It looks like it’s going to be another great year for E3 reveals! We’ve been compiling all of the leaks and all of the rumours, and we’re quite confident that this is what’s going to happen. Let’s check back next week and see how we did!
Electronic Arts
Anthem will finally be revealed, with a new gameplay trailer where a giant robot hunts a fleeing loot box through a beautiful post-apocalyptic jungle. The presentation will go extremely well, up until it becomes clear the person speaking has run out of ways to avoid using the word ‘Destiny’ on stage, at which point they will fake their own death.
To save time this year, all the EA Sports franchises will be amalgamated together. EA will proudly announce the new installment of Basketfootsoccerhockeyball 19, which will allow them to “focus resources more effectively.” All of the players from the four various franchises will also be revealed to have been amalgamated into a terrifying army of flesh golems. Andrew Wilson will not take questions.
Fifteen indie developers will be dropped onto stage from a net suspended in the ceiling. One of them will be chosen to have their cute little game published by Electronic Arts, while the others will be herded into the back of a van. The winner will be given five minutes to make a slightly confused speech about how their creative vision really aligns with that of EA, which Andrew Wilson will judge out of 10.
It’s time to learn more about Battlefield 5. The narrative single-player campaign will get a fancy new trailer, starring the female soldier from the released cover art. A leaked scene will show the soldier grimly carving the female symbol into all of her bullets, before the words ‘WAR IS WOKE’ blast over the top of the screen. EA will reveal that it would be a terrible shame if you upset GamerGate supporters by pre-ordering two copies each.
Right at the end of the conference, EA will show the Star Wars logo briefly, followed by the words “Battle Royale”. The audience will begin screaming. One man will lunge at another man and bite off his ear. Police will turn water cannons on the crowd. Andrew Wilson will not take questions.
Ubisoft
Aisha Tyler will open the presentation by revealing the first ever gameplay footage from Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey. She will pause and rewind all of the cutscenes which feature attractive young Greek men kissing each other, insisting that the audience watch them over and over again “just to be sure”. The presentation will last for 27 hours.
We should get our first look at The Division 2. Two staff members from Ubisoft Massive will introduce the game, and then stand quietly to the side while a team of trained performers take over and pretend to be playing it live. The pre-prepared banter between the demo crew will be so cringeworthy that one of the Massive developers will have a stroke and need to be hospitalised.
The announcement of a Rainbow Six Siege esports league will be met by a confused and baffled silence. Aisha Tyler will get out a whiteboard and write the word ‘esports’ on it, underlining it several times and even circling it for good measure. One person in the audience will loudly say “Which FarCry is this?” just loud enough for the microphone to pick it up. Things will get really awkward after that.
Ubisoft will very excitedly announce some fucking weird as hell creative and touching game that they have no business publishing. “Loving that,” Aisha will say, after the trailer. “Wow! Emotions! Colours! That’s what I’m talking about.”
A rebooted Splinter Cell will be revealed, with a brief trailer that looks a lot like Uncharted but with guard vision cones. Michael Ironside will accidentally walk onto the stage through a side exit, wave hesitantly at the crowd, and then drive away. It will not be related to the game.
Bethesda
Fallout 76 will be revealed in its full glory, and that’s right folks: it’s a battle royale game but there are only 76 people in each map, rather than 100. A restless crowd will begin angrily demanding that Bethesda do something more to make the game stand out, but will be soothed by Todd Howard who will promise them that it comes with $5 in store credit to use on community created hats.
We should also hear from Avalanche studios about Rage 2. To celebrate the reveal of the game, Avalanche Studios founder Christofer Sundberg has promised to “drink a whole can of fluorescent pink paint on stage”. Bethesda’s Pete Hines, who was actually just calling Sundberg to ask if he was free for drinks, has given his cautious approval to the unsolicited offer.
To celebrate the launch of new DLC for Prey, former game director and Arkane Studios founder Raphael Colantonio will be brought out of retirement, where he will be given a pistol and instructed to pick out three members of the audience who he believes are mimics.
