Star Wars Episode IX released 12/20/2019

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Pointman
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Re: Star Wars Episode IX released 12/20/2019

Post by Pointman »

The problem with TLJ is that Rian Johnson had a handful of really intriguing ideas but not only decided to abandon them but renege on them completely within the film's running time.
Spoiler
Rey and Kylo Ren very nearly embark on a new dawn of Jedi but ultimately decide to fall back into their space Jesus and pantomime villain characters respectively, Luke has been in hiding for years potentially discovering the true secrets of the Jedi for a decisive victory but instead he's been hiding there like a coward because he wanted to murder his sister and best friend's son, Snoke was disposed of in a surprisingly deft maneuver but no one was installed to replace him, the film's ending was final rather than having a hook to take you into the next film. And the less said about Holdo's plan the better.
It all felt like really exciting stuff. It's like he had an image in his mind of a good idea but it evaporated by the time he came to write it. I was really hoping for something truly subversive but he just didn't follow through and the film that we were left with was a big pile of salty shit.
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Squire Grooktook
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Re: Star Wars Episode IX released 12/20/2019

Post by Squire Grooktook »

Yeah the themes and ideas are just too muddled, inconsistent, and even incoherent for me to even call it an okay move if taken alone.
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emphatic
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Re: Star Wars Episode IX released 12/20/2019

Post by emphatic »

Saw the latest one last night and to me, it was quite enjoyable. A few cringe moments that made me laugh, but some sweet nods to the originals too. I really enjoy most of JJ Abrams projects. My daughters watched it with me and they both loved it. Perhaps even more than Empire Strikes Back which I can understand on some level, as this one has a lot of cute creatures in it.
Spoiler
* Rey stopping the transporter ship mid air with her force powers made me (and only me) laugh out loud
* C3PO having red Vader eyes when translating the Sith message was really funny
* The fact that most storm troopers have female voices feels strange somehow
* Chewbacca receiving a medal made me smile
* The army of ships arriving at the eleventh hour made me grin happily
* The return to Tatooine was bittersweet
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BIL
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Re: Star Wars Episode IX released 12/20/2019

Post by BIL »

emphatic wrote:
Spoiler
* Rey stopping the transporter ship mid air with her force powers made me (and only me) laugh out loud
That scene make me TERRIBLE CONFLICTED, because

1] I like the idea of TEH FORCE being this ribcage-collapsing, heart-exploding Scanners/Akira shit - not that these gutless fucks ever intended to make good on SPACE MENENDEZ BROS, but I would be down, if they would commit! Youthful indiscretion + POWER IS LOSING CONTROL is always reliable.

2] I REALLY like the idea of beloved furry dogman dying in a horrific YAGAWASPLOSION, flames and burning shrapnel spewing forth - just suits this terminally indecisive shitshow trilogy!

and 3] I LOL HARD @ John Boyega throwing his hands up and going "FUCK, NAWWW" like his dog had just shat all over the couch! It reminded me of Colin Salmon's expression of pure unadulterated ANNOYANCE in PUNISHER: WAR ZONE (so fucking angry! you can hear that Jamaican lilt wreck his MURICA COP accent!)

However it was all for jack fucking shit, just like the rest of the movie (EDIT: just like the rest of the trilogy), so nm. :sad:

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EmperorIng
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Re: Star Wars Episode IX released 12/20/2019

Post by EmperorIng »

The fact that Palpatine's broadcast of revenge was ACTUALLY broadcast during a special Fortnite ingame tie-in event (yes, that's the only way you could have heard his 'threat of revenge') makes me LOL so hard. This trilogy is the epitome of sellout dogshit.

But perhaps, it was always this way??
Last edited by EmperorIng on Thu Jan 16, 2020 4:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Mischief Maker
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Re: Star Wars Episode IX released 12/20/2019

Post by Mischief Maker »

Dogshit, yes, but worse than the Matrix sequels ultimately turning into a giant advertisement for their tie-in MMO?
Two working class dudes, one black one white, just baked a tray of ten cookies together.

