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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2020 12:37 am 


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Blinge wrote:
Pigtails are a repulsive hairstyle.

IMO they look fine on young girls but the older a woman gets the sillier it tends to comes off.

While I'm here, I don't know if anyone remembers my rant from a little ways back about my insurance company refusing to cover a medical scan to determine if I inherited a heart defect from my dad (who's getting surgery on said defect next week), despite my dad's cardiologist recommending I get it done and my primary doctor writing me a prescription for it; seems they were ahead of the curve on the "if you don't have symptoms, we won't bother" trend that's been all the rage (and such a resounding success) during the Covid outbreak. :roll:

In any event, I attempted to appeal the decision through my doctor's office, but after several months of back-and-forth they recently told me that despite their attempts to convince the insurance company otherwise the latter weren't changing their minds; the doc suggested I get in touch with my father's cardiologist and see if perhaps they could do something for me. I managed to get ahold of the office today, and when I told them my story the response was, in a nutshell, "if you come in to see the cardiologist yourself (despite having no current heart issues to speak of), and get him to write you a prescription, maybe the insurer will be more inclined to cover the scan. Would you like to make an appointment now?"

Not at this time, I politely answered. :lol:

Not sure what other recourse I have at this point except to pay for the whole mess out of pocket, or, more likely, forget it and hope this doesn't come back to haunt me in a couple decades.
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2020 5:01 am 


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Games that don't scroll until you reach the edge of the screen. Beyond Oasis, Crystalis, Phantasy Star II, there's tons of them. How does this make any sense? I can only see four feet in front of me anywhere I go, but like half a football field behind me presumably with the eyes in the back of my head.

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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2020 5:57 am 


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EDIT: Wow, I read your post too fast, and misunderstood it entirely. Forget about what I said.
I left my post in here so people will know how stupid I am.

Yes, that kind of scrolling is dumb.

Spoiler: show
For what it's worth I'm working on a game that does exactly that.
Inspired by the impressions of the game world I got from Link's Awakening, I just think there's an entirely different experience from a world being compartmentalized into tiny individual experiences, and it really helps making geographically smaller areas feel like larger and more dense place.

Of course there's a huge difference in how you'd design a game for scrolling and for one that doesn't.

Also wtf, Beyond Oasis scrolls. We're talking about Story of Thor, right?


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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2020 7:06 am 


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Sengoku Strider wrote:
I can only see four feet in front of me anywhere I go, but like half a football field behind me presumably with the eyes in the back of my head.


lmfao why has that never annoyed me. i know it will now.
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2020 7:27 am 


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Sumez wrote:
Also wtf, Beyond Oasis scrolls. We're talking about Story of Thor, right?


Beyond Oasis is the North American name for Story of Thor (MD). ;3 And it indeed has a god-awful screen edge-riding camera. A shame, as I really like its Zelda/Bare Knuckle hybrid otherwise. It's not as bad as it'd be in something with 1HKOs, but it still drags the game's whole feel down. Exploring enemy-infested overworlds and trap-loaded dungeons with the character inches from the incoming screen gives me a headache.

Edge-riding cameras in 2D action games are basically a firing offence in my book. Even games that slightly offset the character towards the edge (Ninja-kun II, Mutant Night) bug me. For all Athena's bullshit, I'd have put up with it if not for the obscene left-scrolling camera, which makes backtracking a "hit me in the face 4 FREE" sign.

A lesser category are games where the character can come "unstuck" and migrate to the edge. Aladdin (MD) does this, jumping will put you nearer and nearer the edge, with a [forward] double-tap resetting. Sometimes when you die un-centered, the camera loses its shit and can't figure out where the respawned character is, haha.

There's also stuff like Heavy Barrel and Psycho Dream (SFC), where the camera's too slow to keep up with a moving player, so you end up loitering near the edge waiting for it to gradually unveil the incoming screen. I'm sure there's one of these that'll let you flat-out leave the viewable area, but mercifully I've not encountered it.

Saigo no Nindou, a cruelly random game with no end of nasty surprises, nails its character to the screen center at all times, come hell or high water. That's the best approach, generally.

