Movies you've just watched

[GaijinPunch]

Highlander [1986]

Sweet Mary, Mother of God do I have questions: the most pertinent being how on Earth did this get elevated to being such a beloved piece of history? Runners up include many around the accents; why did they blow the entire budget on locations, the Queen soundtrack, and Sean Connery and only leave $8 for the script; if they are immortal why do they care about falling off of buildings; and finally, why was Sean Connery's peacock mantle only featured for less than a minute?

I guess I can get behind the concept but boy was the execution horrible. Everything screams 1982 or earlier, so I was surprised to see this was from 1986. And... sequels? I guess it made a lot of dough... somehow. (Read the storyline for Part II. Good grief ) The fact that this ranks neck and neck Big Trouble in Little China on IMDB (and IMDB suggests the latter on its page) hurts. WTF.

[BIL]

It's more than a bit shite tbh. 3; Shoulda cast Clancy Brown as the anti-hero with an even meaner cunt as his nemesis. Or hell just SHON CONREH though he was clearly working on his super-profitably "WISE OL GRANDPA" persona by then. The Tight SCOTCH BASTAD :O

Still you'll never forget The Backflip Scene mirite ;3

WHOA RADICOOL BRO :O

Big Trouble kicks its ass and shits on its face, needless to say. Better music too! Fuck Queen! I want the COUP DE VILLES YO

[GaijinPunch]

Lol... I actually dozed off for a second I guess during that scene... or I was blown away by the pro wrestling just before it? Ugh.

Big Trouble in Little China actually has a script, and the delivery of it is most of the charm of the movie. Christopher Lambert is just... bad.

Anyway, I was going to put in a controversial entry in here to get your attention, b/c I don't think you frequent the much less entertaining "What are you Reading Thread". But, since you're here, I'll give it a quick mention. Have you looked at Heat 2? (Don't read beyond the first paragraph as IMHO it gets too into the story for its own good). I just finished it. Fantastic. Mann says he's gonna make it a film but we will see how that goes. He's just now started on his next theatrical endeavor.

[BIL]

I spotted that and was most intrigued! Here's hoping Mann pulls it off, such a consistently entertaining guy. I've said it elsewhere but it's like getting a fuckoff massive juicy American cheeseburger with some unpronounceable French pate on top. Rewatched the original not long ago, one of the great comfort food 90s Neo-Westerns.

[drauch]

I do like Highlander, but admittedly it's pushing two decades since I've last seen it and need to revisit to confirm said warm fuzzers. If you thought it was bad, I dare you to watch Highlander 2. It's insane and if I recall, everyone regretted it and just wanted the buxxx.

[BIL]

Highlander 2 occupies a weird little niche in then-little me's brain. It was heavily promoted by the nascent EGM, in the same issue as Terminator 2... which, if nothing else, was a popularly beloved and very profitable sequel (with lots of licensed games). Meanwhile, I never heard of HL2 again, until decades later, when I learned it was one of the most universally despised sequels ever.

(I wonder why HL2 was even in there, other than the usual attempts at branching out into other geeky media, something EGM would attempt now and then over their lifespan... the wording is a hoot, spot the euphemised decapitation; on par with any Austere Religious Scholar )

OMAKE#1 TG16 Ninja Spirit (yo that game is fuckin BUSSIN, get it now on ACA! AND read muh guide PLS )

Spoiler

OMAKE#2 Shadow of Teh Ninja (classic NATSUME FC POWER TRIO goodness! yo - these are some downright quality picks, Young EGM!)

Spoiler

OMAKE#3 Highlander II Cameo

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Now that's quality bowdlerisation! Gotta sell them R-rated decapithons to the kids somehow, mirite

P... "precision cuts?" Where's my Miami Connection GIFs... aha!
TASTE MAH FOCKEN STEEL YA WEE FANNEH /shonCONREH

Spoiler

Ah man, I don't do nostalgia as a rule - either it's worth having around or it isn't, imo - but those early EGMs I bought from my grandpa's little grocery store, god damn. ;-; I remember that particular one lost its cover so goddamn fast, being shared about at school, I totally forgot what it ever looked like. Still got its naked ass in the obligatory Rubbermaid container full of olde mags, ofc.

