Prelude to the Apocalypse

[Sengoku Strider]

Not gonna lie it's been fuckin hilarious watching the reaction to Trump's PLS HALP from the Murica First bunch. "EAT SHIT YOU HONEYPOTTING ORANGE J6 GLOW

QAnon conspiracy site Real Raw News came up huge with my favourite "Don't protest and get out of hand, it looks really bad on us and I don't want the FBI to haul me out of work in the middle of the day again" take yet.

Spoiler

TL;DR:

- Don't worry, the generals from the real military will protect Trump from the evil fake deep state military. All the really kickass Call of Duty soldiers are on the good guy side.

- But also, they're going to arrest a programmed clone of Trump (or maybe body double), not the real guy so don't freak out.

- This has been planned since the JFK assassination. Trump totally wanted his clone to get arrested for having his shady lawyer bribe a porn star hush money from his campaign fund that you - personally - donated to, grandma Ethel in Des Moines IA.

- One Q drop from 6 years ago contained the words "don't protest," which is how real patriots know that when Trump said "PLZ protest" he meant "Super don't protest." It's his genius 5D chess move to trap Black Lives Matter.

[...who presumably can absolutely not read this and find out the entire plan, because they're not patriotic enough to be Real Raw News subscribers or infiltrate your MAGA MOMS OF SOUTHERN OHIO Facebook group.]

- THIS IS THE FINAL BATTLE

- But also, definitely don't be disappointed when nothing happens.

[BIL]

As TrumpaMAGAdon 2023: Nazo no NUCLEAR FOOTBALL ensues, I have all confidence in the stewardship of GENERAL BURGER

[BryanM]

It's gonna be surreal when they have to set up the oval office inside a prison. Reality will become a bad Arrested Development bit.

I forgot to stress the racist Chinese web novel guy's rant included a lot of harkenin' back to an idealized mythical age of ancient Imperial China. It would be accurate to say ...he wanted to make China great again.

I guess the fetishization of the past really betrays how much more brutal they'd like to be able to be to other people...

Anyway, the main point of this was it was a moment that really drove home the point that people in aggregate really are exactly the goddamn same no matter where they come from. Environments may differ, but nerds gonna be nerds, hippies gonna hippy, and fashies gonna fash.

[Specineff]

I was thinking of the Trumpanites would concoct a crazy theory of him getting replaced (or him dropping a decoy A La TF2 spy) if he gets arrested, and then being safely hidden away in a secret bunker by Q to prepare for his triumphant return [s] right along the Second Coming of Jesus to sit to the right of the Father and separate the wheat from the chaff [/s] around 2028, but dismissed it as just too kooky of a theory...

Only to have my hopes hilariously dashed by the post quoted by Sengoku Strider.

(EDIT: Crap, can't figure out how to do strikethrough)

[BIL]

Anyway, the main point of this was it was a moment that really drove home the point that people in aggregate really are exactly the goddamn same no matter where they come from. Environments may differ, but nerds gonna be nerds, hippies gonna hippy, and fashies gonna fash.

ROUNDHOUSE KICK AN INTELLIGENT OUT-OF-CONTROL DINOSAUR INTO THE CONCRETE (｀w´メ)

DEFECATE IN AN INTELLIGENT OUT-OF-CONTROL DINOSAUR'S FOOD (｀w´メ)

LAUNCH AN INTELLIGENT OUT-OF-CONTROL DINOSAUR INTO THE SUN (｀w´メ)

[BryanM]

(EDIT: Crap, can't figure out how to do strikethrough)

You did it right, the PHPbb Now plug-in to enable it just isn't installed here. I've complained about it to the management for years to no avail.. we're not getting a repeat of the

Spoiler

tag indulgence.

[s]I've accepted that but will never stop using the tag until this world dies no matter how futile it may be.[/s]

Wait, I meant that unsarcastically.

[BIL]

OH CHRIST WTF (◎w◎;)

[Air Master Burst]

Are burgers the stereotypical american food to the rest of the world? That's shockingly generous!

The actual traditional food of our people is oscar meyer balogna and a kraft american single on wonder bread with miracle whip.

ETA: washed down with a diet coke of course.

