The Star Wars is a fun junk food thing. 'Neat twists and turns. However, it spends most of its plot buildups on subverting expectations to create this sort of less-satisfying new meta in plot twists. 'Significant multi-film build-ups leading to lacking payoffs. The similarities to past films are still a reminder of diminishing returns. The movie is cool to have happened, but like VII, most of the thing starts to feel halfass if you put thought into much of what events took place.
Setpieces looking like unimaginative Earth activities,
themes of preservation instead of self-sacrifice, except purple-hair commander and Luke kamikaze anyway,
manufactured romantic comedy tension from omission and misunderstandings, the Poe evacuation plan, Luke had a chance to tell Poe and Leia to run before going to projection-breakdance-fight, Luke watching Ben Solo sleep in any capacity,
Let's wind-down the black empires vs white rebellions and setup the next major conflicts to be class warfare and liberating labor camps from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom,
Omitting the end to Kylo-Rey fight, skipping her entire escape from Snoke's ride to the Falcon, then showing up in a episode IV Han-copy spaceship save to aid the copy-paste tension of a death star trench run, but stapled onto the copy-paste of Battle of Hoth without ATAT tripwires,
John Williams recycling music from unrelated scenes.
Star Wars storytelling feels a lot like Dragon Ball. It's only really good in the small moments and the OMG WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT, but the overall stories are horseshit when you view them as a whole, an act, or a plot.
You have a
ship hyperspacing through shielded flagships as a one-hit-kill. Best scene in the movie, yeah! Now it trivializes like, five other films. You're telling me every death star and star destroyer could have died instantly by hyperspacing a truck through it,
so why do anything dramatic at all?
What's more interesting than VII or VIII is this nerdculture continuing to prop the franchise up as these end-all tentpole events. Why do the most entertaining reviewers like Plinkett only come out of the woodwork to expend great energy to tear down mediocre sci-fi cinema? Why is there a significant population who claims to dislike the film, yet quickly purchased multiple tickets and spent the extra time seeing it twice or more? Why are "longtime" outraged fans unable to spot copy-paste parallels like
faux-badass Phasma is a faux-badass Boba Fett,
crotchety sarcastic Luke is crotchety sarcastic episode V Yoda,
Luke's poor-communication self-sacrifice to assist a group escape is episode IV Kenobi poor-communication self-sacrifice to assist a group escape,
backstabber DJ Codebreaker is backstabber Lando,
Kylo betraying Snoke is Vader betraying Palpatine,
Rey's shockingly insignificant parents reveal is Luke's shocking Vader-dad reveal.
What underbelly of social currency do people have to gain here? Is it time to conclude that the "understood" quality of intelligence among nerds, geeks, and dorks is no longer there? Should we collectively decide that nerds, geeks, and dorks are just stupid, stupid inferior people jocks should go back to violently bullying?
I dunno mang. Nerds chasing google trends makes everybody look like dumb bottomfeeders.
Oh and drinking a flask before the movie starts and not wanting to go pee hurts my bladder. John Williams score now conditions stomach pains.
hm.. I wrote too much science. I, too, deserve to be gut-punched and shoved in a locker..