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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 9:38 pm 


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Location: Southern Ontario
But hey, why address gun control issues like an adult, when we can write My Little Pony fanfiction that tells us how gun, er, grun control is a horrible evil!

jesus fuck edmond, what

Copypasta'd in case he tries to delete it to save face.

GIANT EDIT

Guess who went and deleted this post from his blog exactly like I predicted he would? Sadly, the textdump link is broken, but as a result of someone's suggestion, and thanks to Archive.org, here's the full shitpost Edmond wrote in its entirety:

Quote:
My First Attempt At An MLP Fanfic
September 19, 2013 by Moe Dantes

0

Hey guys, get ready to see me reach a new low. I’ve attempted to make my first ever MLP fanfic. Keep reading if you want to see it.

A DISCLAIMER: The story is not based on or inspired by any recent debates or any internet personalities whatsoever. Any similarities you may notice are just you imagining things. Honest!

STORY STARTS BELOW

Sky Boy Gets a Ticket

by Edmond Dantes

—–

One day, a pegasus pony named Sky Boy was blazing through the air, when suddenly he heard sirens. He slowed to a hover as the pegasus in uniform caught up to him.

“Did you realize you were flying over the speed limit?” The officer asked.

Sky Boy had, in fact, seen the cloud-sign a few feet back that said School Zone, no flying over 50mph, but he had decided to ignore it. After all, if he accidentally killed a foal who was dumb enough to fly out into the middle of traffic, it was their own fault for being retarded. But he didn’t need to tell the officer that! “Uhh, no, sir, I did not!”

“Well, you were! You got a license?”

“A license? Umm… wait, yeah, right here.” And Sky Boy reached over into the space that’s just on the side you can’t see where ponies can pull out any document they need at any time (seriously has anyone but me noticed that?)

The officer looked over the license, and commented, “Do you realize this expired months ago?”

“Umm, yeah! I was just about to go have it renewed!”

“Why didn’t you get it renewed before it expired?”

Sky Boy spoke under his breath, “Because bite me.”

“WHAT WAS THAT?!”

“I, uhh, I said because it frightened me! Uh, yeah, I get nervous when I take tests. Heh, yeah…”

The cop wasn’t buying it, but saw no reason to make this more difficult than it had to be. Still, Sky Boy had lost his sympathy points and so the cop said, “Well, I’m giving you a ticket.”

“A TICKET?!”

“Yeah, a ticket.” The cop quickly wrote it out, and attached it to Sky Boy’s flank. “You’re due at traffic court tomorrow. The time is on the ticket. And next time, think twice before speeding!”

With that, the cop sped off, leaving Sky Boy to fume with rage. Unthinkingly he tore the ticket apart, but then quickly realized what he had done and hastily grabbed the shreds and, finding a forest full of maple trees, stuck them back together with sap. “Control yourself, Sky Boy,” he said to himself. “There’ll be time.”

Having nothing better to do, Sky Boy flew to his home and partook in his two favorite activities, video games and Ponynternet. On Ponynternet, Sky Boy had a number of favorite websites, one of which was a discussion forum. He went to that forum.

At the very top, he saw someone had posted “The Grun Topic.” Geez, gruns. Gruns were dangerous instruments that allowed ponies to hurt each other from far away, and had been a controversial subject for decades. Sky Boy didn’t understand why–in a sane world, all gruns would be gathered up and burned in a fire! All they were was tools of destruction! Who needed ‘em? Wasn’t the world bad enough without making killing easier?

And of course, the guy who started the topic was Humpty Dumbness. That was really his name, and in Sky Boy’s opinion, it was well earned. Okay, let’s see what the moron has to say today…

“If you outlaw gruns, only outlaws will have gruns!” Began Humpty’s message. He followed by citing some historical example about how they had once tried to ban cider and it had backfired horribly. Sky Boy was not an avid fan of history, but even so, he figured this story was made up. After all, why would they ban cider? Cider doesn’t kill people, unlike gruns! Besides, if you outlaw gruns, then outlaws won’t be able to get gruns! Everypony knows that criminals don’t break the law! Sky Boy continued reading.

“In all studies conducted, the results have shown time and again that crime rates go up whenever gruns are outlawed. Here’s some studies, conducted by the Celestia Academy itself!” Bah, the Celestia Academy. Being the most highly-regarded research institute in the world didn’t mean they knew what they were talking about! After all, one word on page three could be mispelled, that meant the entire study was to be doubted! In any case, Sky Boy doubted the research ethics of anyone who seriously came out in favor of gruns. He didn’t even bother to read the reports, and instead continued reading Humpty’s post.

