though? I slipped one day and I landed with my big honker smack in it. Repeatedly, it seems. Can't say it was fun. Though I sure am glad that I don't know how it ends, since obviously it doesn't!
Have a magic one, y'all!

[vol.2]

The DL was a little too cringe for me . Idk maybe that was the point, but it just didn't hit, and when cringe humor doesn't hit it's the worst.

what'd you find cringe about it?

I saw the movie exactly once, in the theater, 16 years ago, so you'll have to forgive me for inaccuracies or omissions, but this is what I recall thinking at the time:

The movie was, in a nutshell, about 3 brothers reconnecting with each other in the aftermath of family tragedy which they were not dealing with particularly well. The overall premise was sound, if not particularly original, but WA decided to "spice up" the affair by setting this relatively overdone plot in an "exotic" setting. I think the essential cringe (for me) came from the whole premise of exoticizing of Indian culture in general. Specifically, I also remember the sequence with Jason S getting the exotic twat and cucking the Indian because... of course that was going to happen. There's also WA's whole class apologist thing were he romanticizes the dysfunctional relationships of the wealthy

Don't get me wrong, I like his stuff as much as anyone, and I can relate to more of it than I'd like to admit. In a way that's probably the root of some of my "cringe" to this particular film; as it relates to the normative status of the upper-class white male, the dynamics of the exotic and the non normative status of "the other"

[Some-Mist]

yea, I was going to say the themes within DL are common across the majority of his films so I was genuinely curious what your stance was, but exoticizing Indian culture is an accurate way to describe it and I get where you're coming from.

I still absolutely love it. subsequent watches reward you with some fun visual gags, like at the beginning seeing the brothers make their way through the train you can see Francis's assistant Brendan scrunched uncomfortably into one of the beds on a overcrowded train car well before his first interaction with the brothers.

tickled me the same way as the dog that was stuck in the hotel revolving door in life aquatic

[GaijinPunch]

Weird Science

I went to Burning Man as usual, and had a hell of a time. Finally, when I was ready to dry off and leave on Monday, I had a tablet FULL of films to watch. I was accompanied by a lovely gal who is not a native English speaker, and reading subtitles in the cab of a Uhaul seems shitty, so we stuck to something camp and easy. I've seen this a million times and it still delivers. Every fucking time. My lady friend enjoyed it as well. Died laughing when he said, "Gary and I were just in here taking a shit!".

[BIL]

I went to Burning Man as usual, and had a hell of a time. Finally, when I was ready to dry off and leave on Monday, I had a tablet FULL of films to watch.

Glad you survived! ;-;7 I almost made a Where's GP thread when I heard the SHTF, but then I thought "duh, just check his site"

[GaijinPunch]

Glad you survived! ;-;7 I almost made a Where's GP thread when I heard the SHTF, but then I thought "duh, just check his site"

Don't believe the hype! It was rough at times -- and my shelter (which is big but not sealed) didn't last through the rain. It flooded, and it sucked for a while. The lady that accompanied me was an absolute trooper. Went went to a balls to the wall rager Saturday night - one of the best I've attended. Taking all of that shit down in the mud (and even just walking, to be fair) was WAY more work than usual but fuck it. That's why we go. Anyone that moans about it is a pussy and shouldn't go. Do I wish it stayed dry? Of course. I only shot a few rolls of film, but them's the breaks. Looking forward to next year.

[vol.2]

Weird Science
I went to Burning Man as usual, and had a hell of a time.

Dude. I wanted to send you these BM memes, but I was unsure if it was too much because of the crazy reports lol. Glad you are okay.

[GaijinPunch]

Those are nothing -- here are the good ones.

Note that I had Skylink on like a total pussy, so at one point I just jumped on Reddit and looked at the memes. They delivered (as usual).
https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https% ... bd7mb1.png
https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https% ... y7knb1.jpg
https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https% ... 3kjnb1.jpg
https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https% ... abbnb1.png
https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https% ... lx2nb1.jpg
https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https% ... 2ovmb1.jpg

[vol.2]

Those are nothing -- here are the good ones.

"braised tuchus of influencer sprinkled with sugar daddy"

honestly though, i just love the diplo BM memes they are my favorite

[Sengoku Strider]

OMG how did I not know there was a Seagal movie with Ja Rule in it? This might be the greatest hate watch OF ALL TIME.



I will give them credit for totally nailing how car doors work though.

[BIL]

Shop 50 and Em over the other dudes and that's a great microcosm of Ja's career!

[Sengoku Strider]

Shop 50 and Em over the other dudes and that's a great microcosm of Ja's career!

It's called Half Past Dead, so it's obviously an allegory for his career. But if it came out that the working title was "Jeffrey, You Need to Apologize" and the whole thing was bankrolled by G-Unit and Aftermath, that would completely check out.



Penitentiaries is packed with promise makers
Never realized the precious time that bitch niggas is wastin'

[BIL]

[Sengoku Strider]

Seriously, I haven't seen Ja Rule get this obliterated by a girl since all those models refused to get in the hot tub with him in the Fyre Festival documentary.

[GaijinPunch]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mo-ddYh ... UgaXMgamFo

[GaijinPunch]

oops

[Lemnear]

why every Steven Seagal movie is literally a live-action version of a random Beat-Em-Up game?

[Sengoku Strider]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mo-ddYh ... UgaXMgamFo

I swear people remember this bit better than any song Ja ever did. As it should be.

why every Steven Seagal movie is literally a live-action version of a random Beat-Em-Up game?