[BIL]

Texas has the best goddamn burgers I ever saw tbh An aunt moved back there with her husband, always a good time visiting. Good steak is so cheap too. Actually it's making me hungrier than a motherfucker just thinking about the tomatoes. Quoth Tony Soprano, when you're married you start to understand the importance of fresh produce.

I blame Bad Dudes, mostly. A good weeb friend was telling me the Nihongos do some exemplary burgers too, but that's cheating with the Burgers PWNing them and setting up shop. Hence Bad Dudes.



EDIT: and other things!

NWS, hefty beast cock

Spoiler

[Sima Tuna]

Are burgers the stereotypical american food to the rest of the world? That's shockingly generous!

The actual traditional food of our people is oscar meyer balogna and a kraft american single on wonder bread with miracle whip.

ETA: washed down with a diet coke of course.

True enough. The other traditional food is "whatever you can afford." Probably $1/pack hot dogs.

[Air Master Burst]

True enough. The other traditional food is "whatever you can afford." Probably $1/pack hot dogs.

Why would we ever cook our own hot dogs when every gas station in the country will sell you two for a dollar off one of those disgusting roller machines? They even have little plastic condiment packets of "onions"!

[BIL]

The gas station hotdog and its roller housing is a common sight throughout the Caribbean too, unsurprisingly with Burgerland just a bit to the north. Sad shit tbh, although the lovable patty does surprisingly well in them... that's shortening for you. Weenies, it's gotta be one of those German or Italian deals that looks like a big fuckin cock, otherwise what's the point? Good-humoured intimidation is key to the aesthetic of burgers and hotdogs alike.

[BryanM]

The actual traditional food of our people is oscar meyer balogna and a kraft american single on wonder bread with miracle whip

It does disturb me how many family members are content with sliced bread and flapping a slice of cheese or pig onto it. Here's a protip: the actually good, fresh bread costs about the same. If you don't wanna fucking use a knife you can tear your own slices of bread with your fingers, it's still ten million times better even stone cold. Toss it into an electric toaster oven for 20 seconds and it'll be twelve million times better.

Just imagine, paying money for stale bread from a week ago when something shoved into a oven just this morning or yesterday is right in the middle of the aisle.

Mentioning kraft reminded me of how South Park always had its flappy-headed Canadians have this upbeat passion for going home and eating some Kraft dinner. A youtube comment that has stayed with me for life misunderstood their words to be "crap dinner".

All this talk about gas station food has also dredged up warm memories of fried chicken and mojos. The fried chicken was mid, nothing special (unfortunately better than what you'd get in a USA KFC these days), but those potato wedges were tasty.

This used to be the place. So weird looking at how the city's changed, haven't been back in over 20 years now. Surreal to see the K-Mart that used to be the economic hub of the town transformed into a probation and unemployment office. (I dunno if those trees are there to look nice, or to hide the 'riff-raff' from people driving by. Probably a bit o' both..) The place has a Home Depot now, it used to be such a little shithole that the Wal-Mart opening there was a major event.

But now, it's kind of sad that every city looks the same. This Home Depot is indistinguishable from any of the others in any other town. It's not like in video games where every place can be new and exciting to look at.

Beige square boxes and blue jeans from top to bottom. Boring.

----

Oh, and another thing they screw you on: yeast and yeast piss. Yeast spores are basically everywhere, you can grow them at home for free. Yeast piss takes longer (being piss after all), but you shouldn't have to pay nearly a buck for a can of the stuff. It's every american's god-given right to have as much yeast piss as they want, the Man be damned.

[orange808]

The beauty of America is freedom from cabbage.

[drauch]

You guys have a lot of upsetting conversations in this thread, but for the love of Crom, leave gas station hotdogs out of it.

[Air Master Burst]

You guys have a lot of upsetting conversations in this thread, but for the love of Crom, leave gas station hotdogs out of it.

Sinking this thread to new depths of debauchery is now my proudest shmup 1CC.

[Sengoku Strider]

Mentioning kraft reminded me of how South Park always had its flappy-headed Canadians have this upbeat passion for going home and eating some Kraft dinner. A youtube comment that has stayed with me for life misunderstood their words to be "crap dinner".