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BIL
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Re: Star Wars Episode IX released 12/20/2019

Post by BIL »

I think this was worth it all.

Image

If that was in some Super Famicom STG spin-off (IE, where a story like TROS belongs), I'd put it in the Attract Mode thread. So lovable! ESPECIALLY the sheepish little *palpatine's imperator that sneaks in after the dramatic ellipsis. GHOST IMPERATOR sounds like a Battle Garegga ship.

Some YT chap put it best - this trilogy was like a pair of toddlers squabbling in a sandbox over who had the coolest toys. And the sandbox cost $4,000,000,000.
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BryanM
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Re: Star Wars Episode IX released 12/20/2019

Post by BryanM »

Just take Starcrash, literal Starcrash, slap some CGI Ewoks and dead actors from TOS in there, add an exposition crawl at the start that creates some backstory lore/excuse for how it's connected to anything, slap the Star Wars branding on it, and release it as episode X:

Would it do that much worse financially?
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Squire Grooktook
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Re: Star Wars Episode IX released 12/20/2019

Post by Squire Grooktook »

BIL wrote:GHOST IMPERATOR sounds like a Battle Garegga ship.
Stealing! Yoink!
RegalSin wrote:Japan an almost perfect society always threatened by outsiders....................

Instead I am stuck in the America's where women rule with an iron crotch, and a man could get arrested for sitting behind a computer too long.
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BIL
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Re: Star Wars Episode IX released 12/20/2019

Post by BIL »

Now it was worth it :mrgreen:
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dan76
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Re: Star Wars Episode IX released 12/20/2019

Post by dan76 »

BIL wrote:Now it was worth it :mrgreen:
Nice.

So the leaked Trevorrow episode 9 script might be even worse than the film we got. Jeez, who knew? Disney apparently.
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it290
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Re: Star Wars Episode IX released 12/20/2019

Post by it290 »

BryanM wrote:Just take Starcrash, literal Starcrash, slap some CGI Ewoks and dead actors from TOS in there, add an exposition crawl at the start that creates some backstory lore/excuse for how it's connected to anything, slap the Star Wars branding on it, and release it as episode X:

Would it do that much worse financially?
Whoa, my dude! No need to diss Starcrash like that.
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Sly Cherry Chunks
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Re: Star Wars Episode IX released 12/20/2019

Post by Sly Cherry Chunks »

it290 wrote:
BryanM wrote:Just take Starcrash, literal Starcrash, slap some CGI Ewoks and dead actors from TOS in there, add an exposition crawl at the start that creates some backstory lore/excuse for how it's connected to anything, slap the Star Wars branding on it, and release it as episode X:

Would it do that much worse financially?
Whoa, my dude! No need to diss Starcrash like that.
They wouldn't let Caroline Munroe wear that costume in this day and age.
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BryanM
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Re: Star Wars Episode IX released 12/20/2019

Post by BryanM »

Sly Cherry Chunks wrote:They wouldn't let Caroline Munroe wear that costume in this day and age.
That's 'cause she's 71 years old. Even google image search barely begrudgingly shows what she looks like now.
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BIL
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Re: Star Wars Episode IX released 12/20/2019

Post by BIL »

I've been loving Marvel's Darth Vader comics, ever since white slavers took over That Bitch Lucas's content farm. Swashbuckling evil fun! Darth does lots of messed up shit, as a Space Nazi should, but he's also surrounded by lots of other Space Nazis eyeing his job. There is melodrama too, because space fairy tale, but the dark-hued sort, where nothing ever works out. My man Darth often be SCREAMIN INTERNALLY 3;

You have to remember - by the time of his death, Darth was so broke, he could no longer afford properly-fitting shoes.