EDIT: Haha, they was BOTH nekkid Turns out it was an earlier, Simpsons-cover issue with the HL2 rimjob! Simpsons, Terminator, Batman... bleh. Whole lotta license. That gorgeous zoomed-in CRT shot of MD Strider, OTOH, now I could FAP 2 THAT 4 REAL

[GaijinPunch]

So I do have a slight confession: Michael Ironside is a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine, and I have no idea why. Maybe from the V TV series or Top Gun. Not sure... Loved it when he'd pop up for whatever reason. So, I'm tempted to look at Highlander 2 and see if it's the true shit ball everyone says it is. But, for now I need to spend my time with quality stuff.

[BIL]

Ah shit, I forgot to edit in - yeah totally, I'd forgotten he was in it. Ironside is the kind of stalwart who'll make even the worst, worst shite tolerable, on sheer presence - see also Lance Henriksen and the late Donald Pleasance. God bless those men. ;-;7

Don't watch the Henriksen-starring "Inanimate" aka "Harbinger Down" though! An absolute nothing of a Z-grade Thing knockoff. It's fookin shoite m8! Cheeky cunts even renamed the bastard, trying to get me to chuck it in me handbasket, down te Tesco's!

Instead, I suggest one of the great man's classic turns in HBO's Tales From The Crypt series, like Cutting Cards or - especially - Yellow! Perhaps the finest Crypt ep ever, and Henriksen right in the middle of the ghastly mess.



"He's YYYELLAAAAAAAAAH!" Fookin chills man

[vol.2]

I do like Highlander, but admittedly it's pushing two decades since I've last seen it and need to revisit to confirm said warm fuzzers. If you thought it was bad, I dare you to watch Highlander 2. It's insane and if I recall, everyone regretted it and just wanted the buxxx.

I loved Highlander as a kid. My friends and I would play act the battle scenes, and all the weird mystical crossover stuff was super compelling; the ambiguity of the plot made it fun to imagine what the truth was, and we had a very, very low bar for acting prowess as 10 year olds. I think that was what made HLII happen; there was a craving amongst the fan base to learn more about the story and we were excited at the prospect of Sean Connery returning. It was universally (in my friend circle) disappointing of course. We were all old enough to understand that it wasn't as good as we thought, and second movie really was even worse than the first.

I rewatched the first movie in the summer of 2020 with my then-gf, and we both enjoyed it. Clancy Brown as The Kurgan was undeniably the highlight of the whole film; his maniacal laughter is as infectious as it is unhinged!

[BIL]

Clancy Brown is a treasure of film villainy. He and Tony Todd are the 80s/90s dudes I always think of for the archetypal "Bad Motherfucker" heavies in Hollywood movies. A particularly commanding sort of menace; brooding anger and violence tempered by imperious distance. Like a well-fed cat lazily eyeing a hapless mouse. He absolutely sold the concept of an immortal reaving evil, almost a Viking vampire. Unsurprising that both have theatre in their CVs with presences like that.

...what is the appeal of Christopher Lambert, anyway? Just on this page alone, there's three icons - Brown, Connery, Ironside - surrounding his corny ass. Was he somebody's cousin, or did he photograph a Hollywood exec with a busload of schoolkids, or something?

[TransatlanticFoe]

Highlander is literally the only thing of note he's been in really! Testament to the quality of that first film, amazing it worked at all really when you have a Frenchman playing a Scot and a Scot playing an Egyptian/Spaniard Fortress was alright, as budget flicks go - and even there the talent's in Kurtwood Smith doing his bad guy act.

