Breakthrough Gaming's Catch the Bowling Balls (PS4-PS5)

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Sturmvogel Prime
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Breakthrough Gaming's Catch the Bowling Balls (PS4-PS5)

Post by Sturmvogel Prime »

Looks like Breakthrough Gaming still has trash to throw.
Today's review is Breakthrough Gaming Presents: Catch the Bowling Balls.


Need a check-run of all the reviews based on Breakthrough Gaming's abominations?
Have fun reading how I rip all of 'em apart so you don't have to play'em.
Space 2
Football
Avoid Them
Baseball
Racing
Skateboarding
Track



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Even Kaboom! was much more funnier than this.

This might be a short review, but is not because I'm getting lazy, it's because this game has ALMOST NOTHING to talk about it. What can I say about Catch the Bowling Balls? Well, if this isn't the real-for-real bottom of the "abyss of the pathetic", then I don't know what could be. Catch the Bowling Balls gameplay consists of catching the balls that fall by using your trusty fruit bowl, the objective here is to rack the highest score possible. Each ball grants you 100 points, and with each 500 points, the game will climb on its difficulty by increasing the falling speed. Unlike their previous screw-ups, I mean "games" like Track and Avoid Them, the speed was increased more appropiately to a 5% I guess, since I was able to reach Stage 9 before losing the game. Missing 1 bowling ball will result in game over and you'll have to start the game all over again. Your only controls are left and right, so you can think of this game as a clone of Activision's Kaboom!, if Kaboom! was a disaster of videogaming with the sorriest graphics and sounds you can ever imagine.



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You've got'em all in less than a minute!
Now try to hold your laughter.


Let's go with the Raison d'être of this game, which is the Trophies a...and...HAHAHAHA!!...P-P-Pi-pickHAHAHAHAHAHA!!, Picking tHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Oh [EXPLETIVE] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! the trophies HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!. Picking the trophies in this game is not too easy, it's the MOST PATHETIC AND RIDICULOUSLY EASY of all in videogame history. There's nothing more ridiculous that watching how the game displays the "Trophy Unlocked" message non-stop as if you're using a cheating tool, but in this game, it requires no effort since you'll be hitting the score required to unlock all of them in no time.



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Learning to be good is a good lesson from the Bible.
Too bad the developer didn't put that in practice while making this game.


So the lesson here is to pay attention and read the Bible. Someone should gave us an advice of how low this game will fall, so no one waste a dollar on this.
Also, I can't find the connection between grabbing bowling balls and the Bible. Well, we can learn from it there's neat and interesting things for our life, so we can correct our ways into righteousness. But trying to associate this game with the Bible should be insulting 'cos is like if the US Olympic Team fails at the Olympics and you tell them "I'm proud of you". The result? Punches flying towards your face. God wouldn't be so happy to see how his scripture is used as an excuse to release another trash videogame and he'll probably take some actions against humanity because of all the trash catalogue from Breakthrough Gaming.


Graphically, is the same levels of pathetic from Breakthrough Gaming. If you've saw my previous reviews you'll be familiarized with this sad, pathetic attempt to retro-style by using a monochrome palette. While the bowl to catch balls looks like a half-sliced sphere, there's no way to recognize the balls as bowling balls. Their characteristic "three holes" are nowhere to be found, there's no spinning effect to make them look three-dimensional in a basic level, just that shiny effect on the upper right that makes them look like a crystal ball. As for the sound, BAAAAAAH-HAHA-HA-HAHA-HA!! Just a rip off of Pong's ball bouncing effect and that pathetic weird noise that tries to pass as title screen and game over tunes.

Catch the Bowling Balls is a testimony of how imbecile, infantile, mediocre and pathetic indie gaming could be when its done on the bottom line of cheapness, and like the rest of the games from this "developer", it's an insult to see how the Bible is used as an excuse to release trash. The only "challenge" that I had with this game was to write the review. ¿Why? 'cos it is god damn difficult to type correctly on a computer while laughing after getting all the trophies so stupidly easy. In my case I was laughing for 3 or 4 minutes. Yeah, even more than watching Walter Campbell's idiot face in Raiden V ('cos it's IMPOSSIBLE not to laugh at it everytime he appears in Stages 4 and 6).

This game's real lesson is: If you want to crack some good laughs, then pick it. Catch the Bowling Balls is more like a joke that comes with a bunch of cheap trophies than a game.


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Looks like Lea didn't found that game funny.
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Stevens
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Re: Breakthrough Gaming's Catch the Bowling Balls (PS4-PS5)

Post by Stevens »

You deserve an award for continually subjecting yourself to this shit.
My lord, I have come for you.
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