Speaking of whipping a dead horse... Indiana Jones 5!

[Mischief Maker]

I assume the Dial of Destiny is the unregistered shareware program they used to de-age Harrison Ford in the flashbacks.

https://youtu.be/ZfVYgWYaHmE

Let's cut the Indiana Jones march to half-tempo and throw in some overly heavy bass-boosted synth to turn a fun 80s revival of the lighthearted movie serials of old into the most self-important unnecessary cultural "event" since "Picard." Guaranteed to make even the most young-at-heart feel the icy hand of the reaper looming over their shoulders!

[Steamflogger Boss]

Deep sigh. No way I can bring myself to watch this one. I did watch Crystal Skull and ugh.

[BryanM]

Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny?

The youtube comments are quite excellent. Youtube comments have been getting better and better over the years... unlike Harrison Ford.

What's funny was he was on the Conan O'Brian show talking about this. In the 90's. It might have been possible Ford said he'd be too old to play Indie, and Conan was like "nah, you could just lay in your bed and send out whipper-snappers to bring ya stuff".

I'd link it, but this was way before youtube and you know how the internet feels about old stuff. Like Harrison Ford.

[BIL]

Just picked up the latest Hello! for my grandma, and saw this on the back cover:

Spoiler

"Oh! How delightful!" I mused. I even considered watching. Bridges of Madison County vibes, with similarly wizened Clint and... Meryl Streep? Cybil Shepherd? One of those. I've not seen that, either.

Then I sat in my favourite chair with a steaming mug of tea and a pack of Cheetos, and saw this thread, and remembered Indy 5. 3;

It's not so bad really. 90% of everything is shit. There's no rule against cross-migration. Sometimes shitty things sort themselves out. Sometimes good things turn to shit. Actually, I would say a great deal of the time, for the latter.

[EmperorIng]

Why does the Dial of Destiny sound like a subtitle to a licensed shovelware shitteo game that came out on the Playstation 2?

[drauch]

It sounds like a JRPG if anything imo.

[neorichieb1971]

I will watch it as it features the UK for large parts. But I'm not holding my breath for a decent story. Seems like a CGI fest.

One thing that I hate with sequels 20+ years after the original is that they never use the original soundtrack. In the star wars 7 8 9 trilogy they used the original soundtrack once with the Falcon and that was the only bit that got me excited in 10 hours of movies. Can you imagine a "Jaws" sequel without the soundtrack?

[EmperorIng]

Can you imagine a "Jaws" sequel

after Jaws 3D, I'd rather not

[BryanM]

Somebody say something about shitty shark movies? There's just something special about them. The AVGN video of James desperately sawing into impenetrable dvd cases to get at the precious precious shitty shark movies inside really captures their whole vibe.

Here's a gift for those of you who don't touch the animoo thread:

Spoiler

On recycling music when recycling movies I'm kind of two minds. On one hand, they should be doing something a little different but with as close to the same feel as they can. But on the other, you could never make a Robocop movie without him driving around to dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah dah dah DAH! That would be a really really bad movie.

This is something I've said before but I'll mention it again because I'm an insane narcissist. Almost like I'm the center of my own subjective universe you might say:

When the the Little Mermaid 2023 teaser vid came out: It starts with some colorful CGI underwater scenes, and the old music amps up. Some of the feels started to swell up inside me - I was shocked! I haven't felt anything since 2012! Then it sweeps to the titular Smol Mermaid: some human fleshbeing touched up by CGI. Aw that's a shame. Then she began singing, things were going fine this is fine this is what I expected.... then she threw some showboatin' warbling into the song and I was like : (

I was surprised to learn I might have actually enjoyed a CGI remake, but, you know. That would be like a cartoon. And boomers don't watch cartoons.

______________

Hey check out how much better these movies would be if they acknowledged time exists and characters can change:

Millinuiumm Falcon - Interior

Han Solo walks down a hallway with a fuzzball close to his heels. He walks hunching over, leaning on his space walker. He suddenly comes to a stop and turns to his companion.

SOLO
Alright Chewie. Bend down and pull out the space heroin. Jabba's nephew hates waiting.

FUZZBALL
Uah? Arghnooo no n raw roo.

SOLO
Well I can't do it! You know I've got a bad hip!

FUZZBALL
Aroo arroo rah....

Fuzzball bends over to open the SPACE NARCOTICS compartment, when we hear a loud SNAP! His hip breaks, and fuzzball plummets to the floor!

SOLO
Chewie?! No.. Nooooo! Cheeeeeeeewiiiiiiiiiiie!

