Help a fellow shmupper out

[endoKarb]

I won't go into too much detail, but I grew up (and still live) in a very abusive household, and I have been subject to significant emotional abuse a kid, and after that. Always had a few friend at best, never really been in a close emotional relationship with anyone.

The only person I'm close to is my older brother, the only half-way decent human being in my immediate family.

I turned 23 recently. I've never finished high-school and I've never worked a day of my life, and I don't have much in the way of "marketable" skills, or even just useful life skills in general.

I was frequently left alone for extended period of time as a kid, and I have pretty much been living as an hikkikomori since my dad passed away a few years ago.

I'm temperamental and impulsive, and have HUGE problems with sticking to one thing for a lot of time. I general, I feel I cannot rely on myself, at all.

For example last year I enrolled at a local high-school again (evening classes), but I dropped out after a few months. The more I pushed myself to try and endure the mind-numbing monotony of school life, the more I started sliding into depression.

The daily sensation of walls closing in around me is keeps getting more and more intense each and every day.

I can't remember a single day in the past 8 years where I wasn't wrecking my brain trying to come with ideas of how the hell to fix my life, but I'm not really getting anywhere on my own, and the people in my life... they have mostly been a huge negative influence on me.

I'm feeling the exaggerate urgency of reaching out to someone, anyone...

The funniest thing of the whole ordeal, as I'm finishing typing this, is that I don't feel any shame at all in discussing at depth how much of a failure and a screw-up I am.

The only thing I feel ashamed and scared, really scared of is asking anyone's help. I've always been a big fan of straight-up honesty though... let's see if it does any good.

Thanks for your patience and understanding.

[cave hermit]

Look you need to finish high school if you want to get anywhere in life. Just stick with it, you don't need to get perfect grades, just do what you're asked to do to the best of your abilities.

[Xyga]

Yeah focus on school, then get whatever training program you can get in and focus on getting a job.
While you do this check your health, don't eat crap, work out a bit and don't got to sleep late after midnight (read a book instead of staying in front of a computer/tv screen).
Check your appearance as well, a bit of effort will change how people see you and it will make communication easier.

Schedule all of this. It's the only way out. Really.
We don't live in an era where people will spontaneously come to you, understand your trouble, and save you. Because most are already too busy dealing with their own shit.

[cave hermit]

While you do this check your health, don't eat crap, work out a bit and don't got to sleep late after midnight (read a book instead of staying in front of a computer/tv screen).
Check your appearance as well, a bit of effort will change how people see you and it will make communication easier.

Actually I should probably be doing this as well

[Xyga]

Actually I should probably be doing this as well

Me too.
(for reals I've been trying these past few months but man it's tough. I quit smoking though, best achievement so far)

[Specineff]

Get your GED at least.

[rancor]

I'm going to go ahead and echo what everyone else here says in that your #1 priority should be finishing H.S. I know it's mind-numbing, and I doubt there are many of us that can say that those years were stimulating, or even worthwhile. Hell - the only reason I stayed was because it's what was expected of me, and for the social aspect. Classes were an afterthought. It is a test of endurance, and everyone from your more intelligent peers to future employers know this. It's seen as "how well can you commit to something and stick with it?" Unless you have an incredible engine (drive) or a million dollar idea, you're going to be dependent on other people for employment, and the first thing they will look at to see what the future may hold is what you've done in the past. At this point you don't seem to have shown anyone that you're willing to commit to much of anything ,and this needs to change if you want to see any forward movement in your life. Finishing high-school will be the first step to showing people that you can take on a challenge and complete it.

[drauch]

Get your GED at least.

^This, no matter what.

[Squire Grooktook]

Get your GED at least.

^This, no matter what.

[KindGrind]

I'm going to go ahead and echo what everyone else here says in that your #1 priority should be finishing H.S. I know it's mind-numbing, and I doubt there are many of us that can say that those years were stimulating, or even worthwhile. Hell - the only reason I stayed was because it's what was expected of me, and for the social aspect. Classes were an afterthought. It is a test of endurance, and everyone from your more intelligent peers to future employers know this.

This, entirely. You seem to be writing well (in English at least, I'm assuming as a second language), which is typically a considerable hurdle for people wanting to get their HS diploma. When you can't write, all the subjects are affected and you're pretty much screwed.

Recognizing the people around you are poison and going your way is also hard, but always pays in the long run. Night lessons, finding a part-time job for subsistence, keeping in touch with your older brother... These are the things you should focus on. Keeping a cheap hobby should also be pretty up there in the short list. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, after all.