I make a very specific exception for Sunset Riders, where jumping and sliding will both migrate you nearer to the screen edge, in small and large increments respectively. Once you're off-center, you can stay there by simply walking forward. The critical difference between this and Aladdin is that Sunset's camera auto-refocuses; as soon as you leave center, it'll zip after you.

This lets experienced players do some interesting things, like positioning themselves slightly ahead of boobytraps, and getting the jump on enemies expecting a centered player. Invaluable versus stage 6's Injun barricades - hop over and downshot 'em before they can begin loosing arrows. Stage 3's rope climb can be skipped, for another example. The Pyro will always drop his flare, but it's no problem if you're already past the oil slick.

Spoiler: show
Image


Handy in the final stage's opening siege, too, provided you know how the Compile-style burst invincibility works.

Image

Contra Spirits (SFC) also lets you leave center in the aftermath of any "hard stop" (midboss, setpiece, etc), which again can let you bypass and speedkill stuff that's expecting a centered player. Stage 1's INFERNO CITY is a good example, though BIG SNAKE will always force a pause. Again, exactly like its close relative Sunset, the camera actively chases you, so riding the screen edge is something you have to actively trigger and maintain, as opposed to running afoul of it constantly as in lesser games.
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2020 1:49 pm 


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BIL wrote:
Saigo no Nindou, a cruelly random game with no end of nasty surprises, nails its character to the screen center at all times, come hell or high water. That's the best approach, generally.


Yeah, I'm struggling to think of a single player action game where I'm not happy with this approach. It's best for top-down adventure/action games too like Brain Lord in most cases. It didn't annoy me as much in Story of Thor but as mentioned that's because it's a relatively forgiving game and nowhere near as tough as some other games in the genre.

The only game genre where I'm okay with unusually slow scrolling is a 2D beat 'em up. Streets of Rage 2 has a slower, fixed speed screen scrolling. This means if you're thrown to the right, you can actually recover and move back to the left to prevent the camera from scrolling too far ahead and triggering encounters, whereas Streets of Rage 3 has instant scrolling that follows the player. In Streets of Rage Remake, all characters can run, and you have the ability to choose scrolling type. It may feel odd that you can run faster than the screen can scroll and have to wait for it to catch up, but the slower scrolling helps for sections where you want to carefully and methodically pull one enemy at a time, so you don't accidentally scroll the screen much more than intended if you're attacked.
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2020 3:17 pm 


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BareKnuckleRoo wrote:
In Streets of Rage Remake, all characters can run, and you have the ability to choose scrolling type.


Image

That's the sort of attention to detail I like to see in remakes/compilations.
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2020 3:52 pm 


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ur boi just recorded 20 minutes of video script with his Blue Yeti / Mic facing the wrong way.

turns the audio from blue yeti into blue waffle.. and I spent ages polishing that turd wondering why my voice sounded different on that day.
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2020 11:33 pm 


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Sumez wrote:
EDIT: Wow, I read your post too fast, and misunderstood it entirely. Forget about what I said.
I left my post in here so people will know how stupid I am.

Yes, that kind of scrolling is dumb.

Spoiler: show
For what it's worth I'm working on a game that does exactly that.
Inspired by the impressions of the game world I got from Link's Awakening, I just think there's an entirely different experience from a world being compartmentalized into tiny individual experiences, and it really helps making geographically smaller areas feel like larger and more dense place.

Of course there's a huge difference in how you'd design a game for scrolling and for one that doesn't.

Also wtf, Beyond Oasis scrolls. We're talking about Story of Thor, right?


LOL, don't even worry about it.


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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Sat Aug 15, 2020 8:49 am 



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People calling playstation plus games "free" annoy the hell out of me


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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 12:53 pm 


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I just got a review that went into heavy detail on game mechanics rejected on GameFAQs:

Quote:
A review should focus solely on the content of the game rather than the technical aspects of the game.


Oh, fuck off. The gameplay mechanics are the content.
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 12:59 pm 


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I'm surprised to hear GameFAQs have "quality" requirements for their reviews, because like 90% of the reviews on there are useless crap.

Which game?