Next scene: Fuzzball's funeral scene, tombstone included. SOLO wears a mourning veil. The fuzzy children they had together stand by his side. They're inexplicably child-sized despite their parents being a million years old and logically should be adults, but I asked George if I can tell people that chewbaccas age slower than humans and he said "that's fine" and went back to eating his salad.

[EmperorIng]

Ah my friend, I love a great many shitty shark movies, but I haven't seen many shitty shark mangos! Maybe that page you posted gives a jolt to the shite isekai genre.

Some of those shitty shark movies come with killer themes of their own, too!

Sometimes they are downright transcendent.

[Udderdude]

Dial of Destiny is what you call your lifecall device when you've fallen and you can't get up.

Here's some good news, though. https://ca.news.yahoo.com/media-stocks- ... 45901.html

[neorichieb1971]

The best 2 mins 35 seconds of the star wars latest trilogy is the music in the original trailer -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGbxmsDFVnE

Even watching it just now, those sounds, the music it just gives me goose bumps, even though I know the movie was a bit shite. Apart from Pirates of the Caribbean I can't remember a decent soundtrack since 2000. Those fucking awesome composers in the 80's and 90's made those movies what they are today. They will be sorely missed by me.

If Indy 5 doesn't have that memorable tune in it, or some decent modern rendition of it, it will feel like a spin off "wanna be" Indy movie to me. i've watched Indy 1,2 and 3 about 50 times in total, but part 4 maybe once or twice. I don't even own it. Lets face it, Indy 5 will be woke and if it really wants to go down shit road it will go back to the past to the original storylines and fuck them up as well.

[Mischief Maker]

The best 2 mins 35 seconds of the star wars latest trilogy is the music in the original trailer -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGbxmsDFVnE

Even watching it just now, those sounds, the music it just gives me goose bumps,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJgLa3eKMYs

[BIL]

In hindsight, watching Disney burn Star Wars to the ground was first-rate pop-cultural bloodsport. This auld thread (a whole SIX YEARS!1! ), from right before the hopeful stealth parp betrayed a pantlegging deluge of runny shite, still gives much SENSIBLE CHUCKLE™

Millinuiumm Falcon

;-;7

I feel bad for the TRVE & HONEST fans, the same way I felt bad for Chris Chan when they made Sanic's arms blue, but maybe this'll learn 'em. Good shit is hard to come by, frens. 3; Don't cry because it turned to bad shit! Find something else that's similarly vital! :O You may even consider acts some call unnatural... like reading a fuckin book written before even GEORGE HESELF were born!

For the rest of us enjoying the fireworks, though? Worra larf! And the mouse has plenty more beloved IPs to chuck on the bonfire

[Sima Tuna]

Indiana's Bones and the Life-Alert Bracelet

Will his brittle hip be able to withstand the power of a moderate walk down the museum steps? Buy an overpriced ticket to find out!

[Sumez]

If Indy 5 doesn't have that memorable tune in it, or some decent modern rendition of it, it will feel like a spin off "wanna be" Indy movie to me.

It's way too tied to the franchise. They might play it during the opening, but I imagine that aside from that they'll show a bit more restraint than needed, and save it for whatever Indy's big moment late in the movie ends up being. The part where the producers want you to think "he's back baby!"

Though it's not unlikely we'll get a slow melancholic rendition of the four most iconic notes of the leitmotif early on, while someone is looking through memories of Indy's past adventures, or finding an unused hat and whip in the closet.

[BryanM]

This auld thread

Eh, I was right about enjoying Prometheus 2 more than most Star Wars content.

It's a dried up cat turd, but at least you can really feel Ridley's manlust for Fassbender. There's some kind of passion for some thing, in there.

Don't cry because it turned to bad shit! Find something else that's similarly vital! :O You may even consider acts some call unnatural... like reading a fuckin book written before even GEORGE HESELF were born!

This is my favorite preachy essay on the topic.

I mean, it's obvious doing the exact same thing over and over again won't make the neurons fire the same way that they used to.

Of course, most people who care so gods much about movies/tv shows would never be caught dead reading a novel, a comic book, watching a cartoon, or watching any kind of fan content. It's hard for me to feel too much empathy if they've chosen to completely hand over the imaginary world that they live in to corpos.

But I respect the hell out of people who go "fuck it, we'll do it ourselves." Who the hell knows what some fans want to see than themselves? Some guy who threw something together hoping to bilk kids out of their parents' money? Some suits that aren't even human beings? That seems sus, from a foundational level..

[Mischief Maker]

But I respect the hell out of people who go "fuck it, we'll do it ourselves."

Agreed!

[Sumez]

you can really feel Ridley's manlust for Fassbender. There's some kind of passion for some thing, in there.

Who can really blame him?