Movies you've just watched

[BIL]

[Sly Cherry Chunks]

Gotcha covered this time SCC-san ;3

Bil you are a proper bro.

[GaijinPunch]

Did my Xmas rounds: Die Heard, Christmas Vacation. Can't say anything about them that hasn't been said before. Decided to let my GF pick one and boy was it a turd: The Holiday. I can handle rom coms and cheesy fanfare, but this hardly qualifies as a Christmas movie. It's basically a shitty romantic movie (not much comedy at all) set at the end of December. Not having to watch shit like this is a reason to stay single.

[FinalBaton]

I half-watched(which is all my gnat-like attention span will allow me) Rambo IV last night ('twas on cable. some christmas movie... )

I thought it was really good! but I'm terrible at oBjEcTiVe reviews so take it with a huge grain of salt.

I liked the older John Rambo trope, leading a team of younger mercenaries in mission
I'm sure all twists and turns can be seen mile away if you look for them, but just turn your brain off and they get enjoyable.

This one seemed a abit more realistic, and with a bit more serious feel/less big dumb one liners (at least as far as I can recall the older ones) and you know what I really liked it.

Some war aspects I liked and I will only vaguely mention (can elaborate in another post if need be):

-seeing hierachy getting established in the contra
-then leadership getting pulled from under one's feet
-an enemy weapon being used against them
-an enemy weapon arriving on the field and making you go ''oshii''
-some tense battle setups/hard decision making scenarios
-some decent strategies eh
-a bit of cool mercenary philosophy, as always with this series


All in all I thought it was a great way to make a modern day Rambo. although I'm sure some people reeeeed because the bad guys were POCs. lmao
maybe the parts I skipped were bad and I only catched the best bits? I couldn't say

[Vexorg]

Soul: ***1/2

My wife and I have a bit of a tradition of going to the theater and seeing a movie on Christmas day, but since all the theaters here are shut down (a lot of them permanently I suspect) we ended up watching this one off Disney+ instead. On one hand this plot and setting feels like it came straight off the cutting room floor after Inside Out (the last movie Pete Docter directed) was finished. On the other hand, I would also say it's a much better movie than Inside Out, but not quite at the same level as Up or Monsters Inc. it was still entertaining and is definitely in the better half of the Pixar movies I've seen. And certainly a lot better than the last Pixar movie (Onward) which was rather disappointing.

That said, this one does have some flaws, mostly in the form of a superfluous B-plot that adds nothing useful to the film and mostly serves as a distraction.

[Steamflogger Boss]

Rare Exports A Christmas Tale

This is actually the best Christmas movie. Bil you would like this one, tons of DONG.

[To Far Away Times]

So I just finished wrapping up Soul.

Man, this movie hits so fucking hard. I think pixar has done better movies like Ratatouille, Up, and Wall-E in a strictly movie telling sense, but this movie just hits me the right time. I get in my own head sometimes and I'm pondering the meaning of life, success, and expectations on a daily basis and this movie touches on topics that are rarely talked about. Like, I have a house, above average career success (Accounting Manager) in the corporate ladder, happily married, the whole bit, but I'm always chasing a carrot on a stick and sometimes I feel so insignificant. I also play music and that feels like the getaway dream. And man, this movie addresses ALL of that. We have a million movies that address overcoming a comically evil villain, we don't have many movies about WHY we exist. Maybe we chase our dreams and miss other things along the way... But the thing that hits hardest is the moment after

Spoiler

Joe finally achieves his dream

and there's this immediate feeling of emptiness. I've felt that so many times. My Gahd.

That's really fucking deep premise for a cartoon.

I think this is one of their elite movies. Go watch it.

[BIL]

-seeing hierachy getting established in the contra
-then leadership getting pulled from under one's feet
-an enemy weapon being used against them
-an enemy weapon arriving on the field and making you go ''oshii''
-some tense battle setups/hard decision making scenarios
-some decent strategies eh
-a bit of cool mercenary philosophy, as always with this series

That finale was simultaneously the best Metal Slug (for explosive gore/spiralling bodycount) and Operation Wolf (for nonstop gunsight gorno) movie ever.

Particularly that hot streak where the director/level designer is sending in literal truckloads of zako for QUICKSHOT bonus Even has a "boss battle" like you say! Rambo botches the bullshit flamethrower pattern and has to use a Bomb!