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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 1:00 pm 


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BareKnuckleRoo wrote:
I just got a review that went into heavy detail on game mechanics rejected on GameFAQs:

Quote:
A review should focus solely on the content of the game rather than the technical aspects of the game.


Oh, fuck off. The gameplay mechanics are the content.


Sounds like the mod was a big fan of Alien Hominid.

Quick, what's a good excuse to reject a well-written review I disagree with???

Feel free to repost it here.
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 1:12 pm 


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Alien Hominid HD. Most other reviews focus on "haha funny alien shoots things". Because of the context of it trying desperately to be Metal Slug while not nailing the basics, I felt that it was more or less impossible not to review it without comparing it back to Metal Slug. I can't promise the writing is exactly exceptional (written in the deep throes of butthurt while having played it recently) but frankly I've read far worse on GameFAQs (that I've reported and is still somehow up).

Spoiler: show
Alien Hominid is a run 'n gun platformer (that originally started as a fairly basic Flash-based game) that tries to emulate the gameplay of the arcade hit Metal Slug, but is so amateurish in its execution that it honestly feels like the developers enjoyed Metal Slug but did not actually understand what it is about Metal Slug that makes it such a good run 'n gun game. Metal Slug was a smash hit in the arcades that spawned numerous sequels, featuring a cartoonish military aesthetic. The titular Metal Slug was a tank you could ride around, that would protect you from a few hits, and gave you some extra firepower. Metal Slug is rightfully regarded as one of the best run 'n gun platformers out there, due to its absolutely solid game design combined with gorgeously detailed artwork with tons of frames of animation, great sound design, and enjoyable levels. Metal Slug is a joy to play and should be experienced by any fan of this style of game, and because it was the very clear inspiration for Alien Hominid's design, this review will frequently compare the two. That's not to say that Metal Slug is the only run 'n gun series worth playing, and there are plenty other solid run n' guns out there such as Sunset Riders and Moo Mesa by Konami, or even various indie releases (such as REDPULSE, a relatively recent game as of the writing of this review). Heck, there are a few games that feel heavily inspired by Metal Slug such as Demon Front as well as Dolphin Blue that are highly enjoyable due to them being mechanically solid. Alien Hominid unfortunately is not worth playing, mainly due to how broken its core fundamentals are.

It's immediately clear when playing Alien Hominid that the game is designed around Metal Slug, with a few additional frills. You've got grenades to throw, and a shot that you have to button mash to fire (this was one of the few complaints about Metal Slug and I prefer it with a rapid fire setup). Tapping attack near an enemy uses a knife slash attack like Metal Slug, but you've also got a charge shot, which helps spare your fingers during bosses in theory, as well as the ability to jump on the heads of enemies to ride them around or bite them, and also the ability to dig underground, instantly becoming invulnerable to most attacks as you dig, whereby you can attack enemies from below for a short period of time, but cannot move until you dig yourself out. The shoulder buttons perform dodge rolls too, with forward rolling moving you under high bullets. You can also ride vehicles around, although due to their lack of health or maneuverability you'll generally not be able to use them for very long compared to Metal Slug's tanks. Unfortunately, much of this expanded moveset feels superfluous and impractical:

• Grenades have a strict 3 grenade limit, and you can't throw another one until the explosion animation finishes. They're also quite weak, and instead of mapping the button to a shoulder button so you can easily hold a charge shot while using grenades, it's mapped to a face button that's opposite your main shot. Compare this to Metal Slug, where grenades could be spammed very rapidly at close range for significant damage. The grenades in Alien Hominid end up feeling mostly useful for destroying buildings to get new weapons and a shield to provide some protection, as well as taking out the occasional enemy hiding behind cover.

• Enemies constantly spawn in Alien Hominid, meaning using the charge shot regularly can actually be riskier than trying to keep a constant stream of fire down to kill whatever's in front. The charge shot is handy for bosses though, but it seems with aggressive button mashing you can match or possibly beat the charge shot in damage, and on enemies that gives points per shot you get more lives by plinking them down with the basic shot.

• Running around and biting enemies gives more points than shooting them, but enemies can shoot out your hostage, putting you suddenly in danger at close range.