“Some people say that grun crimes will go down, and that’s true, but the results always show that banning gruns does not lower crime–the criminals just use a different weapon. And with regards to accidental grunfire, more ponies are killed by speeding pegasi than by gruns. Should we ban pegasi?” Oh, that old chestnut! Once again, Dumbness had linked to charts and studies that supposedly demonstrated his point. Sky Boy didn’t have to read them–surely they were all lies anyway. Everyone knew passing more laws lowered crime! It was simple math!

“Besides!” Humpty concluded his post, “Lots of jobs and occupations are dependent on grun-use! Zookeepers, police officers, the guys who hunt wild soybean monsters to supply soy at the grocery store… and what about putting down rabid dogs? Only safe way to do that is from a distance!” Blah blah blah. Sky Boy was well educated enough to know that none of these occupations actually existed and there was no such thing as a “rabid dog.” What does that mean, anyway? A dog that’s really fast? Why would you want to shoot a poor, defenseless dog anyway?

Sky Boy had had enough. It was time to post.

The message Sky Boy posted read, “Humpty, shut up. Clearly you are suffering from paranoid delusions and have” Sky Boy had to click on a mental disease randomizer to come up with something, “Parkinsons. You should seek help. Anyway, I’ve already argued this point against other insane foals with Parkinsons, I’m not going to repeat myself for you.”

It was true, after all. He had this same argument three months back, in which the pony on the receiving end–some idiotic unicorn named Twilight Sparkle who had told everyone she was a student of Princess Celestia–tried most of these same arguments. Sky Boy realized she was a hopeless case when she kept whining that the anti-grun crowd wasn’t providing “valid proof” that banning gruns would do any good. Hadn’t that bitch been listening two years ago when that school got shot up? Clearly if gruns were banned then those foals wouldn’t have died! Twilight Spittle had tried to claim gruns already were illegal and yet the crime had happened anyway, which clearly wasn’t true–after all, if they weren’t legal, then the crime wouldn’t have happened, because criminals never break laws!

Sky Boy had enough. He turned off his computer and went to bed.

The next day Sky Boy went to traffic court. He already knew what he was gonna say.

The judge asked, “Are you prepared to pay the fine?”

“No!”

“No?”

“Sir, this ticket was given to me in error. I was in fact not speeding!”

The cop who had given him the ticket was standing right next to the judge’s platform. He did not look impressed. “You do know, don’t you, that pegasi have special magical instruments that allow us to detect flight speeds?”

“So?” Sky Boy asked. Blah blah magic. Proves nothing.

“So, saying you were not speeding is not a smart move. We can prove for a fact that you were.”

“Your magic doohickey was broken!”

“Oh, can you prove that?”

“Prove? PROVE?! Oh dear Celestia, what proof do you need? It said I was speeding when I wasn’t! That’s proof enough!”

The cop facehoofed. “That’s like discrediting a witness by saying ‘she says I did it when I know I didn’t so clearly she’s wrong’. That reasoning does not fly in court, my boy.”

“Don’t ‘my boy’ me! If logic means nothing to you, then I’ve got nothing more to say. I won’t waste my time pandering to your woeful intellect! Clearly you have Dunning-Krueger Syndrome and should seek help! For the sake of my sanity, I’m done!”

And Sky Boy tried to walk out, only to be perplexed when he was stopped by two more guards.

“Throw him in the brig,” the judge declared. “And due to his outburst today, I’m ordering a mandatory psychiatric evaluation.”

Sky Boy was released a day later, and refused to seek the court-ordained evaluation, and so wound up in jail again. This time, a shrink visited him in jail, and when she produced her diagnosis–ironically, it being that Sky Boy himself had Dunning-Krueger Syndrome–he flew into a rage and tried to kill her. Sky Boy has ever since been in a straightjacket, in a holding cell in a psychiatric ward.

Word eventually got back to Twilight Sparkle through her net-buddy, Humpty Dumbness. Humpty wrote to her, “I hate to sound petty, but I’m glad that guy is locked up. He was clearly a bully and I don’t know why everyone agreed with him all the time. Maybe now that they’ve seen the mess he got himself into, they’ll realize he was wrong and rethink their beliefs.”