Ironside is always good value. I don't remember him in Highlander II but then I don't remember Highlander II at all and I'm quite inclined to keep it that way. He singlehandedly made a good portion of Terminator Salvation worth watching though.

[BIL]

Ahh, I remember Fortress in the ol' tape club. At some point, its "genius scientist VS hole in sky" concept started melding with the Highlander series itself in my middleschooler head (the HL tv series was all the rage around this time). Tone wasn't unlike the stuff Rutger Hauer and Peter Weller had settled into, around that twilight early 90s period (Split Second and Screamers come to mind, the latter being pretty decent imo, a Phillip K. Dick adaptation much like Hauer's earlier defining picture).

Not to impugn either of those distinguished science-fiction actors with comparisons to Lambert.

Ah, god dammit. Why must Alan Partridge clips be so hard to find on teh toob? Other than the BBC being cunts that is! His SCI-FI EXTRAVAGANZA ("Rutger Hauer is trapped in the past, pursued by a CYBERPUNK played by Malcom McDowell!") would go a treat here. Crikey, there's another 70s/80s icon who'd found comfy landing in the VHS b-circuit (McDowell doing quite well in Class of 1999, alongside the always dependable oldschool hard nut John P. Ryan).

[Mischief Maker]

Highlander is great as a film-length music video for Queen. I also think it slipstreamed heavily off The Terminator's success.

The conceit behind Lambert's casting in Highlander is his weird accent, ostensibly built over centuries of learned languages and dialects.

Granted the love for it might be people grading on a curve, because all the sequels are terrible, but while Highlander 2 is the "worst" it's also the most entertaining sequel with how goofball the story went.

If you're going to watch Highlander 2, I strongly suggest seeking out the original theatrical release. Before George Lucas started butchering Star Wars with his "special" editions, Highlander 2 tried to edit its way from insane to mediocre with the "renegade cut" and I think you'd be missing out on the full jaw-meet-floor experience with the changes.

But Highlander 2 is not Ironside's greatest performance. If you want a better movie featuring Ironside going full ham, I once again strongly suggest "Turbo Kid."

Edit: Well lookee what I found!

[BIL]

Edit: Well lookee what I found!

Oho, nice. Cheers, downloaded like a muhfucka. Amazing what you can find on TEH TOOB nowadays. Or sometimes what you can't! I see the excellent microbudget horror-comedy Hollywood Mortuary (1998) ("He can suck my hairy British nuts!") is no more there, apparently. Ah well, win some lose some etc etc.

[GaijinPunch]

I am thrilled that I've stirred up such replies based on this gigantic turd. To sum everything up, I am in full agreement that Clancy Brown was the highlight of the film. I was pleased when he showed up for an episode or two of Lost -- perhaps the best two episodes in the series. (The first Desmond episodes).

All this Ironside love, and nobody's mentioned The Machinist?

@MM - I know you've been full speed on Turbo Kid. Didn't know Ironside was in it. I'll put it in the list when I activate Netflix. I've steered clear of it for the most part.

[vol.2]

Night of the Creeps (1986) 6.5/10

Fred Dekker's first shot is almost a high water mark for him. Starring Rusty from the National Lampoon movies, it's a comedy horror film set in Greek life on a college campus.

There's some really good storytelling going on in the background; an alien ship ejects a deadly symbiote; a serial killer escapes from a mental institution (you get the idea). But it's all set-up as a John Hughes style brat-pack wannabe romantic comedy.

What I didn't like is that there wasn't quite enough gore, and the various plotlines don't really get resolved or connected together very well. Then again, it's not terrible for what it is, and the pacing doesn't drag and there are plenty of good creepy moments to keep things moving through to the end. If only Fred Dekker could have stuck with the classic horror film homage stuff rather than fade away into mediocrity. Sigh


Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie 6/10

Some excellent fight scenes, characters are true to their video game personas, animation is consistently great. The story is overall competent, but it's no where near interesting enough to make this a classic. It's way better than anyone had the right to expect an animated movie for a fighting game would be, and that's about it.