• Digging is helpful for getting the occasional secret, and you become invulnerable the moment you start the dig animation, but you can't stay underground forever as you asphyxiate eventually. There are also several attacks such as grenades or tanks driving over you that can kill you while hiding this way, meaning it turns into a bit of trial an error. Sitting still also feels antithetical to this kind of game and isn't a terribly fun mechanic.

• Dodge rolling has no invulnerability and feels like a poor way of moving around to make up for your relatively slow horizontal movement speed. You move under high bullets by doing a forward roll, but forget that and accidentally try to do a back roll and you'll get hit by a bullet. I'd have rather seen rolling mapped to one button that always did a forward roll, rather than keeping a useless back roll in the game.

• Firing downwards in the air lets you float longer. Both Metal Slug and Alien Hominid have a single, floaty jump when you press the jump button, denying you from making short hops. Unfortunately, Alien Hominid's downward firing thing is a curse as much as it is a blessing, as it can mess up your jump timing to evade attacks if you're also trying to fire at something below you. I'd much rather see Alien Hominid have used a more player controlled jump height, where you can make short hops or jump as high as you want, closer to something like Mega Man. The player's hitbox in Alien Hominid is much larger relative to enemy bullets than it is in Metal Slug, and enemies are very aggressive with faster attacks, meaning dodging is generally quite a bit harder.

• The knife eventually becomes unsafe and enemies can outright block it, multiple times in a row in the case of the Area 51 mobs. There's really no reason basic mobs should outright be able to ignore your melee attempts, and what can happen is enemies can quickly shoot you at close range in between knife slashes.

The game tries to replicate Metal Slug by offering various weapons, such as a piercing laser or an acid launcher cannon that visually resembles Metal Slug's shotgun. However, most of the weapons barely feel stronger than your basic weapon on bosses. There's actually only two really useful bonus weapons for bosses, namely the spreadshot and the rapid fire purple gun. The best part about getting new weapons ends up being the shield, rather than the weapon itself. I'm not sure how many hits the shield can take. It usually seems to be 1 hit, but I swear I sometimes see it soaking a hit without breaking. Some weird collision detection maybe? Compare this to Metal Slug, where all the weapons are a genuine upgrade on top of the basic pistol. The shotgun in Metal Slug is particularly powerful, whereas its equivalent in Alien Hominid is strictly a downgrade due to its close range nature and lack of damage on bosses.

Alien Hominid's art by Dan Paladin is cute and amusing, but the actual use of the art in the game leads to some gameplay issues due to things like poor colour scheme choices, or the art not making it clear where hitboxes are for platforming. Enemy bullets flash purple and green, in a game where many background elements include these colours. The levels set in Russia are particularly troublesome, with purple snow and green trees, where the enemy bullets do not stand out as immediately well as Metal Slug's flashing light blue/orange bullets do on Metal Slug's generally grey and brown desaturated backgrounds. And this isn't to say anything of the relatively massive explosions that can often distractingly cover elements of the screen in Alien Hominid. The most significant examples of collision detection boundaries not always accurately matching the art I can think of include:

• There's a building under construction early on where you can climb some girders. There's a section where it looks like you can walk up an angled girder to a straight one, but you actually fall through the point where they meet.

• There are some sandbags piled up in 2-1 that look high enough to potentially block enemy shots, but shots just barely travel above them, meaning you're in danger standing on them.

• Early on you can drive a bulldozer into some buildings that block your way. If for some reason you're on foot and not in the bulldozer, the building still blocks you, despite your character clearing being drawn as standing in front of it on the pavement.

• The PDA Games minigame has really wonky collision detection, where you can walk your character into the sides of walls. The walls only have a physical boundary in their center, past where their outer lines are drawn.

This game is hard. Normal and even Easy will absolutely brutalize players, even compared to Metal Slug's standards. Most of the difficulty comes from the endlessly respawning waves of enemies that tend to rapidly jump in and fire unexpectedly. Many bosses feature these respawning enemies, such as the early pudding boss where a key fire hydrant actually blocks your shots from reaching enemies that are behind it, meaning you can't even always deal with the respawning enemies. Though they only fire occasionally, it's just enough to seriously mess up your attempts at nailing down boss patterns. It's very easy for this game to fall into cheap deaths territory, far moreso than the relatively tame Metal Slug which is a difficult but entirely fair arcade game that allows you to play it at your own pace. Metal Slug has a time limit, but the time limit is very generous and enemies are not constantly respawning, so you can play it slower and more methodically if you want. Alien Hominid on the other hand demands lots of memorization to succeed without dying, and has no shame in throwing cheap deaths your way.