Hang in there.

[Skykid]

You're not a failure or a screw-up, you're young and have faced a lot of adversity. Don't blame yourself for the circumstantial problems you find yourself in, they're not your fault.

I turned 23 recently. I've never finished high-school and I've never worked a day of my life, and I don't have much in the way of "marketable" skills, or even just useful life skills in general.

This is a long shot, but, I'm an advocate of self-employment as a life changer. If there's something that interests you creatively that has a market for making a few bucks, seize it with both hands and dedicate all your free time to it. The wonder of the internet and affordable PCs means that there's a way to educate yourself practically free of charge these days, and enjoy learning something at the same time.

Whatever you choose to do, chin up and best of luck.

[Blackbird]

The bad news is that you're in a really bad situation. The good news is that you're still young enough to push your life in a better direction. The first thing I would do is get out of the abusive living environment you're in, if you can. If you have decent relatives who would be willing to take you in for a while and help you sort this out, that would be ideal. So long as you continue to be in an abusive situation, you will just continue the cycle of self-destruction whenever you try to reach for anything better. You can't build a castle on sand - you need to make positive circumstances to grow. You've already taken the first step; at least you recognize that you're in a bad situation and are looking for help.

If you can't get out, at least try to distance yourself by getting out of the house frequently. Kill two birds with one stone and take up jogging and outdoor exercise as a hobby. Exercise will probably make you feel better and improve your self confidence.

Are you clinically depressed? It sounds to me like you might be, if you're staying inside a lot and find it difficult to retain interest in things. When I get depressed, even the things I really like seem boring to me and I'm unproductive, it really sucks. The only real way to fight it is to exercise more and keep a healthy lifestyle.

Being idle is literally the worst thing. I slip into depression very easily when I'm idle. I try to keep myself very busy all the time in order to avoid this. It sounds like you don't have a lot of things to do. You're not working or in school, so you need to fill that time up with something, or you'll get into your own head too much and start to doubt yourself.

Do you have any musical or artistic aptitude? I know a lot of people who come from really crappy backgrounds find it very cathartic to air out all those bad feelings in creative pursuits, and it also passes the time. It can be a pretty cheap hobby, too, depending on what you get into. You can even turn it into a job if you get good enough at it.

You really do need to finish high school or get your GED, though. It might be tough at your age, but you just need to do it. Try to make friends in your classes. If you have an enjoyable reason to go to school, then you be able to stick with it more easily. Your English is good, so you must be good at at least one subject, and reading comprehension can get you very far by itself if you think problems through.

Hope that helps.

[LEGENOARYNINLIA]

Have you ever stayed away from these abusive people you live with? If you felt better without them, you should just find a way to live on your own / somewhere where they can't reach you. I've done that. Best decision I've ever made.

[CIT]

Get your GED at least.

^This, no matter what.

You guys do realize that he's not from the US?

[drauch]

Realized that shortly afterwards. Is there some sort of equivalent, or something similar? If not, I think the message is clear: education, if you can.

[Specineff]

You guys do realize that he's not from the US?

Gah. Hadn't seen his location. Apologies.

[LordHypnos]

It's really just kind of a +1 type thing, but education is probably the only way you'll be able to find work, so definitely finish your secondary education if possible. You might want to do some kind of vocational training as well. There's a lot to be said for a more traditional university education, but it's time consuming and doesn't put you in as good of a place for getting a job. I don't know how it works in Italy, but in the US High School is seldom vocational, but I think in some countries it is. I know a lot of high school dropouts (many of my best friends, in fact), and most of them are doing alright, but they initially got jobs through relatives, family friends, etc, which gave them experience to get jobs outside of that network (actually, that goes for a lot of non-dropouts, I know as well). Not everyone is lucky enough to have that option, however, so that's why I recommend some kind of vocational training, preferably in some field where there's a strong demand for labor.

I know from experience, staying physically healthy does a lot for your emotional health. A lot of the time people get depressed because they aren't getting enough vitamins and minerals and shit, or enough exercise. I personally find jogging really boring, and would recommend bicycling or swimming instead, or maybe some kind of sports, but some people would disagree. Outdoor stuff is probably better just because you'll get a bit more sunlight, which is also healthy (unless you let yourself get burned, of course), and fresh air. IDK how much difference the fresh air really makes, tho.

IDK. I hope that's in some way helpful to you. Best of luck, man. You managed to 1-ALL Gunbird 2, so I think you must have some determination in you.