Notable that the names here are the Japanese variant (i.e. Bison is Vega and Balrog is Bison and Vega is Balrog).

[drauch]

Oh man, speaking of both Clancy Brown and Michael Ironside, don't forget Walter Hill's Extreme Prejudice. Killer movie with a helluva cast on top of that, even. Nick Nolte, Powers Boothe, Rip Torn, William Forsythe, fuggin' Tiny Lister, Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds, Mickey Jones the lovable redneck character actor, and even more familiar faces. It's sick, and now on a fairly cheap Bluray.

[xxx1993]

Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie is a classic regardless of which version you watch.

[Air Master Burst]

Granted the love for it might be people grading on a curve, because all the sequels are terrible, but while Highlander 2 is the "worst" it's also the most entertaining sequel with how goofball the story went.

But Highlander 2 is not Ironside's greatest performance. If you want a better movie featuring Ironside going full ham, I once again strongly suggest "Turbo Kid."

Edit: Well lookee what I found!

Highlander 2 and 3 might suck, but the Highlander TV show and Highlander 4 are both awesome! Granted, a lot of that might be due to how much that smokeshow Adrian Paul makes my area hurt, but still!

For my money Michael Ironside's finest hour was as Darkseid on the old Superman cartoon, but Turbo Kid is fantastic too! I'm very interested in the upcoming tie-in video game for Turbo Kid.

[BIL]

All this Ironside love, and nobody's mentioned The Machinist?

My nuts hurt remembering him in that movie Grabbed poor Christian Bale right his fookin jaffers, after he got rude with him - to be fair, in his own house! Great intense, almost black-comedic scene, with poor Ironside just trying to enjoy his shaweet severance (haw!) package, and show off his new drill - only for Bale to spoil the mood of serendipitous workplace dismemberment! Read the room bro! Then, out comes the claw - aieee!

FOOKIN CHRIST! ME FOOKIN PLUMS M8! (that's what I yell every time I rewatch )

Then again - man's down to one arm, no time to hesitate! Hit hard and fast with a deadly low blow, and headbutt the cunt for good measure!

I'm all about his Verhoeven stuff - Total Recall and Starship Troopers - where he's so clearly in his element: stone-faced ultraviolence. Particularly TR's Richter, just the complete Ultra Evil 80s Henchman. Not even getting cucked by AHNULD can generate sympathy for the evil shit! (technically 90s Henchman, but anything up to 92's fair game ).

I'll always consider Darryl Revok (Scanners' antagonist) his defining role, though. His fatal O-Face during the iconic headsplosion is rarely matched! Coincidentally, that's another 80s icon with a dud lead, saved by a master of villainy. And just like Clancy's Kurgan, he was only in his 20s at the time, despite radiating the casual evil of a wicked man decades more world-worn. That hairline help though (as did Kurgan's skinhead cosplay!)

Oh man, speaking of both Clancy Brown and Michael Ironside, don't forget Walter Hill's Extreme Prejudice. Killer movie with a helluva cast on top of that, even. Nick Nolte, Powers Boothe, Rip Torn, William Forsythe, fuggin' Tiny Lister, Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds, Mickey Jones the lovable redneck character actor, and even more familiar faces. It's sick, and now on a fairly cheap Bluray.

A1 rec, gonna watch that one tonight. Hill was a goddamn beast in his prime. So many soulfully nails-hard flicks stacked with star performers. Can't say I've seen anything by him post-80s, but anything from there on back is good times.

[drauch]

I've yet to watch his 90s westerns, but he was hit-or-miss then and after. He did two pseudo-remakes set in different periods that are great. Trespass is kind of like an urban Treasure of the Sierra Madre, and Last Man Standing with Bruce Willis is another Yojimbo take, this time set in the 1930s. I like both quite a bit.