There's a couple of space flight levels that attempt to break up the run 'n gun elements but they're horrendously implemented. The controls are terrible, where you'll want to pretty much hold X and A constantly on the Xbox 360 controller. But you also want access to the B button as needed to boost thrust. Fortunately the game has unlisted mappings on the shoulder buttons (LT to fire, RT to boost) which are far preferable to allow you to feather the B button as needed. Still, the space flight levels control terribly, and generally consist of you getting swarmed while you eventually just run from everything using your ship's rear cannons, since it's way safer than trying to use the frontal cannons. The bosses in these levels aren't so dangerous as they are tedious, frankly.

As if to confirm that Alien Hominid is well aware of its unusual issues, you start with an unusually high number of extra lives (5) and a massive number of extra continues. It's almost as if Alien Hominid expects people to treat it like a credit feeding game, instead of a game that, like many quality arcade games, can reasonably be beaten on a single credit. There is an achievement for beating it without getting a game over, but to do so is frankly ridiculous. Even more ridiculous is the scoring system or lack thereof; you get points for beating enemies, but there's no time limit and infinitely spawning enemies, and there's multiple sections where, with a lot of patience, you can essentially milk enemies indefinitely and rack up a huge number of lives (every 1000 points awards a life). Metal Slug had some scoring issues such as randomized value point items and a scoring exploit where you could shoot a specific tank constantly for a ton of points until time ran out, but even these don't match Alien Hominid's scoring problems, where score is rendered irrelevant due to infinite time, infinite enemies, and multiple safe places to milk them for as much score as your patience allows (amassing a huge stock of lives this way is probably the key to beating it on one credit).

To its credit, some of the boss fights are genuinely fun, but they feel too few and far in-between. The core gameplay feels sloppy, making it difficult to take seriously throughout its 15 or so levels. And 2 of those levels are the obnoxious space levels which are annoying at best to play. The constantly respawning enemies almost everywhere are also frankly not fun to deal with due to how they constantly pop in and can instantly fire off a shot at close range at you, making the level designs feel like a bit of a mess.

The main game features 2 player multiplayer, and a few minigames are 4 player. Multiplayer adds a bit of fun to things if a friend's willing to play, but frankly you could also just play Metal Slug or any other more competent multiplayer platformer instead. Shadow of the Ninja for the NES is a great one with multiplayer for instance, Gunstar Heroes is another classic for the Sega Genesis that's also fun while being more forgiving. Alien Hominid has many small minigames, but I'd rather they'd focused on tightening up the main game instead of making these. Indeed, the massive quantity of level packs as DLC for the mediocre PDA Games is rather questionable. Does anyone really want to play an unimpressive multiplayer platformer with spotty collision detection when trying to jump on enemies when they could be playing something else with multiplayer? And there's no real excuse for the weird collision detection that doesn't match the drawn elements. If you want a 4 player platformer, please consider something like Micro Mages instead, a homebrew NES 4-player game with amazingly fun multiplayer platforming.

Alien Hominid HD for the Xbox 360 is a widescreen remake of a game originally released on multiple 4:3 aspect ratio consoles. I haven't played the original Gamecube or PS2 releases so I don't know if anything mentioned here only applies specifically to the Xbox 360 release, but from what I've seen of gameplay footage, most of the issues apply across all versions of the game. I've beaten Alien Hominid on the standard difficulty, thanks to the aid of using a lot of additional credits.