In Memoriam Of Like Five Million Brown Dudes ;-;7 (and a couple whities )

That catharsis aside, I thought it was a decent b-film. Liked the minefield "reveal" of Rambo to the mercs. I know some here disliked the blunt script and videogamey climax, but tbh I consider those positives in this mode of film. I don't rate the previous two Rambos much better either (I like 'em all, just not compelled to nerdfight over them). First Blood is meanwhile a cut above for serious war drama. Not even part of the same series tbh, and that's cool.

FB also got that mad SEGA cred, madder than even the licensed Rambo III!

If you like IV you'll probably get along with V, I did anyway. Similar tone and pace even, except this time, the final battle is more of an RE4 joint, right down to the tripwires. Sly's got some decent OLDMANFORCE (albeit not as great as these guys')

[Stevens]

Just a heads up -

5 Element Ninjas is on Netflix and you can watch it in Chinese.

[drauch]

Rambo IV is my personal fav. I WILL nerdfight. According to the film we all just gotta kill sometimes. I like the bleak nihilism and insane guts and the combos, like the guy getting two arrows and then falling on a mine, or in the theatrical when the kid gets bayonetted and thrown into a fire and then shot with MORE fire. From zero -> fuck from the get-go, nobody spared. Also super sleazy badguy chomo which is A+. Bad doods need to be nasty. Thinking about this movie is getting me rock hard.

[FinalBaton]

''we're like animals! It's in the blood! It's natural! Peace? That's an accident! It's what is! When you're pushed, killing's as easy as breathing.''

''You know what you are... what you're made of. War is in your blood. Don't fight it. You didn't kill for your country. You killed for yourself.''
Blood!



---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


btw I didn't know the Golden Axe death cries were lifted straight from First Blood! That's fucking badass. as always, the edgelordian old SEGA doesn't disapoint.

[BIL]

That's a helluva death holler too, sounds like a bear busting his load while falling off a cliff. Which, I suppose, it almost is!

OH

OHHH

OAAAHHHHHHH *womp*

That gut-wrenching "Aww GAWWWD!" from Deputy GingerMan McButtStab (COME AT ME BURINJU ) is missing from the otherwise categorically superior MD port, a real travesty. :[ ala arcade Double Dragon's irreplaceable dry-heave, it's enough to make me demand a proper console release. Neither game has all that much going on compared to their sequels, but you can't beat that aesthetic of cruel vigilantism, the kind that stains even its most righteous dispensers.

> COMMAND TO VIETNAM.

> ARMED. TO THE. TEETH.

> Can't hold a job parking cars.

A whole lot of property destruction and a dead deputy could've been avoided if they just hooked Johnny up with that Ikari/DESERT WAR action from the next two flicks! Or at least not turned the hose on him, that was when they'd really fucked up. 3;

My retarded dog was the same way (PBUH). Someone tried to turn him into a killer, and when it was over he just wanted to be left alone, but if you fucked with him (ie literally backed him into a corner), as far as he was concerned it was time to commit war crime. We found this out when my dad tried to cure him of his bad habit of barking psychotically at passing cyclists (he thought this was his job), by posing as one only to jump over the fence, expecting buddy to run for the hills. Instead he rooted himself to the ground and turned into something out of a horror movie poster in real time, while we stood and stared until he realised he'd just fucked up. "They will put him down" muttered my dad "NO SHIT" said big bro *sad gay sounds* said dog while hiding behind my mom's skirt. Permanently demoted to house sentry and no biscuits for a week 3;

John's my retarded dog if he wasn't afraid of anyone, and could drive a tank. It's a very humanitarian film as far as these things go. 3;

[BryanM]

My retarded dog was the same way (PBUH). Someone tried to turn him into a killer, and when it was over he just wanted to be left alone, but if you fucked with him (ie literally backed him into a corner), as far as he was concerned it was time to commit war crime. We found this out when my dad tried to cure him of his bad habit of barking psychotically at passing cyclists (he thought this was his job), by posing as one only to jump over the fence, expecting buddy to run for the hills.

Like many things that are funny, this works on many layers. Put aside the issue of trying to fuck with someone with PTSD, what was the best case scenario here? It was a dog. As much as they try, they are not a people. They can't understand such a complicated rube goldberg setup - it was a mean plan to make doggo feel bad about himself.