Twilight sighed, and said, “Yeah, maybe you’re right. Especially now that Celestia has announced publicly that instead of banning gruns, everyone is forced to own one by law. Apparently such a rule really helped make Tail-Swisherland safe and secure. I’d hate to think of a psychopath like Sky Boy with a grun, though.”

“You said it!” Humpty replied, and the two went on to talk about video games together.

THE END
Posted in My Cruddy Prose.


His blog's tagline is "A record of virtual victory", I still don't know whether to laugh or cry every time I read this.
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Last edited by BareKnuckleRoo on Fri Jul 03, 2015 5:31 am, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 9:47 pm 


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I think my PONYNTERNET is acting up, this can't be real.

WHY THE FUCK DID YOU THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA

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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 9:49 pm 


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Now that's what I call A VIRTUAL VICTORY

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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 9:52 pm 


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Location: Colin's Bargain Basement. Everything must go.
Holy shit.

Bagsy drawing the comic version.
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 10:01 pm 


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This man needs saving.
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 10:05 pm 


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Yeah, Edmond. Just keep still, and realize there experts in the field who actually know why gun control is unacceptable. We needn't address every slight. FYI: A man's penis is only as long as the barrel of his glock.

The 2nd amendment should be the first, since without it, all other rights would be only privileges.
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 10:33 pm 


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It sorta is, considering the 1st amendment doesn't mean anything at all nowadays.
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 10:34 pm 


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People don't have rights anyway.
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ChurchOfSolipsism wrote:


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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 11:18 pm 



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Skykid wrote:
People don't have rights anyway.


But we have ponies! With guns! My little cannon-pony: friendgunship is magic!


...what else you want from life?




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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 1:37 am 


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BareknuckleRoo wrote:
He found a shotgun and ammo in his yard and... what, waited four days without calling the cops and then, disturbed the evidence by just taking it to the police station later? Why the fuck didn't he call the cops the moment he found it?


I can think of several good reasons he might've waited. He could've had previous engagements (business, personal or otherwise) that couldn't be called off.

Or, well, here's a mind-blowing thought for you: He might've been scared that this exact thing would happen. Considering how often this happens, its far from being an unreasonable fear.

Quote:
You're a fucking imbecile. Just thought you should know.


Says a guy who accuses everyone who disagrees with him of having "Dunning-Krueger Syndrome," (For those who don't remember: he accused Ed Oscuro of having DKS too--and Ed was playing nice. Clearly, Roo just can't stand anyone who disagrees with him on this issue).

By the way, I'm proud of you for finding that "Pony fanfic" on your own. Why would I "delete it to save face?" This may shock you, but... people like you and Skykid are pretty much unique to this forum. Anywhere else, and you guys sound like the crazies. So I'm not the one that needs to "save face" here.
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 1:41 am 



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Is this guy trolling or what.


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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 1:48 am 


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Edmond Dantes wrote:
"Pony fanfic"

Also known as "Literally The Largest Strawman That Was Ever Conceived"

Even bigger than this guy:
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hail good sir wrote:
Is this guy trolling or what.

I'd like to believe that, but I don't think so.
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 2:01 am 


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Edmond Dantes wrote:
Considering how often this happens, its far from being an unreasonable fear.


What are some incidences of people being arrested for reporting a gun they found?
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 2:08 am 


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Edmond Dantes wrote:
Says a guy who accuses everyone who disagrees with him of having "Dunning-Krueger Syndrome"


I can honestly say I have never accused anyone of having this, because no such thing exists as a recognized medical/clinical syndrome. There is however a Dunning-Kruger effect, something you appear to be only too delighted to display.

Mortificator wrote:
What are some incidences of people being arrested for reporting a gun they found?


In other words, citations badly needed.
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 3:26 am 


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hail good sir wrote:
Is this guy trolling or what.


Just really stupid.
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 3:54 am 


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Edmond Dantes wrote:
By the way, I'm proud of you for finding that "Pony fanfic" on your own. Why would I "delete it to save face?" This may shock you, but... people like you and Skykid are pretty much unique to this forum. Anywhere else, and you guys sound like the crazies. So I'm not the one that needs to "save face" here.