Spoiler
Image

Image


I got much sensible chuckle out of the issue where Droid mercs PWN Darth with their technology, then scan his paralysed body, eager to steal "THE EMPIRES ULTIMATE TECH" only to exclaim "What the fuck?! This motherfucker ain't shit! Where they find this stepped-on trash?!" It then cuts to Palpy snickering to himself in the throne room Image

u see, its not techmology that make Vader the badman (`ω´メ)
its his HELLISH TORMENT (dead PADUME, lousy shoes) that gibe every swing of his shitty-ass Space Grandma prostheses (w/Don't Shit Yourself girdle) STERNUM-STAVING SKULL-CAVING SPINE-CRUSHING POWER (■`W´■) as these noob shitbirds shortly discover!
Palpy smart+frugal :O

---

Anyhoo, you have heard of polishing a turd. You have probably heard of rolling one in glitter, too! But have you pondered nailing a turd to a comic book? :shock: It is now CANON, bitches, that SNOKE™© was cloned from LUKE SKYWALKER™©'s CHOPPED-OFF HAND! DARTH VADER™© checked out EXEGOL™© in person - and had a JoJo Stand Fight with PALPY™©, as both FORCE™©-commandeered local Eldritch Horrors into battle! Image (it was great! really! joyful space fantasy fun with just the right grim edge. these guys manage this seemingly forgotten art on a surprisingly consistent basis) Then PALPY explained everything about the latest film to DARTH, in great detail! This takes place just after ESB.

So, this means that Darth didn't think to warn his son about Palpy's clone tech, OR the fuckoff massive fleet of planet-annihilating ships, OR the gigantic Sith cult, at any point prior to carking it. 3; "OMFG, son, before I shit myself and die, Palpy has all kinda bad shit on secret planet EXEGOL" Nah nm all good.

I'm sorry SW fans, you can't nail a turd to much of anything, it'll just blow up and get everywhere. Image
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Mischief Maker
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Re: Star Wars Episode IX released 12/20/2019

Post by Mischief Maker »

That was the best part of the Tie Fighter game. All the internal politics of the Empire that are barely hinted at in the first film. Shit, there's a mission where you have Darth Vader as your wingman as you two fly the absurdly overpowered Tie Defender fighters to rescue Palpatine from a coup attempt.

God, can you remember the days when we were young and innocent, all the movies and most of the games were great, and we actually rolled our eyes and said Return of the Jedi was the suckiest Star Wars film?

Though I'm impressed the Star Wars Holiday Special still remains the actual worst Star Wars property, despite the determined attempts to outdo it by Lucas and The Mouse. Kinda hard to outdo the awfulness of grandpa jerking it to VR porn in the middle of the living room during the holidays.

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Two working class dudes, one black one white, just baked a tray of ten cookies together.

An oligarch walks in and grabs nine cookies for himself.

Then he says to the white dude "Watch out for that black dude, he wants a piece of your cookie!"
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BryanM
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Re: Star Wars Episode IX released 12/20/2019

Post by BryanM »

No, but I do remember seeing Terminator 2 and being rather impressed. Very excited about what they could do with movies, after seeing such an amazing work.

... and then they just made movies that were pure CGI and no script.....

I'm going to tell you something amazing about the second best movie of all time, Terminator 2: You know that scene where the helicopter flies under an overpass? You might think it was a visual effect... and you'd be dead wrong. They made video of a helicopter flying under an overpass, by flying a helicopter under an overpass.

Could you even imagine them doing something so suicidal for a movie these days?

I was amused for about three seconds about the official english -> chinese -> english subtitle track of Episode 3 getting a dub in a fan remix.

Ah... years of sci fi and space fantasy novels really make me utterly baffled why Star Wars is relevant. There's a whole universe out there, and they're still obsessed with Darth Vader and AT-AT's, when they could be a space nerd, a cosmic space paladin, or boinking space aliens. We don't have new movies of Gandalf when he was a kid and stuff like that coming out constantly for Lord of the Rings.
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