The only reason I can say you'd want to play and own this is to unlock the additional character in the Xbox 360 version of Castle Crashers. Made by the same developers, Castle Crashers as well as their later BattleBlock Theater are far more competent games and actually worth checking out. I've put a lot of playtime in Castle Crashers so it's not so much that they're bad developers as it is that Alien Hominid simply isn't a well-executed game. It's a mediocre first effort, one that tries to capture the essence of Metal Slug, but fails to show an understanding of how Metal Slug's refined gameplay managed to make it a smash hit. Alien Hominid's issues with its game mechanics unfortunately leaves it feeling a bit like a cheap, amateurish attempt at a Metal Slug fangame, rather than a properly polished game that can stand on its own. 4/10

(I've added a bit that wasn't present on the original review submission about the knife to the above, and also corrected an error; I actually forgot the space levels allow you to fire and move using the shoulder buttons because it's not listed in the level's tutorial, despite the shoulder buttons being the superior way to control the space levels so your thumb is free for the B button)
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 1:17 pm 


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I'll index it in R2RKMF if that's ok. :cool: edit: cheers, added!
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 4:00 pm 


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The idea of gamefaqs having standards after having read complete drivel in many reviews there for years is hilarious.
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 4:46 pm 


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I know, I know, I was being naïve I guess. Something stupid like that was bound to happen eventually =P
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 5:31 pm 


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BareKnuckleRoo wrote:
I just got a review that went into heavy detail on game mechanics rejected on GameFAQs:

Quote:
A review should focus solely on the content of the game rather than the technical aspects of the game.


Oh, fuck off. The gameplay mechanics are the content.


wow that is insanely retarded
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 8:23 pm 


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Reading the review, I have a few things in regards to the moderator's comment I could see being sensible to change.

Like, it does delve a bit heavily into the precise workings of mechanics in ways that can actually make the point a little clouded - stuff that could probably be summarized in a more elegant way to make the same point. Eg. the text about the number of grenades, animations, and button mappings in regards to them, is stuff most people would be likely to glance over because it's a lot of information at once, before the reader knows what to do with it. It's tied to the point, but the amount of detail might not be necessary.

This is only the kind of stuff I'd comment on as an editor for an actual publication though, and at best it's still only a guideline to help improve how it communicates its point, not a concise list of do's and dont's.
It's the kind of stuff I'd go over myself, trying to improve something I've written if I give it more than a few passes. But honestly, I probably wouldn't care about it for a review on a site like GameFAQs. And it's definitely not a requirement for them either - most reviews on there are of such an awful quality you can read through all of it and still have no idea what the writer really thinks about the game. I think it goes without saying, but this review of Alien Hominid is perfectly good, gets a bunch of important points across, and is far above the general standard for the website.

I've said it before, probably in this thread, and I hate hate hate how nearly every reader review on GameFAQs does that terrible 80s style segmented review where you devote an even amount of time time to an arbitrary bunch of attributes like graphics, sounds, gameplay, "replayability" and "fun factor" or whatever. It's such an awful structure that hurts any attempt of replicating the feeling you get from playing a game. And hell, if the sound design is of absolutely no signifance to its qualities, why devote an entire segment to it? I don't care what the reviewer gives the graphics on a 1-10 scale (not an average), I can see what it looks like from screenshots. This stuff never did any good for any review.


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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 8:59 pm 


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Yeah, I recognize that it's not well proofread and is written expressly with the assumption that the reader is familiar with Metal Slug, which doesn't make it good for a general review. It's written as a "this is attempting to be some kind of Metal Slug clone, and here's why it's bad both on its own and in the context of a Metal Slug clone". Ah well, fuck 'em, I tried.

The only other review I'd ever submitted was for Streets of Rage II's GG port, and again, it mostly goes over the mechanics changes from the Sega Genesis/Megadrive to the handheld port and why they're flawed (and also discusses the GG port of the first game which was nearly unplayable; the GG port of SoR2 is an incredibly vast improvement over SoR1 GG). Fun, but in many ways flawed. I felt like I wrote it in the same way as the AH review so looking back I'm surprised it got accepted. But maybe it was less scrutinized cause nobody gives a shit about handheld ports.

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I've said it before, probably in this thread, and I hate hate hate how nearly every reader review on GameFAQs does that terrible 80s style segmented review where you devote an even amount of time time to an arbitrary bunch of attributes like graphics, sounds, gameplay, "replayability" and "fun factor" or whatever.


