David is very much Covenant's protagonist, which could might make for an interesting movie (roboman doing robothings!), if you could forgive its Xenomorph origin story's utter betrayal of the 1979 film's most central concept:
it's about fucking Aliens (LITERALLY LMAO!) Oh god. Messrs O'bannon, Giger and Lovecraft's collective coffins must be spinning fast enough to power FTL travel and discover cosmic horror IRL.
It's all moot as unfortunately, its cast are even dumber than that of Prometheus aka
Attack of Bald Space Jesu. Just pure, bottom-of-the barrel slasher idiocy from start to finish. Mix in X-TREEEM boring as hell stuntin' and Juicy Smoulliet, that lousy French comedian. I felt bad for getting angry at Smarmy Scientist Man taking his helmet off like a jackass in Prometheus. Now his character arc seems positively enthralling. (to recap:
"WOO-HOOO!" Stop it you fuck! You'll get Galaxy AIDS!
"LOL DAVID U HAV SMOL PENOR" What is this dumb motherfucker doing, antagonising poor Robo Columbine...?
"AIEEE, I AM DYING" What the fuck did I just see?)
These nutsacks don't even have helmets to remove.
Ultimately ends up in precisely the same place
Prometheus did. That is, a shitty film that explains too much about guff yet nothing about stuff, and has only a handful of decent scenes and/or vistas, plus Fassbender, all of which should be Youtubed at safe distance from the wretched flick. Its only convincing scene of alien peril tends to get written off as more of the same Three Stooges-esque idiocy, but I thought it was a pretty effective portrayal of absolute terror. Homie's back just exploded and turned their nice future examination room into the grimmest abattoir, also, the parasite responsible is going for your throat! I know we're all yawning in the aisles at this point, but that is some rank shit!
Also as a great shumping enthusiast, I did enjoy this scene in particular!
BGM: "GREAT BATTLESHIP" ♫ (CRANK IT FUCKING LOUD )
BOMBAAA
"HE GOING TO KILL US"
NICE BOMB! (JUST LIKE UR MOVIE LMAO)
Jesus, it was only seven years ago that I was naive enough to get excited at "THE RETURN OF RIDLEY SCOTT."
Now it's "THE RETURN OF [PRODUCER, TEEHEE] JAMES CAMERON." It's like poetry they etc etc.
There was some slight silver lining. It does end poised for some quality body horror outside of the now-decrepit "un-informed space friends discover bad alien shit, aieee!" formula. Could get some Dr. Moreau going on in the third film, which I believe has been announced? With our recent talk of failed trilogies, this one seems to be staggering on. One out of three is bad, but if Scott could just rein in his god-awful scriptwriters, I could enjoy it. Possibly.