Dunno bro, I wrote one of those about a guy at work and the next day someone put a staple in my ham sandwich. o_o
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 5:37 am 


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BareknuckleRoo wrote:
Edmond Dantes wrote:
Says a guy who accuses everyone who disagrees with him of having "Dunning-Krueger Syndrome"


I can honestly say I have never accused anyone of having this, because no such thing exists as a recognized medical/clinical syndrome. There is however a Dunning-Kruger effect, something you appear to be only too delighted to display.


Beh, word mincing. The problem remains that such claims lose credibility when you recklessly apply them to anyone who disagrees with you.

I could also say that if I'm displaying it, so are you.

Quote:
Mortificator wrote:
What are some incidences of people being arrested for reporting a gun they found?


In other words, citations badly needed.


Just to be clear, what I actually said was "... how often stuff like this happens," IE people being incarcerated despite doing nothing illegal or indeed for doing what they thought was legal and proper.

I'll admit, my wording was bad. That said, you want examples of people trying to obey the law and getting screwed, you got them, and I could find more--those three were on the first page of a Google search for "people arrested for obeying the law"--a search that got 6,130,000 hits.

So I can understand why a man in a country that arrests you for having a gun would be iffy about turning it in. You never know if the guy behind the desk is a swell fellow who understands these things, or some by-the-book robot who obeys the letter without considering the intent. Too many law enforcement officials are the latter variety, unfortunately.

Skykid wrote:
hail good sir wrote:
Is this guy trolling or what.


Just really stupid.


If I'm dumb, and I was able to out-argue you to the point where you were reduced to petty insults because you were wrong about everything, then what does that say about you?

But hell, I'm hearing this from a guy who gets passive-aggressive if you don't agree with him about a sub being better than a dub and who pretends to be married to give himself online cred. and who changed his avatar from a cool Bruce Lee one to some skinny stoner kid from a backyard boy band after I pointed out that Lee was pro-gun. Talk about childish and insecure.

...

Not replying to anyone in particular at this point, but just some more stuff I felt like sharing:

http://people.duke.edu/~gnsmith/articles/myths.htm

http://www.forbes.com/sites/larrybell/2 ... rol-lobby/

http://www.thetruthaboutguns.com/gun-facts/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaDXUYTFL4M

The next three are included because I had said earlier that the anti-gun fervor is pretty much unique to the shmup community, as far as hangouts for us video game lovers go. I got the feeling some people didn't believe me so I figured I'd prove it. Read and be amazed that the rest of gamerdom doesn't think owning guns is crazy or psychotic.

http://www.mmorpg.com/discussion2.cfm/post/1341965

used the URL tag for this one because the HTTP was really long

http://www.gamespot.com/forums/topic/28 ... ...?page=0

And now for some closing thoughts from what was probably America's last worthwhile president... probably:

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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 5:46 am 


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I'm mainly only backing up Bruce Lee here, because all I care about is video games and anime, but that's still Bruce in Skykid's avatar.


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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 6:58 am 


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Edmond Dantes wrote:
a Google search for "people arrested for obeying the law"--a search that got 6,130,000 hits.


That search gives one hit. Did you leave out the quotes? If so, you'll get hits from pages that have those words anywhere, in any order, and so the majority will have no relevance to the phrase. Case in point: a search for Edmond consumed his own penis produces 26,800,000 hits.
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 6:59 am 


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Edmond Dantes wrote:
what was probably America's last worthwhile president... probably:

reagan.jpg

LOL
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 8:03 am 


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So you all want the American People disarmed?

That's what I'm gleaning from your posts.

Ok, step back and look at the situation for a mo. Ask yourselves two questions.

Question 1. Why are the people who run America clearly soooo desperate to confiscate guns from the hands of the American People?

Question 2. What happens when Diane Feinstein and Rahm Emanuel & the rest of the Council on Foreign Relations succeed in their goal of rendering you defenseless?

Have a good long think about the answers to these.
As you all know, Gun Confiscation shreds the 2nd Amendment of your Constitution. Y'know that bit where it says that you have a right to take up arms & overthrow should your Government become too tyrannical.

Now if anyone comes back with the answer that its for the Publics' safety, please bear in mind that the people who run your Government (the CFR) describe the People as 'Useless Eaters' and 'The Great Unwashed'.

Think long. Think hard. No knee-jerk reactions. Think about the true answers to these two questions.
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 8:24 am 


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DEL wrote:
So you all want the American People disarmed?

No? Who said anything about that? I don't think pretty much anyone here wants guns completely 100% banned.

DEL wrote:
Question 1. Why are the people who run America clearly soooo desperate to confiscate guns from the hands of the American People?