Microsoft
Microsoft will exclusively unveil Red Dead Redemption 2, which will be exclusive to the Xbox One for an amount of time, unless Sony does.
Phil Spencer will unveil the next stage of the Microsoft “Play Anywhere” system, tentatively titled “Play Everywhere“. Players will be unable to stop playing for any reason, compelled beyond even death by nanites in the bloodstream.
You want first party games? We got ’em. Forza Horizon 4 is a guaranteed announcement, with Microsoft likely to promise “even more of the boxes that make you go zoom”. “Stripe one, blue one and shiny one,” a confused Phil Spencer will gurgle helplessly.
Microsoft are also expected to expand their plans for PC/Xbox cross platform play, announcing a new feature for Windows 10 that turns any PC game into a Battle Royale game by flooding it with 99 more random Xbox One players.
Sony
Sony will exclusively unveil Red Dead Redemption 2, a new title exclusive to the PlayStation 4 for an amount of time, unless Microsoft does.
Call of Duty: Black Ops 4 will make an appearance, along with Destiny 2. Some bigwig at Activision who you have never heard of but could buy and sell you like cattle will tell you that engagement metrics are off the chart, and offer you their business card. Christ. Look at the subtle off-white colouring. The tasteful thickness of it.
The Last Of Us Part 2 and Days Gone will get new trailers, although nobody will be able to tell which one is which until the logos appear. Somebody is going to be disappointed.
The word ‘Bloodborne‘ will appear on the screen. The crowd will whip themselves into a frenzy and begin tearing each other apart in an effort to get to the stage. Panicking, the Sony showrunner will skip to the next slide, revealing that it’s a VR remake. It’s too late. The crowd crashes against the barrier like a human tidal wave, flattening Sony’s chief of staff and picking the flesh from his bones before gnawing through the wall and escaping into the ocean.
Hideo Kojima will hurl black goo at the audience, shouting “This is Death Stranding! This is the game! We are playing it now!” Nobody will stop him for a full hour. Eventually he will wear himself out and go to sleep under a chair.
What do you think we’ll see? Let’s all tune in and find out!
Xyga wrote:
chum wrote:the thing is that we actually go way back and have known each other on multiple websites, first clashing in a Naruto forum.
Liar. I've known you only from latexmachomen.com and pantysniffers.org forums.
EA conference pretty much over. No big surprises. Well how much they hate Command & Conquer was pretty surprising. I thought EA was a company that only cares about profits, but there's obviously something very personal going on here.
I find it hilarious that Microsoft think people take the human drama in Gears of War seriously, especially after they preceded it with a trailer for a fucking Funco Pop tie-in game.
Wonder how many of the "World Premieres" shown on their conference are just multiplats that are also coming to PS4 and PC.
Microsoft was pretty impressive. Ori and the Will of the Wisps looks great. From Software's Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice looks really interesting. Can't wait for Kingdom Hearts III. Dying Light 2 looks intriguing, though I've yet to play the first one. Cyberpunk looks artistically on point, though no gameplay footage.
Tactic games is my favorite games, so they making a Gears Tactics spinoff is nice. And unlike EA, they're actually making a proper Gears title to make Gears something actually relevant to spin off for this and their mobile Gears game.
There were two things that massively made their conference worse. First was the "Exclusive" voice clips. Exclusive isn't a good thing for people who aren't Microsoft shareholders. Most people watching aren't. Second was letting Ubisoft do their stupid fake online chat thing. Oh and on that note, the fake Forza players were pretty bad too but at least they kept silent.
The Xbox show was nicely put together, but if you look past all of the "world premieres" (ie. games they're debuting, but will be on every platform), they really didn't have much. There was the usual Halo/Gears/Forza sequels, Crackdown, Ori, DLC for Cuphead and Sea of Thieves, and a Battletoads announcement. Pretty underwhelming. Forza looks good though.
Bethesda's conference was very Bethesda and very E3. Random music number, awkward silences and applauses... Great Skyrim joke though. Was hoping Prey DLC would be something more interesting and we would get more Doom news (not just a teaser).