I think they dodged any potential legal bullets by calling it Kroff Dinner or something similar. The stereotype is bang on though, growing up that stuff and Kraft products in general were so ubiquitous I 100% thought Kraft was a Canadian company. One really broke year in undergrad I practically lived off it, you can mix any random stuff into it and make it a meal. Except for the leftover bulgogi meat experiment. That one didn't work at all.

================

Speaking of leftover bulgogi meat, let's check in with how the final battle against of the ancient Cult of Moloch and the faceless anarchist bureaucrats of the deep state is going:







For anyone with reliably firing synapses who is confused by the guy in the costume: RINO is a pejorative acronym used in Republican circles that stands for Republican In Name Only, indicating someone insufficiently aligned with party ethos. So the reason you're confused is because costume guy is really confused.

On Trump's social media site, Truth Social, British far-right provocateur Paul Joseph Watson polled his 218,000 followers with the question: "Is the potential protest against Trump being arrested a J6-style trap?"

Of the 1,580 responses, 85% voted "Yes."

Well well. It looks like Trump and Q's plan is coming together perfectly. Your move, BLM.

[orange808]

Spoiler

Rats off to ya!

[BIL]

Trump fucked a porn star and paid off someone so his wife couldn't find out. That's romantic.

[Air Master Burst]

Trump fucked a porn star and paid off someone so his wife couldn't find out. That's romantic.

This shit is still wild to me! Like, what kind of boring rich people ARE they that this would even be an issue in their relationship? Eyes Wide Shut was over 20 years ago! If you're not having all sorts of weird debauched sex parties then what's even the point of BEING rich?

[BIL]

Bitches be crazy \(O_O)/ Slavic ones notably so! Absent such a gesture, she mighta cut his dick off, or hooked jumper cables to his balls, or some shit.

I bet he bought her a diamond ring and a BMW. So if she didn't like the ring, she could drive to the store to return it.

Or alternatively, a pair of slippers and a dildo. So if she didn't like the slippers, she could go fuck herself.

No for real it all sounds very sweet and traditional, Murica fuck yeaaar

[BryanM]

While yelling at people on reddit, google told me the Alaskan commie oil fund was supposed to pay out ~3k this year, and that seemed really high since it's historically been 1k. A trip to good 'ole wikipedia enlightened me:

2016: Dividend was estimated to be $2,052 (2,316.89) but Governor Bill Walker's veto reduced it
2017: Dividend was estimated to be over $2,300 (2,542.61) however it was reduced by legislative action
2018: Dividend was estimated to be $2,700 (2,913.61) however it was reduced by legislative action

Now if some shitfucker stole FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS from you, naturally you would make that person your boss and pay him twelve times as much as yourself, of course?

Fuckin' humans man. I wish this was some secret illuminati kind of thing, then I could have respect for our species. But there it is. Sitting right in the public record of a local .gov site that's run by the people actively doing the shitfucking.

[orange808]

While yelling at people on reddit, google told me the Alaskan commie oil fund was supposed to pay out ~3k this year, and that seemed really high since it's historically been 1k. A trip to good 'ole wikipedia enlightened me:

2016: Dividend was estimated to be $2,052 (2,316.89) but Governor Bill Walker's veto reduced it
2017: Dividend was estimated to be over $2,300 (2,542.61) however it was reduced by legislative action
2018: Dividend was estimated to be $2,700 (2,913.61) however it was reduced by legislative action

Now if some shitfucker stole FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS from you, naturally you would make that person your boss and pay him twelve times as much as yourself, of course?

Fuckin' humans man. I wish this was some secret illuminati kind of thing, then I could have respect for our species. But there it is. Sitting right in the public record of a local .gov site that's run by the people actively doing the shitfucking.

People are fairly thick.

I know I already mentioned it, but it's like methodically engineering mobile operating systems specifically for data mining--and (next) selectively blaming one application developer for using the OS to do exactly what the operating system was designed to do: mine data. WTF?

Finally, we boost our established censorship infrastructure (or at least further normalize it) to stop the "evil" bad application developer "hacker" that simply used the OS SDK and the methods it exposes to create a binary.