"Haha, you thought it was a serial killer come to kill you and your whole family, but it was really I, Daddo!" mean >:(

[BIL]

"Haha, you thought it was a serial killer come to kill you and your whole family, but it was really I, Daddo!" mean >:(

Oh nonono, from Minute 01, he thought my dad was a serial killer - actually no, serial killer implies subterfuge. He thought my dad was a Viking murderchieftain holding the rest of us prisoner in some hellish dog version of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Buddy was terrified of my dad, and by extension my brother and me, but especially pops with his viking beard and blue eyes (pops being the whitest motherfucker in the room could not have helped, everybody knows palette swap = watch out!). It was pitiful to see. Wouldn't make eye contact, would maintain precise diametric opposition at all times, would hide behind anything/anyone he could.

(he loved my mom, and my little brother, who the animal shelter had assured us buddy would be a great pet for, because I suppose in his doggy mind, "high-pitched cartoon gay voice = less likely to bludgeon me with a mop handle w/nail in it" I'm so dumb! Of course he was fine with women and children. That's 95% of the staff at the shelter. You are not "fierce," ladies. I'm afraid men are the undisputed kings of savage violence, that is reality! We asked around and discovered his ghetto MKULTRA ordeal after this incident. Jesus Christ this is fucked up, I hope my internet enemies aren't writing all this down for use against me later. I'm from a right mickey mouse shithole ok. v-v)

Anyway, neighbour threatened to have him confiscated, because he really did bark like an absolute motherfucker at all and sundry (they were not wrong, this chap had "DEAD KID" written all over him), so old man thought he'd make use of his regretful dominance to hopefully recondition "unsecured perimeter, must bork" into "viking murderlord love fence, he kill me if bork at." Scant improvement, to be sure, but better than the alternative of confiscation and aged-out gasssing. :[ Afterward, when the rest of us conceded buddy was beyond our means to house, pops would brook no talk of relinquishing him. So we told neighbour we'd sent him back, but aykshually he lived to old age at our other place in fuckoff nowhere, jagoff heights.

I posted about him in the pet thread a few times over the years, and when he died. I'm sad again but that's pets ain't it. ;-; Please don't send me to hell for lying to next door, Jesus, we were told to be merciful to all your creatures and this seemed the best idea. We're all retards of one variety or another down here. 3;





This would make an alright Rambo sequel tbh. Pair Johnny with some poor prick who's where he was circa First Blood. Or maybe some even poorer prick whose shit got ruined by Rambos. Or both! Yeah yeah, I know, lame - but fuck knows there's been a fair few Vietnams since. Take what you can get these days, that's my motto. Good times gone. It'd be better than Dark Fate and Force Awakens and all the other "do it again but worse with the sex/race boxes inverted" trash stinking up the joint lately

[vol.2]

Ooof. Just a really bad business, animal cruelty. Bad begets bad and we end up with fucked up animals that don't know any better, shaped solely by our captivity of them. Lot's of folks in Bmore take in shelter dogs, and they are mostly attack dogs because, let's face it, it's a fucked up dangerous place and that's the currency that is traded. My buddy Garret ended up with a rescue canary dog who constantly attacked the door and the blinds of their rental. One day, his GF took the dog to the minimart to grab some smokes and a homeless person grabbed her arm cause he was having fits of withdrawal and it musta seemed like a good idea in his desperate mind in the moment.
Next thing you know, dog has his jaws sunk into the poor bastard's arm deep enough to rend flesh, and rend he did. Guy spent months in the hospital and dog narrowly escapes death by way of "doggy-probation."

[BIL]

Good to hear the dog was ok! Ours was rescued from a dogfighting ring bust. Evidently not a very effective outfit, as Whippet/Greyhound is not the makings of a fighting dog. Unless they wanted him to be a chew-toy, Jesus. (he might've done well at the track, judging by his acceleration when startled, though I hear those dogs tend to be abused horribly too. I'm not up on dog stuff really, just picked up things here and there by osmosis)

He certainly had the guard dog thing down, but he was way too unstable for us to even take for walks. Total submission to us and friends, glaring side-eye for everyone else. Fortunately (a lucky dog, but then we are lucky people) we'd inherited an old farmhouse with a huge walled-in paddock for him to run around in, so that was that. Typing all this I remember how much everyone loved him, was a character. I only saw him a couple times a year towards the end but he'd always remember me.