[BIL]

Trespass sounds like the ticket, ta bud! Gonna check that one out over the weekend - I'm hopeless with these 70s/80s old stalwarts once the late 90s doldrums struck. After enduring The Tragedy of John Carpenter I couldn't face the living hell again 3; ( )

*MOUF OF MADNESS excepted, that one's pretty good!

[BryanM]

Skimmed about 20 minutes through Jurassic World: Dominion. Jesus christ.... I thought Silent Night Deadly Night 2 was devoid of entertainment, but this thing...

Stop a minute and consider: They could have written anything. Literally anything. And of all the infinite possibilities they could have drawn from the primordial soup of creation, they slapped this thing onto paper. And the people in power read it and said "yeah, that's the ticket".

It's so easy, man. Make main characters who aren't naggy horrible assholes to be around. Make a villain with soft, believable motivations. Have some dinosaurs create trouble in that bubble. Don't insult the audience by having none of the humans capable of aiming a gun. "How could they fuck up a Jurassic Park movie?" this complete dumbass thought to himself, not having seen a Jurassic Park movie in the last 20 years.

Movies are freaking terrible now. All the talent moved to TV, didn't it?

[vol.2]

Stop a minute and consider: They could have written anything. Literally anything. And of all the infinite possibilities they could have drawn from the primordial soup of creation, they slapped this thing onto paper. And the people in power read it and said "yeah, that's the ticket".

I recently rewatched the Sam Raimi Spiderman movies and I had the same thought about 3; I find it bizarre that the script got signed off on. Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to put a jazz hands musical number in there? Peter Parker the 2007 edge lord (face palm emoji).

But yeah, JWD is a crap sandwich. I got roped into seeing it in the theater and it pretty much ruined my evening.

[Mischief Maker]

Skimmed about 20 minutes through Jurassic World: Dominion. Jesus christ.... I thought Silent Night Deadly Night 2 was devoid of entertainment, but this thing...

Forgive me...

https://youtu.be/OFhZE-6-75Y

[dojo_b]

Still shaking my head about just how much hype Highlander built up around The Gathering in NYC... and then we only meet a piddling number of actual Immortals there. I don't have time to consult my extensive notes, but it was like, 4 or something? Kurgan was cool though, no doubt.

[BryanM]

Really was out of the loop for only this year, to learn that Airplane! was a remake of Zero Hour! but with jokes added in.

The Naked Gun rebootmake or whatever is well... maybe the first one I'd rather they just not, a little. You know me, I'm a garbage connoisseur, normally I love it when they rehash all these movies I'm never going to see but can enjoy vicariously from the internet outrage they always bring out of people.

Hearing that the Little Mermaid rebuttmook is an entire freaking year away utterly blew my mind. Who has the ability to pay attention to anything for that long anymore. Esp. for a 1.5 hour long movie? SMH.

Netflix rolling out the long-talked about "pay to see ads" tier is gonna be a fun show. We'll see how their plans to turn the internet into Cable TV go. I have faith in my fellow man, on this one.

[BIL]

I have faith in my fellow man, on this one.

It'll be interesting to see. The only reason I watch the shows I do is No Fucking Ads. You put those in? Your ADS just become AIDS, sugar tits - because my Tom Hanks-lookin' ass is flying out the door like a moth, down the clinic! THE PIRATING CLINIC THAT IS

What's mines is mines. WHATS YOURS IS MINES TOO

It's all shit Bryan, 99% of it anyway (■｀w´■) Find something you love and treasure it because there's a rancid ocean of shite lapping at your island of happiness 3;

[vol.2]

There aren't enough shows on Netflix that I care about enough for that. Warrior Nun and The Witcher are about it, and I am content to watch those when at someone else's place that has them. At the very most, I might wait for a couple years and then binge everything in a single month and then cancel it. I forsee that strategy increasing all around.

Disney those bastards weened people slowly by making paid Hulu ads part of their bundle, while plus and ESPN are ad free (I think ESPN is, I don't watch it).

[xxx1993]

Halloween Ends was a good sendoff for Laurie Strode.