If EA didn't actively try to hurt me by reminding me how dead C&C was, Square Enix would've been a strong contender for worst E3 presentation. Nothing new really, just rehashed trailers.
Limited Run Games was great. At least if your expectations are in check. Great fake audience joke and fun music choices. Interesting annoncements. 2064: Read Only Memories, The House in Fata Morgana, Iconoclasts, Phantom Breaker: Battlegrounds, Senra Kagura Bon Appetit and Spelunky all getting Vita physical releases. Mmm.
Durandal wrote:YAKUZA KIWAMI AND 0 ON PC BAAAAAAYBEEEEEE
I was more excited about Valkyria Chronicles 4 getting a PC release. I was going to get both PC and PS4 versions on day one until I saw Denuvo. Now I'm waiting for pirates to fix that problem before getting the PC version.
Nothing else new in the PC Gaming Show for me, though I think they showed a pretty great variety of games.
Sony's press conference almost sold me on an Xbox One X. I know they have PSX and all, but couldn't they have at least gotten some indie developers to bring some variety to their AAA-only showcase? Second worst conference for me.
Yeah the Sony conference was pretty lame. Resident Evil 2 looked great, other than that the only new stuff they had was Nioh 2 and the Remedy game? Meh. I'd play TLOU2 and Spider-Man though.
Lots of Samurai titles coming out. I guess devs needed to jump onto something after the Zombie trends.
But I agree, Sony’s presentation was very disappointing. It felt budget too. No presenter, no Developer hosts, just some Caucasian dude in Japanese garb playing a
Flute. And what was those weird clips of oblong characters playing music in between trailers??
I hope Nintendo blows us away. So far, EA 2018 seems lame
I'm pretty pleased with the RE2 REmake. Looks fine.
Tsushima looks like an unmissable epic. Sekiro & NiOh 2 are definite purchases for me. Lots of samurai action coming up. Hope I don't burn out.
Nah, never.
Doom Eternal was unexpected but welcome. They're staying on the path blazed by the originals. Wonder if they'll remake Final Doom next in some weird way
Death Stranding looks like an interesting experience. Still not sure about what the gameplay really is or if it will be fun but I like what I see.
Then there's Dying Light 2. The original was something I had fun playing casually so I'll give it a go during a dry spell maybe.
i didn't watch the confrences, but going from the games announced.... pretty much everything announced at the microsoft confrence was multi plat, not sure why that would get you excited for an xbox.
ZellSF wrote:Sony's press conference almost sold me on an Xbox One X. I know they have PSX and all, but couldn't they have at least gotten some indie developers to bring some variety to their AAA-only showcase? Second worst conference for me.
I'm almost ashamed at owning a PS4 now, especially now that the Yakuza games are getting PC ports. Death Stranding looks pretty interesting though and I'm happy that Kojima got to work with his long-time waifu (for those who don't know Kojima had a thing for Lindsay Wagner since his teens and even modeled Jaime Seed from Snatcher after her).
TLOU2 and RE2 were what I was waiting for. RE2 look great. I've been wanting a "zombies done right" game for a long time and this could finally be it. Looks like Capcom are keeping with the horror atmosphere, let's just hope it plays well. I would love them to go back to having a run button rather than just running by pushing the stick. Didn't see any red laser sight either. Hope it's an option. One of the preorder bonuses is being able to swap out the new soundtrack for the original. Pretty good.
Death Stranding looks like a load of pretentious guff. The best thing about it was the Bionic Woman turning up at the end.
Immryr wrote:i didn't watch the confrences, but going from the games announced.... pretty much everything announced at the microsoft confrence was multi plat, not sure why that would get you excited for an xbox.
The Microsoft conference showed a great variety of titles, many that will be best on Xbox because of more powerful hardware, while the Sony conference seemed to only allow triple-AAA titles that all blended together and sort of looked the same.
I know that doesn't reflect reality, I know there's a great variety of smaller scale titles being released for the PS4, I'm just judging the press conferences.