[BryanM]

Unless they wanted him to be a chew-toy, Jesus.

Bait dogs are a standard tool of the trade. For small dogs, that usually means a quick death. Bigger dogs like yours would have been a "practice bitch", something big enough to look like a real threat without being much of a threat to the real fighters. Or they could have just been eccentric weirdos and wanted to see low powered fights with unorthodox breeds, but I extremely doubt it. Seems out of character for assholes.

... man. Tangentially related to movies and the shittiness of man, TIL that slave wet nurses were impregnated to produce milk, and their own kid was often sold off or killed, with a miscarriage or stillbirth being ideal in the eyes of their owner. So whenever you see a happy wet nurse who is also a slave, in period pieces in films, it's colossal bullshit.

[BIL]

Bait dogs are a standard tool of the trade. For small dogs, that usually means a quick death. Bigger dogs like yours would have been a "practice bitch", something big enough to look like a real threat without being much of a threat to the real fighters.

Yeah, that's was I was thinking re: dog. He was fairly big but decidedly a runner not a fighter. Then again, import of the typical fighting breeds is illegal throughout most of the West Indies, so who knows what these shitheads were thinking.

Was reading similar recently - aha, here we go - about pregnant slaves being regarded as twofers, hence systematic slave rape. This was concerning Viking raids on Bristol in the 11th century. I've still not read Vinland Saga partially because that setting via Badass Fightan manga context skeeves me. (I'd be similarly askance on a "Barbary Saga;" nothing pallors hot-blooded tales of glory like a backdrop of industrialised rapemurder)

I wonder sometimes about the similar disgust ye olde might is rights would regard the rule of law with. A chunk of pop culture is ofc that (The Road Warrior and its million knockoffs, chief among them Hokuto no Ken, post-apocalyptica ala The Road, etc). Larry from accounts one day, Grogon RapeFist the next. Shirt n' slacks one minute, assless chaps the next. Time flat circle etc etc /weed lmao

---

Oh hey! Now here's a medieval rapefest I can get down with. Rewatched as part of Paul Verhoevenfest: But I've Only Seen Robocop, an impromptu Zoom (*coof*) group watch, also featuring the very decent WWII thriller Black Book, and MUH FAVOURITE Starship Troopers, and Showgirls! I can't remember the last one, I'd drank too much! I sobered up for grand finale ROBOTCOP.

I will still vouch by me ol F+B writeup! It's fucked up and knows it.

Flesh + Blood (1985 / dir. Paul Verhoeven / Rutger Hauer, Jennifer Jason Leigh & Tom Burlinson)

Cutthroat 16th century mercenaries take revenge on their swindling patron, stealing his son's betrothed away to their improvised fort. Grotesque triangle involving merc leader, girl and her fiance ensues, as a bloody shitstorm of siege and plague looms.

Quite enjoyed this one. Strongest and potentially most repulsive feature is the air of pitiless savagery. Murder, rape and general atrocity abound - though somewhat leavened by Verhoeven's wry touch, its cruelty is to feelgood medieval romps what The Cross of Iron is to cheesy WWII schlock. Appetite and survival are all. "BUT I DIDNT KNOW WHO THE HERO WAS SAPPOSE TO BE" types will not be amused! Absorbing locations and volatile chemistry between the principle characters along with a lively supporting cast made the 2hr uncut runtime fly past.

Suitable alternate title Berserk The Live Action: Gambino Den (cited by Miura - fans will dig the setting).

Starring Rutger Hauer as Gambino



And Jack Thompson as Arthur from Ghouls n' Ghosts

[drauch]

Man, I looooove Flesh + Blood. Desperately need a rewatch. Not enough mercenary films! Or plague ones! As mentioned, it's a rather nasty affair with no winners. Dead plague dog meat catapults and rampant sex galore. A glorious treat and the film that drove Verhoeven and Hauer apart. It's that brutal!

[FinalBaton]

I gotta watch that, I love Robocop and Starship Troopers.

[Vexorg]

My parents adopted a rescued bait dog. She is VERY protective of my mother, and will snap at you if you approach my Mom too quickly even if it's someone she knows. Fortunately she's too small to do any real damage and is pretty friendly in other situations, but you know there's something pretty messed up in her past.

