TRASHSTORM - EPISODE VII
MYRON SAID "CRAPPY HOLIDAYS"
Twas the night before Trashmas.
When all through the house.
Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.
Trash games were hung by the chimney with care.
In hopes that game reviewers soon...would...be...there...
You made it through Trash-O-Ween. Now try and survive Trashmas...again.
SILENT NIGHT, TRASH GAME NIGHT II
It's December, it's winter in a few weeks and with the traditional Christmas mediatic-bombardment starting, I'm gonna review another abomination from Breakthrough Gaming. Just when I've decided to pull the plug on lambasting Breakthrough Gaming, their constant trash game releases is just laughable. They're on the league of "So bad its good" in 99% of the cases. But in this case, I'll review a game that had all the ideas in the world, but it was ruined by laziness.
I'm talking The Continents: Breakthrough Gaming Activity Center. If the continents could talk, they'll be begging to be sunk into the ocean or yanked away from the Earth's crust and being hurled into space.
In a place much better than yours.
Picking "Why Learn?" will send you to a cutscene where Zippy the Circle will explain you why learning about the world is important and drops a short talk about appreciating the world God gave us. This is by far the lone reference to the Bible on the whole game.
Click-and-Point on its sorriest level.
"Continent Quiz", which is the main game, consists of three quiz levels with 10 questions each. The objective of this game is to answer all of them correctly by clicking on the respective continent in order to gain the trophies. To be fair, it was good to see how Myron learned something from his previous works and realized that granting trophies for failing on educational games was a bad idea, even if you product is Trashware, the kind of products that put Shovelware to shame.
*In X-Morph's voice* Move your consciousness to the next area.
Explore the Earth is more of a free-game since there's no objective in particular, just point a continent and get information about it, the game will give you 5 facts per continent.
Nothing short of poetry.
Not even a photo or satellite images? LAAAAAME.
Well, I'll sum up the whole audiovisual thing in one segment: A lame, boring and lazy recycle project where Breakthrough Gaming took most of ZJ the Ball and re-used it on the background, along with the music which on the bright side is not the abominable trash from the Breakthrough Gaming Arcade series. The map is just plain white, with the basic lineout to divide Europe from Asia and North from South America making the continents look dull and incomplete, like the school planispheres you can buy on a paper store. Lazy, cheap and lame. Nothing more to tell about it.
In the end, this game turns out to be pointless. If we saw this as a geography game, it is on the VERY MINIMAL qualifications to be precisely that for several reasons, but I'll only bother to mention a few of them. I mean, if I was a christian game developer and wanted to put the Bible on it, I'd try a different approach like the geography of the Bible, regions like Bethlehem, Jerusalem, Samalia, Gaililee, Decapolis, the Tetrarchy of Philip and make it rich with biblical-historical references based on each region with some illustrative content. As a geography game, it lacks of geographical content, and that means a brief history of each country, geology, climatology, hydrography and even population density. I know that 'cos I have like three world atlas books from the 60's, 90's and 2000's, so that's quite enough information about how to make a geography game. Geography games, both general and biblical requires time, one hell of a lot of time to be made, and this is the nail on the coffin of Myron's The Continents game, that "Do it on the cheap" mentality is what made this "project" fall miserably falling on both the list of Trophy Milkers and the trash game category. In other (and lesser) words, avoid this game at all costs.
Better to go offline before starting to say far worse things.
Review: Breakthrough Gaming - The Contintents (PS4|5)
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Sturmvogel Prime
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Review: Breakthrough Gaming - The Contintents (PS4|5)
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Bringing you shmup and video game reviews with humorous criticism.
STG Wikias: Thunder Force Wiki - Wikiheart Exelica - Ginga Force Wiki