ONE-BUTTON CATASTROPHE
TRASHSTORM IS NOT A REAL STORY.
IS NOT EVEN GOOD FICTION.
IS TRASH GAME REVIEWS.
ALL OF THE GAMES FEATURED WOULD CAUSE A PERSON DISAPPOINTMENT,
ANGER, FRUSTRATION, DEPRESSION, MONEY LOSS INCLUDED.
TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.
This can't be good.
Ouch, Xitilon is back again, and sadly is on the shit game scene with a brand new rap that puts the "C" before the rap: B Cannon.
Worst massacre of the concept of "Retro".
B Cannon's objective consists on one single thing: Survive the most time possible with one single life and no continues. Sounds simple and fun, right. Especially when all you have to do is to shoot down the rings while running around the borders of the square where you're confined, making this a weird mix between a Run N' Gun game and Navarone. It is quite curious that your fire is basically "Auto-aimed" to a random enemy rather than giving the player the option to aim and then shoot, but the game lacks of other functional things like jumping and even moving freely with the Analog Stick or D-Pad. Everything is based on using the fire button to move and fire. ¿How's that? Tapping the button moves your weird looking character and holding the button fires, rendering you vulnerable to a collision with the rings which split after getting hit or being squashed by the big ones at the beginning of the level.
This "Button moves and shoots" bullshit is the same as in Switch N' Shoot where do you have an almost unplayable game because, what do you need in a game to be able to play without being a vulnerable sitting duck? A Controller, what happens when the idiots who made the game didn't gave you the control? You're fucked. This is what happens in B Cannon, the exact same thing.
Graphically, is horrendous, just looking at the screenshots for the review say the whole thing. ¿Is your character a human, a letter H or a minimalist drawing of Australia? Even the Atari 2600 had more quality than this. Being "retro" doesn't mean lazy and HORRENDOUS with the sprite art, just take a look at Pitfall.
The music is the only decent thing of this catastrophe, as we have a Konami-esque catchy chiptune that is quite good and feels like it was made for a Konami game, until the Tim Follin-esque "Brrrm-brrm-brrm" electronic "drumming" hits, giving an interesting mix of game styles. Too bad there's not a pause button to hear the song.
Wish all trash games disappear in a fiery blast.
B Cannon is another stupid attempt of "being retro and simple" but failing on the execution just to give you cheap trophies at the absurd cost of two bucks. Just avoid this fucking thing. I'd feel if I didn't made my job right if you bought it.
When mental sanity is broken, this is the result.