[vol.2]

Sherlock Homes: A Game of Shadows


Not going to lie, I enjoyed the two RDJr SH films. Jude Law made for an exciting reinterpretation of the Watson foil and I thought he had good chemistry with RDJr. For this second outing, it was a solid step down from the first film. Everything was too spread out and they tried to cover too much ground in a single film. I thought it was a shame though, because what remains is all good material, just not sufficiently tied together and not supported with enough of a cohesive narrative; but all the elements are there; Jared Harris made a good (if not great) Moriarty, the overall concept of the screenplay was a solid one and the whole thing was accented well by Hans Zimmer's ethereal tunes.
Nevertheless, it fails to go beyond "good" to great, being let down by the overall looseness of the parts that make up the whole.

[Stevens]

Cyborg

WHAT. THE. FUCK. DID. I. JUST. WATCH? Full fucking stop.

Awful. Absolutely awful. The only saving grace was that it was only 87 minutes.

That said it had one truly outstanding moment that ensued in laughter so fierce my face spazzed out (Bells Palsy 15 years ago - recovered like 90% of my movement, but face is prone to painful spasms for like 15 - 30 seconds if I stretch the muscles too much).

Well I can't find it - but it starts with JCVD kicking the dude in the ribs. He stumbles into a fire and immediately ignites, like he bathed in gasoline just prior to leaving the house. Then falls into a car and explodes like he was made of dynamite. Amazing.

Enter the Ninja

Might have been the standard back in the day/movie that kicked off the ninja craze, but this was borderline unwatchable. A far cry from the other movies I have watched lately. I didn't finish it.

[drauch]

JCVD was crucified for your sins!

[BIL]

Well I can't find it - but it starts with JCVD kicking the dude in the ribs. He stumbles into a fire and immediately ignites, like he bathed in gasoline just prior to leaving the house. Then falls into a car and explodes like he was made of dynamite. Amazing.

Have you seen JCVD, the 2008 film? Has a few daydream sequences like this.

[rapoon]

That said it had one truly outstanding moment that ensued in laughter so fierce my face spazzed out (Bells Palsy 15 years ago - recovered like 90% of my movement, but face is prone to painful spasms for like 15 - 30 seconds if I stretch the muscles too much).

Well I can't find it - but it starts with JCVD kicking the dude in the ribs. He stumbles into a fire and immediately ignites, like he bathed in gasoline just prior to leaving the house. Then falls into a car and explodes like he was made of dynamite. Amazing.

this is some of the funniest shit I’ve read on here.


Re Cyborg, yeah what a horrible movie. I saw it in the theater and don’t remember much else other than it sucked ass and ruined my day.

[Mischief Maker]

Good old schlockmeister Albert Pyun.

Dude can not get enough of making terrible direct-to-video movies revolving around cyborg characters.

...yet he started his career making one of the top 10 fantasy movies of the 80s: The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)



Apologies for the sub-MST3K subtitles, it's the only animated gif I could find of that ridiculously awesome sword:

[Vexorg]

Bill and Ted Face the Music:***

There are a lot of ways that making a sequel to a pair of films that last saw a theater almost thirty years ago could have turned out to be a complete disaster, but fortunately this manages to avoid most of them. I think the producers realized pretty early on how ridiculous this whole premise was (both the movie itself and the premise of making a "teen" movie starring a couple of actors pushing 60 years old) and just ran with it, and the result is a reasonably entertaining film that doesn't take itself too seriously

That said, the plot of this one can at times reach Christopher Nolan levels of confusing (haven't seen Tenet but I've heard it's pretty bad) and Alex Winter has not aged well (he has had a fairly successful Hollywood career on the other side of the camera but hasn't been in any major feature films in quite a while.) It's also rather short at only 91 minutes run time, which feels more than a little rushed at times, mostly because they spend too long on other things that don't add much to the movie (but were presumably cheap to film.)

[xxx1993]

Just watched Locked Down and Outside the Wire.

[BIL]

The Guest (2014) Helpful soldier rooms with his dead buddy's family to promote better living via ultraviolence. Enjoyable! More finely-balanced black-comedic domestic horror from the team behind bizarro home invasion You're Next (2011).