They're not, they're making knee-jerk reactions because the people are making knee-jerk reactions to every killing spree because the media is covering them more.

DEL wrote:
Question 2. What happens when Diane Feinstein and Rahm Emanuel & the rest of the Council on Foreign Relations succeed in their goal of rendering you defenseless?

Probably absolutely nothing, except Edmans getting his pony panties in a knot.

DEL wrote:
right to take up arms & overthrow should your Government become too tyrannical.

Except we really don't anyways, and even then I doubt there will ever be a possibility of the US gov't being overthrown by the people. Fast Food Nation.

DEL wrote:
the people who run your Government (the CFR) describe the People as 'Useless Eaters' and 'The Great Unwashed'.

I call them that too because that's what they fucking are. People are fucking dumb, useless hides.
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 9:07 am 


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Ok, so the Navy Yard shooting happened on September 16th. The next day, Grand Theft Auto V came out.
In GTA IV, the area where you start out was based on the Brooklyn Navy Yard.
So there's a link.
Now check this: the name of the area in the game is "East Hook".
But I'm sure that's just a coincidence. :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 10:46 am 


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E.dumbtes wrote:
If I'm dumb, and I was able to out-argue you to the point where you were reduced to petty insults because you were wrong about everything, then what does that say about you?


Must have missed that. I thought the forum was sitting back and following your journey from transient poster into full-blown court jester.

Quote:
But hell, I'm hearing this from a guy who gets passive-aggressive if you don't agree with him about a sub being better than a dub and who pretends to be married to give himself online cred


Actually I'm not married, technically. I do like to wave that fact around for cred, whenever possible, so thanks for the opportunity.

Quote:
and who changed his avatar from a cool Bruce Lee one to some skinny stoner kid from a backyard boy band after I pointed out that Lee was pro-gun. Talk about childish and insecure.


It's Bruce Lee on the decks. I'm surprised you think I even acknowledge your existence 5 minutes after verbally knee-capping you Eddie. I don't care what you do or say, you tend to do your own grave digging anyway.

Quote:
And now for some closing thoughts from what was probably America's last worthwhile president... probably


Reagan wasn't responsible for anything except the economic crisis America faces today, and a few illegal wars. He was useless.
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 12:03 pm 


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The first amendment exists because the British were a threat to the USA and the government wanted civilians to be able to defend themselves and their country from invasion.
I'm pretty sure Great Britain has given up on their invasion plans by now.

Also, independence day is the celebration of slavery but that's another story altogether.


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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 1:11 pm 


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yo edmond i don't want to be mean but your posts are getting stranger and more crazy sounding each day. i mean skykid's got his own problems with constantly wanting to win pointless internet opinion wars but i can't see him going mental over it unlike yourself.
if i was your mum and dad and read your posts i would be very worried.i'm not trying to take the piss or call you names or anything (i am on anti-psychotics myself and have had many mental health issues over the years)
jus sayin
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 1:16 pm 


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charlie chong wrote:
yo edmond i don't want to be mean but your posts are getting stranger and more crazy sounding each day. i mean skykid's got his own problems with constantly wanting to win pointless internet opinion wars but i can't see him going mental over it unlike yourself.


I only come here for videogame chat and the odd debate, to be honest. But there's definitely a point of futility in any conversation/argument, and most of us crossed it with Edmond a while ago.

This thread serves to highlight the negative side of what legal gun ownership offers to citizens of the US, which is a pretty bold argument in itself considering the content.
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 1:21 pm 


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omg i just read the fanfic. that is seriously psychotic shit.. yikes

i'm more worried for skykid's safety now :lol:
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 5:03 pm 


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Except we really don't anyways, and even then I doubt there will ever be a possibility of the US gov't being overthrown by the people. Fast Food Nation.


The idea of rednecks with a gun (and it's only ever white people who use that meme; probably the same blokes who had a Dragon Ball Z-mentality of our military capability during Benghazi (which itself was 4 dead versus dozens dead of the attacking army, so, what exactly was the problem there?)) overthrowing guys with nuclear bombs, planes, helicopters, drones... it's so laughable, Something Awful already has an article on it.
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 Post subject: Re: Another day, another shooting in the US
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 5:10 pm 


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charlie chong wrote:
omg i just read the fanfic. that is seriously psychotic shit.. yikes

At least the first sentence is true.


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