SP Review: Our Church and Halloween Story Five (PS4|5)

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Sturmvogel Prime
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SP Review: Our Church and Halloween Story Five (PS4|5)

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It's been a while since my last trash game review. Not because I didn't had nothing else to review, but due to internet server failure that kept me off the 'net from days.
I guess that was a sign from God to stop me from mentally injuring myself with trash games, especially since Breakthrough Gaming is still rampant with their "Blasphemy in disguise", and I mean it 'cos releasing trash games and dedicate them to God, Jesus and Christians is simply an inexcusable offense.

Anyway, looks like Breakthrough Gaming decided to continue their RPG game Our Church and Halloween, and they've brought us Story Five. Unfortunately, they splitted this story in two versions: James and Scott. Let's start with the James version. Well, this is gonna be an unfun diving into the sea of the pathetic.



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The invisible entrance...found.

The story resumes where Story Four left off, as James and the evil Scott survived the sinking of the ship and ended in a small island, and to find their way home, they'll have to do a truce with each other to survive. The objective here is to find the entrace to a cave, but there's no hint on the area, not even a "plain white square" like Story Two. So you have to move around like an idiot until the game triggers a dialogue box because you finally found the entrance. If the cave exit hint in Story Two was bad, this is even worse. Why the game had to be this cryptic? It's the first part of the stage and its already displaying signs of videogame idiocy. Well, that was the first stage of the game.



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Link's Awakening Gone Wrong.

The next two levels are mazes where the objective is to find the goal as fast as possible. That's right, the game returns to its "Timed format" where the objective is to complete the game within a time limit, but this time you can check the timer by holding down L2 & R2. The fact that Story Four ditched that meant it was an unnecessary feature makes you wonder: ¿Why they've brought it back in this game? It only kills the already unexistant fun-factor if there was one. Anyway, you can run faster by holding the X button. But the fastest time possible is by reaching the goal before the timer hits 1000 in both levels. This is required to unlock the trophies.



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What on Earth...

If you thought this was the end of the saga, the game drops some really BAD news: It's still going and to make it worse, There's no idea of how many episodes are left to go. Based on how the story "Ended" in Story Four, I want to calculate it will be up to Story Eight or something, but those are my predictions 'cos we don't know how much Breakthrough Gaming will keep this series alive.



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In today's story, Skeletor joined the Bydo Empire and he paid a horrible price.
Regardless if they're good or bad, friends don't let friends join the Bydo Empire.
See you later, friends.


In the style of an episode of Filmation's He-Man and the Masters of the Universe or a "Sailor Says" segment from DiC's Sailor Moon, the game ends with a story moral disguised as a "Character Blog" with some information about the game's characters, along with some biblical references before thanking us for playing the game.



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Keep your Bat-Wings crossed until tomorrow
SAME BAT-TIME!, SAME BAT-CHANNEL!
SAME PERILOUS PREDICAMENT!


Unlike the previous games, this time they had the courtesy of giving you a hint on what will happen in the next game.

Time to talk about the "James Version" which is, believe it or not, the same game. The HAHAHAHA! the exac-HAHAHAHAHA!! exact-HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Good Lord...A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! it's the exact same [EXPLETIVE] game! The only differences are that the leading role was reversed and you take control of Scott, the intro text and Erin's segment were changed, the rest are the same mazes and the same ending. It's basically Trophy Fodder since it only works as the worst of all excuses for getting quick Gold trophies and a cheap Platinum. If you've played the James version, then you've played the Scott version already, unless you're looking for trophies in that version too.



Graphically, its as dull and empty as Story One, the game is almost plain white. The beach is the only decent part with the water "waves" that are basically animated and is the only decent part of the game.
In lesser words, the graphics and the sound are like a Bydo monster plugged on a dialysis machine, which means it's not a beautiful sight.


OUR CURIOSITIES AND FUN FACTS
- First time in the series where a "Next Story" preview is seen.
- It is also the first time where a character description and a "moral" are introduced.




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Yeah, thanks for nothing.
Now get out of my sight.


Both versions of Our Church and Halloween Story Five are a "Return to Nothingness" after a series of slow improvisations throughout the first four chapters, Project: Summer Ice and Breakthrough Gaming reverted the whole thing to its miserable "State of beginning". It's no less than a return to the mediocre dungeon explorer that feels like a cheap maze game that you might find on a bootleg 1000000-in-1 cartridge or an old Sony Ericson phone with cryptic crap like the hidden cave entrance that makes Batman Forever look fun, and to add insult to injury both versions are virtually the same god-damned game. A TOTAL RIPOFF!
But you know what's worse?, There's a "God knows how many" chapters left to go.



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DOUBLE RELEASE, DOUBLE AGONY, A WHOLE PAIN WORSE THAN BEING NAILED ON A CROSS!
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