Agreed. This is quite possibly the worst way to write a review, which makes it obnoxious that it became standard in magazines and such.
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 9:19 pm 


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Another thing that bothers me is overdoing pointless personal anecdotes - the Moo Mesa review you posted is incredibly bad with it, but at least it kind of serves a purpose (it demonstrates that the reviewer's only experience with the game is a single sitting on an arcade cabinet in the wild). Some times it's as bad as a pointlessly eloquent description of how excited they were to receive their review copy, or reminiscing about the time their friend group was playing the game every second Saturday or whatever. And I'm sure I've been guilty of writing in some pretty bad ones here and there back when I did actual magazine reviews, but I'm not exactly proud of it.

And I get what people are going for. I've been involved in some review editing at one point, and for that specific publication we were pretty centered on creating a common voice, and making reviews come across as impersonal and objective as possible. The idea was to give it that professional edge, but I got bored with it very quickly. I think the personal touch is important in a review. I want to know the reviewer and where they are coming from. I want to know their perspective and whether it matches mine, or provides a different piece of insight.
And I enjoy the flavor. Not everyone can be as flavorful as BIL passionately describing the intricate murder sprees of Metal Slug, but I think what lifts a solid review from being a good one to a really memorable one is whether it's enjoyable to read.

But don't give me grade school style essays about your shaking hands as you're inserting your precious cartridge. It's narcissistic and formulaic and adds absolutely zero review to your review. You're the only one that cares about it. Skim the fucking fat.

There, rant over :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 10:13 pm 


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Why Video Games Are Nowhere Close to Being Taken Seriously as a Medium: A Thread
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Sat Aug 22, 2020 2:30 pm 


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I sure do love having to wrap every one of my search terms in 15 different layers of quotes before Google actually gives me the results I'm looking for, and not a bunch of ridiculous nonsense that doesn't even have the search terms I fucking searched for in it.


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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Sun Aug 23, 2020 10:26 pm 


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Skype's default and apparently unchangeable ringtone, an obnoxiously cha-cha-ing "remix" of the old, amiably sterile one. Seems pretty well-hated, MS haven't done shit in response. Time to see about tearing it out at the roots, good job you flatulent cunts. -_-
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 7:06 am 


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I love the dramatic sense of entitlement in that thread, that not being able to change the ringtone renders the application completely non-functional. I suppose we're into generations of people who never had a landline phone that loudly goes RING RING. RING RING. as their sole means of communication.

Reduction in user customisation is a growing trend in modern software though, so I am slightly pleased to see people annoyed by it.


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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 7:22 am 


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BIL wrote:
flatulent cunts.


This made me laugh more than it should have. Going to borrow and use it sometime soon.
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 12:37 pm 


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Sumez wrote:
I've said it before, probably in this thread, and I hate hate hate how nearly every reader review on GameFAQs does that terrible 80s style segmented review where you devote an even amount of time time to an arbitrary bunch of attributes like graphics, sounds, gameplay, "replayability" and "fun factor" or whatever. It's such an awful structure that hurts any attempt of replicating the feeling you get from playing a game. And hell, if the sound design is of absolutely no signifance to its qualities, why devote an entire segment to it? I don't care what the reviewer gives the graphics on a 1-10 scale (not an average), I can see what it looks like from screenshots. This stuff never did any good for any review.


Preach brother
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Tue Aug 25, 2020 2:07 am 


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Sengoku Strider wrote:
Games that don't scroll until you reach the edge of the screen.


Another list of my "bad gameplay mechanics" imho. Seriously why? There are games with the player not centered on the screen during scroll (Contra hard corps, NGIII) but not as extreme and still give you visibility.
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2020 10:44 pm 


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Muscle cramps while you're sleeping. F them and whichever demon or deity saw it fit to make them happen.
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 Post subject: Re: Little things that annoy the hell out of you
PostPosted: Fri Aug 28, 2020 2:16 pm 


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Why can't any company make a vacuum electric boiler that doesn't rust?

Even the good companies like Zojiroshi and Tiger use nonstick coated steel that eventually wears off when you descale it, and the cheaper stainless steel ones are made of shitty SS that rusts in less than a month.

There are plenty of SS kettles and I've never had one of those rust on me, so I know it's possible.


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