Because that's the fantasy world he lives in. He once claimed he beat up 100 yakuza when they attacked his dojo in Japan. His Japanese wife from the time (whose father's dojo he worked at) said this never happened. Which I'm sure nobody needed me to tell them since he does Aikido, the not-so-ancient art of training other people to throw themselves on the ground for you.



Although his wife said they never gave him a black belt in that either.

[Lemnear]

why every Steven Seagal movie is literally a live-action version of a random Beat-Em-Up game?

Because that's the fantasy world he lives in. He once claimed he beat up 100 yakuza when they attacked his dojo in Japan.

Bahahahaha what? Why the Yakuza should send 100 men for...a dojo ???

Which I'm sure nobody needed me to tell them since he does Aikido, the not-so-ancient art of training other people to throw themselves on the ground for you.

Is the ONLY action "actor" who NEVER took off his shirt

[vol.2]

Jumanji (2017) 3/5

Thoroughly not terrible. I am basically always a sucker for the Rock (I even liked Jungle Cruise), and Kevin Hart and Jack Black were suitably funny, even considering the middling material they were given to work with. The rest of the supporting cast didn't really add too much, but they also didn't get in the way of the better performances. Bobby Cannavale did a decent job as a family-friendly zombie demon, but there wasn't really any point that you would be upset or scared during the whole affair. Unless, that is, if you were a little kid, and then it's probably just the right amount of scary. The flim is at it's best when it's trying to do world building, and my major criticism is that they didn't do enough of that; there were good scenes relating to the map (which was a kind of central hub for the character's adventure), but they didn't really explore the map enough and do enough surrounding the locations in Jumanji

All in all, it's a fun enough quick movie to watch while eating dinner and doing the laundry, but upon closer examination feels like a bit of a missed opportunity; with a few tweaks to the world building, some higher stakes danger, and a little more scripting, it could have been much more

[Sengoku Strider]

Why the Yakuza should send 100 men for...a dojo ???

Because any true criminal mastermind would understand that 99 men could not be enough to contain this level of martial arts fury.



How does he do it???

[Lemnear]

Why the Yakuza should send 100 men for...a dojo ???

Because any true criminal mastermind would understand that 99 men could not be enough to contain this level of martial arts fury.



How does he do it???

Hope that this isn't some kind of official Aikido demonstration....because is ridiculous how all run behind Seagal to be throwed away by his force field.
Now i want a melee shmup based on this called Steven Seagal: Dojo Defender.

[Sengoku Strider]

Hope that this isn't some kind of official Aikido demonstration....because is ridiculous how all run behind Seagal to be throwed away by his force field.

Yep, it's official. There are throws and joint locks in Aikido that work, but it's premised on the idea that you "harmonize your ki with your opponent" which lets you psychically intercept and redirect all their attacks. Unsurprisingly, this doesn't actually work against an active opponent. There's a great channel called Martial Arts journey, by a guy who started off as a hardcore Aikido instructor who learned the hard way that it's basically a fantasy cult. This is against an MMA guy who's not really hitting and is moving at 1/2 speed:



Martial Arts Journey: Aikido vs MMA - REAL SPARRING

But really, you can slap the "fake " stamp on any martial arts training that says you can consistently:

1. See a fist
2. Recognize it as a punch
3. Calculate its trajectory
4. Move your entire body out of the way
5. Close distance
6. Move both your arms to intercept the opponent's body

...in the time it takes your opponent to extend a single arm. Unless you believe his supreme Aikido prowess makes Steven Seagal into a literal wizard, able to transcend the limitations of physical reality.



But what if he's not.

[NYN]

Re-watching MACHETE, I think Steve Seagull played his abriged bio, adding heroic fantasy with sleazy cooze and a death scene with metal in his fat belly. And people watch flicks with that at the creamy center in echt? How do they do it?

[Lander]

Bahahahaha what? Why the Yakuza should send 100 men for...a dojo ???

What do you mean? That happens all the time in the Sega series, which I'm told is entirely true to life

[Sengoku Strider]

Bahahahaha what? Why the Yakuza should send 100 men for...a dojo ???

What do you mean? That happens all the time in the Sega series, which I'm told is entirely true to life

I literally do not believe prime Seagal could take Skate in a fight.

[emphatic]

I'd love to see Seagal in the hands of Tarantino.

[Sengoku Strider]

I'd love to see Seagal in the hands of Tarantino.

There is nothing he could do with him, he's not Carradine. His acting range includes two faces: tough guy blank stare, and laugh for one shot if the script says so. He is a notorious alcoholic. He hits stunt men, which is what got Tarantino upset enough to put the Bruce Lee scene in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Seagal has a stated "I don't practice lines" rule; everything's one take with him unless he's worried he didn't look cool. And he's 71 years old, it's not like he's got a pile of hidden action movie potential about to bust out. It would just be wasting months of Tarantino's prime for a terrible human being who doesn't deserve it.

[NYN]

I'd love to see Seagal in the hands of Tarantino.

Wringing his neck? Simpsons-style. I dunno if he gots what it takes, expression-wise.
In the hands of his buddy Rodriquez is a closest as mankind can dodge this particular comet.

Could we move beyond this crisis now? Please.

[Lander]

I'd love to see Seagal in the hands of Tarantino.

Somehow I suspect Tarantino's wry ironic spite would want to pull a Death Proof and humiliate the fuck out of his character, no way prideful Stevie would agree to that without some form of trickery