[Strikers1945guy]

Yeah, getting out of the abuse is first and foremost. After that, the education thing is all well and good, even high school (or equivalent), but getting out of the abuse would mean being on your own and that requires $$$. So, job second, education third I would say. After that, finding a decent job or one you like would hopefully follow.

[Blinge]

Being idle is literally the worst thing. I slip into depression very easily when I'm idle.

Agreed. hell, i'm here now.

If you want a decent job anywhere at some point in your life, you'll need any sort of employment now. Temporary work agencies or recruitment agencies could be a good idea. Just sign up to one, say you're computer literate and they could get you into a boring-as-fuck data entry role that isn't difficult but will get the money coming in and give you some experience to put on your resumé/CV. Either that or something like packing boxes. While it sounds awful; I've been there and found myself just zoning out/daydreaming all day while i worked on autopilot - just having a routine and some money coming in was a welcome change from nothing. Also it'll give you experience in interacting with co-workers, which is probably underrated.

Do you live in an urban area?

[Jonst]

I echo everything people have said here so far and have also been in similar situations to blinge, monotonous packing jobs... Also long periods of being on my own, shitty relationships etc. on a simpler level, do you have any other interests or hobbies? I find escapism is quite important to coping with the shit stuff, reading, drawing, music, guitar as well as games of course, all help to lift me up when depression starts seeping in.
Of course though, those things in moderation... But definitely remove yourself from the abuse first and then think about your next step. Good luck mate, this isn't going to be easy. I'm sure many people relate to your situation in one way or another...

[DEL]

Well I've spent some time with you at the last two Stunfests and you're a clever guy. So no worries there. You are still very young and you must never let stupid society pressures affect you. However I'm sad to hear about your family.
I agree with everything Skykid wrote:

You're not a failure or a screw-up, you're young and have faced a lot of adversity. Don't blame yourself for the circumstantial problems you find yourself in, they're not your fault.

This is a long shot, but, I'm an advocate of self-employment as a life changer. If there's something that interests you creatively that has a market for making a few bucks, seize it with both hands and dedicate all your free time to it. The wonder of the internet and affordable PCs means that there's a way to educate yourself practically free of charge these days, and enjoy learning something at the same time.

Whatever you choose to do, chin up and best of luck

.
Self employment is always the best.
Always.
But get some work skills. Something specific that makes you needed.

[Imhotep]

physical exercise helps in many ways, also to keep calm, and is easy to do.

[Eaglet]

+1 on pretty much everything that's been said here.
I've met you in person and even though we haven't spoken that much i can tell that you (even if you don't believe it yourself) definitely are an individual with all of the prerequisites to make something of yourself and turn your situation around.
I recommend that you try to by the best of your abilities problematize the different factors affecting your well being.
Writing them all down and trying to come to some sort of conclusion on the root cause will probably help you tackle them more rationally and effectively.
Even though the amount of problems might seem overwhelming, try to see them all as challenges you have to overcome, mountains you have to climb.
Not only will overcoming all of these challenges help you grow as an individual but also give you loads of confidence and self-esteem that will help you in every aspect of your life from there on out.
You're still young. There are only possibilites for you out there. Once at the bottom there is only one way to go.
The absolute worst thing you can do is to just give up and see the situation as unsolvable, because it never is.

Best of luck with getting through this! You've got the entire forum rooting for you.

[Khan]

physical exercise helps in many ways, also to keep calm, and is easy to do.

This 1000x times, the more you think negative about yourself the more you start to believe it to be true exercise really changed that for me personally and it will for you too because all this is physiological....feeling good about yourself should be number one for everybody and exercise really helps with that I really hope you come through with it the key is not to sit idle and keep yourself and your mind occupied.

As other people have said pick up another hobby maybe Motorcycling or Cycling just to see the outdoors and beautiful scenery that is also a great idea, keep your chin up I have been in a similar situation where you feel utterly useless, ugly and feel nothing but contempt for yourself but the key is accept you haven't had the perfect life but your in charge of where it goes from here on in, Happiness will come.

[Specineff]

Endokarb, your original post suggests you have a good mastery of English. Perhaps this can work to your advantage? I know it's not uncommon for Europeans to speak more than one tongue, but this could be one marketable skill. If you don't feel comfortable enough with it, a little practice or a course can help you polish it even further. Heck, it could help you learn and master another tongue, like German.

Please keep us posted.

EDIT: KindGrind brought it up already, but felt I could chime in with my suggestion.