/me goes to HG101 like a fool, looks at Ghost In The Shell (PS1) 'review'
literally 10 paragraphs about the entire history of shirow & character profiles
still going strong on para 11: "The franchise overall is huge." this review is where the phrase 'definite article' goes to die
para 14: oh, we might be getting close to some thoughts on the game?
(four paragraphs of assorted production history minutiae & anime fan gushing later)
"If you ask around, however, those who’ve played it will attest both to its quality and the fact that it has aged better than the majority of 3D games on 32-bit hardware." who's writing the review, John?
next graf has the SHOCKING gameplay revelation, along with some sections of bold text & Drudge Report style flashing red lights.
"It’s basically an arcade-style shooter with fairly simple controls: you move, jump, strafe, and launch power bombs (holding up to a maximum of three), plus fire machineguns by tapping shoot, or holding shoot to charge up to six lock-on missiles which are infinite in supply. All very conventional. What makes it unlike anything else is that you can walk on any flat surface, at any time, for as long as you like." [...] "think back to 1997 – how many other games allowed it? And those that did, was it all the time, or only as a temporary gimmick? Toy Commander for the Dreamcast, released years afterwards, allowed you to roam around the walls of a house, but only in certain vehicles and only when ramps permitted it. Looking at the TV Tropes page on the subject, few games utilise such an idea, and when they do it’s often in a limited capacity so as not to “break” the game. GitS in contrast is built specifically around the ability to walk on any surface, during all but two missions, with the level design reflecting this in intelligent ways."
I would have gone with Aliens vs. Predator's Alien mode released just the next year, myself. I also probably wouldn't have mentioned that I was researching an article for HG101 on TV Tropes.
next paragraph: here's some gripping reasons why GitS is not Jumping Flash or Descent. They aren't, because they are different in basic ways.
next paragraph: detailed breakdown of which stages are indoors and which are outdoors
7 more paragraphs that I can't adequately characterize due to extreme dullness
next: Merchandise section with gigantic picture of an obscure VHS tape case, which is in a superposition of being "the most interesting thing ever posted on hg101" and "the most hg101 thing ever posted"
Overall, I rank this review at 55.5 out of 5 Survivalists Preppers DIY Faraday Cage Kits. For the price, it is an expensive way to secure your computer from brain waves & ions, and the shiny material used flexes & (probably) tears easily, giving the impression it isn't high quality. But the price ($149) & uniform metallic color of the plastic material put my doubts to rest.
edit: on second thought this probably should have been in that reviews thread, hi everybody
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