And, our "representatives" carefully make sure they never say a word about the root of the problem: Apple and Google. They pretend it's because of application development. Why? They are lap dogs. One way or another, they are all "in" on the grift, so they don't do anything to fix the root of the problem: Android and iOS.

The OS devs have also blocked my ability to disable the network, so I have to kill my battery all day while my device spies on me and "phones home". I don't need data for anything. I don't need "push" notifications. I can unlock my celly and check my email and messages. Everyone that knows me can SMS something urgent or call. I rarely need data when my device is locked and not docked/charging. But, **no**, I must drain my battery feeding the unnecessary surveillance machine.

As for the oil dividend, you shouldn't be surprised. America is the worlds #1 oil producer. Has been for a while now. Everyone is acting surprised Saudi Arabia is turning away from the US. Does that surprise anyone? The United States has publicly stated many times they want more energy independence and they want to use less oil. There's also social/political pressure because the west doesn't agree with Saudi Arabia on human rights.

What's more likely? Saudi Arabia decides they are doomed to make less money in the future and their royal family will step down tomorrow, because America said so? Are you high? Seriously, are you guys high? It sounds just as ridiculous as it is, when I write down for you, doesn't it? Energy independence will create some realignment. The world is complicated. Everything is complicated. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

When we cancel someone, they will find new friends. When we stop buying, sellers will seek new markets. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[Sengoku Strider]

Trump fucked a porn star and paid off someone so his wife couldn't find out. That's romantic.

This shit is still wild to me! Like, what kind of boring rich people ARE they that this would even be an issue in their relationship? Eyes Wide Shut was over 20 years ago! If you're not having all sorts of weird debauched sex parties then what's even the point of BEING rich?

Was this a relationship thing? Or more along the lines of a "Dammit Mikey, we gotta do something! The prenup says she gets to cash out clean if I get caught cheating publicly. We've got the 2020 general coming up, I still need a wife! On paper I mean."

[BryanM]

Was just talking about paper doll animation here, and clicked on this thing today.

Well, I wonder if Putin will get to go to gulag. His body doubles are kind of comical - guy won't come within 40 meters of his own inner circle, and he's supposed to be hanging out making friends on the street next to a war zone? This seems to defeat some fundamental purpose of having body doubles...

It's that upside Soviet Russia joke. Losing the war is winning the war. Ceding back previously conquered territory from 200 years ago and becoming a colony of China makes Russia great again...

[Sengoku Strider]

becoming a colony of China

You will never guess what hilarious logic Beijing has already been using for years to lay claim to Tibet.

[orange808]

Trump in Waco.

Fucking bonkers. All of it.

https://abcnews.go.com/US/david-koresh- ... d=52033937

You can't support Koresh and not support him. Don't forget the kids McVeigh murdered in support of Koresh. When you throw your lot in with these people, you're in. If you didn't support their actions 100%, you wouldn't go to Waco. Trump did go to Waco.

So, Trumpers love crazy sex cults and terrorists. There's no other possible message to be found. If Trump didn't 100% support Koresh and McVeigh, he wouldn't have gone to Waco.

[Sengoku Strider]

You can't support Koresh and not support him. Don't forget the kids McVeigh murdered in support of Koresh. When you throw your lot in with these people, you're in. If you didn't support their actions 100%, you wouldn't go to Waco. Trump did go to Waco.

I dunno. I have a hard time believing Trump is genuinely cool with anyone who tried to paint themselves as Jesus ahead of him.



I think it's pretty much just his usual amoral transactional thinking. The lack of stochastic violence this week means he loses leverage in convincing the FBI to treat him with kid gloves. I'm guessing he called up Bannon or someone and asked them what would shore up his street cred with the violent suicidal lunatic demographic. I know he was an Alex Jones listener back in the day, but Waco in 2023 is still a pretty deep album cut. I'm not sure he's quite that plugged into paranoid southern yokel culture himself.

[Sengoku Strider]

Lamestream media lying at its finest. She alleges the foot massages cost $10, when the sign clearly says $5 or free with the purchase of a grilled cheese.

[emphatic]

Isn't there a thread about mass shootings? It's strangely quiet about this latest one...