Alpha Warrior by S-Mobile (PlayStation 4|5)

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Sturmvogel Prime
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Alpha Warrior by S-Mobile (PlayStation 4|5)

Post by Sturmvogel Prime »

TRASHSTORM - EPISODE XII
ALPHA MORON



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TRASHSTORM IS NOT A REAL STORY.
IS NOT EVEN GOOD FICTION.
IS TRASH GAME REVIEWS.
ALL OF THE GAMES FEATURED WOULD CAUSE A PERSON DISAPPOINTMENT,
ANGER, FRUSTRATION, DEPRESSION, MONEY LOSS INCLUDED.
TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.




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Contender of "The New LJN" title.

Oh, God. This is another of those instances where being a reviewer hurts. The moments where reviewing a game turns out to be a nightmare and an exercise of disappointment and boredom beyond any known level of comprehension of the human mind, but someone has to write about it as the warning sign for the world to see it. S-Mobile (also known as Smobile) is one of the main developers and publishers of videogame trash, along with Webnetic, ThiGames, Game Achievements Limited and the dreaded Breakthrough Gaming, the five contenders of the title of "The New LJN". A legion of trashlords doing the most heinous crime known to gaming: Pelting the PlayStation Store with shit.



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Uuuuh, "Basura from Space", one of the least wanted things on shooting.

Do you want to know where on the Universe Gradius-inspired gaming is complete horseshit? Is on any galaxy, planet, continent, country, state, city, neighborhood and home where Alpha Warrior is being played. Yeah, turning the elements of the classic Konami shmup into a cesspool of disaster is the Anti-Accomplishment, and S-Mobile is to blame for this act of idiocy. Making a bad shooter is one thing, but making a really, REALLY bad Gradius clone is a whole level of blasphemy. So let's start with the review and end this agony of reviewing bad games.



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Developer 1: How do I describe the upgrade, boss?
Developer 2: Just put "Upgrade" on the description or something.


Before starting with the gameplay, let's talk about the Options screen. For an options menu, it lacks of adjustable parameters for a customized, player level-fitting experience and only mentions "Controls" and "Instructions". In a good game, let's say Aero Fighters 2 and Blazing Star, there's the "How to play" right after pressing start where the game explain you the controls and basic aspects like the items. Here, it just describe everything as "Upgrade".
Well, let me explain you one by one since the jackasses who made this game went too lazy.

LIFE: This item is the 1Up of the game, which adds one extra ship to your spare ship stock. You can also get a life after reaching 30,000 points.
THRUST: Picking this item will grant you a temporary speed boost, allowing you to move faster by holding R2.
BOMBS: This is the "Missile" of the game. Like the Gradius missiles, you'll fire an air-to-ground projectile that falls diagonally. It can be upgraded twice. First upgrade increases its strength and bomb size, and the third is the Auto-Fire function as it fires automatically without tapping the Circle button.
SHIELD: This item gives you a frontal barrier that protects you from enemy fire, but not from collisions with enemies and natural obstacles.
LASER: Replaces your pea-shooter with a laser beam inflicting greater damages than your beam. It can be upgraded as a twin laser by picking the item again.
MULTI: This weapon is the Spread Shot of the game. It initially fires a 3-Way spread shot and its final upgrade is a 5-Way spread. It can be combined with the Laser for massive damages.

Keep in mind, the Bombs, Thrust, Laser, Multi and Shield are temporary weapons that will deplete after using them for a moderate period of time, so get used to the default pea-shooter all the time you're playing this game.


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Stucked on "DEFAULT".

The controls are completely basic and with no option of customizing for a more comforting configuration like "Fire with Square, Bomb with X, Thrust with Circle". At least they're smart enough to allow you to control your ship with either the Left Analog Stick or the D-Pad.



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Pick the stage!

Being able to select the stage shouldn't be a bad thing. I mean, must indie shmups grants us that option to revisit levels and unlock new ones as soon as we clear each one of them. Alpha Warrior lets us to start on any stage right out of the box. As if someone used a cheat code or something, killing 100% of any existant playability of this game.



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You can spam bombs since there's no rules in this game.

The gameplay is like I said before, a Gradius clone up to the power bar ripped off. The most annoying enemy of the game will be the floor and ceilings since there's no difference between destructible terrain (obstacles) and what's decoration. In any shmup this is visually hinted in the game, giving you chances to tell the difference and shoot at them to clear the path. There's zero strategy involved since the difficulty is unexistant, the score climbs up by just navigating the stage like in After Burner II, and the game throws you almost all the items available in a single stage. But the saddest, most pathetic thing about this game is that the enemies barely do something to attack you, including the bosses which only fires one laser frontally, then 1 diagonal shot, "Rinse and Repeat". Speaking of bosses, there's only very few bosses while the stages are these mindless void of button mashing for constant non-stop firing where the fire rate depends on how fast you tap the buttons (think about Pulstar and Blazing Star). If you have the "Level 1" bomb during the boss fight, you can spam bombs without getting hit and killing the boss with no problem.



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CONGLATURATION !!!
YOU BROKE THROUGH EVERY AREA
LET'S TRY ANYTHING ELSE WITHOUT THE VIDEO GAME


With a game made with zero efforts and trophies that can be conquered after completing the first two stages don't expect a satisfactory ending. Just a crappy congratulatory message that goes up to never be seen again.



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Welcome to Basurus Star System...Oh, it's the third time you're here.

Graphically, its terrible. Like those bad Adobe-flash games you've played on the early days of Newgrounds, and like I said before, the scenery doesn't show the difference of where you can hit and where not, making the destructible surfaces confusing. Also, it repeats the same enemies a lot of times, being the boss the few variety in the game. Speaking of repeating, the game re-utilizes the same backgrounds like three times or so, so you'll be seeing Red Planet, Space, Frozen Planet, and Desert all the 12 levels of this misery. The music is forgettable since it uses a calm techno-ambient soundtrack that doesn't bring any sense of action or suspense to the game, as if the developers just slapped music for the sake of making a game without giving a flying fuck about it.


ALPHA CURIOSITIES
- First
(and hope last) shmup from S-Mobile, breaking their habit of making reskins of their Run and Break series.



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There was nothing challenging on this game.
It was a waste of time.


Alpha Warrior is among the many, many games that have no reason to exist. Unexistent gameplay, dull graphics, moodless soundtrack, this "game" should be considered mental damage since there's too many levels of insult and humilliation that you'd definitely by asking for a refund. Paying 7 dollars for this game should be considered a steal and not a purchase. Just do yourself a favor and avoid this game.

I had to pay for this shit so you and everyone else don't have to suffer. I'd feel like if I didn't made my job right if you do so.



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This game is psychological torture in disguise.
Even Triggerheart Crueltear would cry if she played this.
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