THIS IS A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL OF INSANE
Just when I've thought the Trashfall is over, another bad game pops up. This is the "Aftermath" of Trashfall.
If bad games are what you think they are, suit up. 'Cos this time we're gonna talk Attack of the Toy Tanks.
Bringing you the worst in Toy Combat.
Before starting the game, you should remember this: You rotate the tank with the Left Stick, aim with the Right Stick, Fire with A or Right Bumper, Left Bumper moves forward and B or Left Trigger is to go on reverse. Keep in mind, moving the tank is not the regular basic stuff like any other normal game. Tank movement works by pressing left or right to make it rotate counter and clockwise. THAT's some screwed up basics, especially if we compare it with older games like let's say Konami's Jackal where you only needed to move/aim with the D-Pad and the buttons worked for the guns and grenades/missiles. Learning about these screwed up controls is REQUIRED in this game, and lemme tell ya', your patience will be pushed to its limits and beyond.
Attack of the Toy Tanks is an Arena-based tank combat shooter similar to EpiXR's Tanks series of tank combat games, where the objective is to survive a series of stages destroying the enemy thanks without dying once. In Attack of the Toy Tanks' case, the game features an evaluation from Gold to Bronze, which implies that you should do your best, but the cold fact is that the ranking system is insignificant for progression since there's no "Stage Select" so you can try again to get a better rank, making it completely linear. Also, there's only the main game, so any chances of playing in bizarre modes are unexistant. But once you begin to make progress you'll thank the game for that. While the first two levels are tricky due to the horrible controls, the rest of the game will be a nightmare that breaks into new levels of unplayability as the game drops unfair advantages to the enemies like twin or triple cannons, bouncing bullets and even bullets with curved trajectories and semi-homing. The result? A downright unfair game. Keep in mind, you don't have power ups, except for a slowdown item that occasionally drops in some stages, but the game slows your tank too, making it uneffective as a helping item. The level layout will be against you most of the times. One of the stages will enclose you in a laser fence and the tanks outside can freely move you. In a twist of irony the enemies can pass through the laser beams without being destroyed, while you can't. But most of the times you'll be watching how your tank is destroyed non stop. Not just because of the horrible controls, because of the perfect aim of the enemies, and to make things worse, this game is 60 stages long, so that fully explains why I said it will push your patience to its limits and even beyond. If you end on the bottom of the screen, consider yourself dead since you won't be able to find the triangle on the tank's circle to indicate the direction which you'll go because the wall's blocking the visibility. I could complain about the lack of bosses, but I should better thank the game for that, because if they've included them each 10 stages, players would never be able to pass them.
If the game has a reason to exist, even on the level of being a sick joke, is the Achievement/Trophy value, as you can exploit a total of 12 XBOX Achievements and 13 PlayStation Trophies, for the sake our our mental health, you only need to play up to stage 30 to get all of them.
After clearing all the 60 levels you expect an ending, right? Guess what? There's not even that. Once you get the "Level Complete" you'll be kicked back to the title screen. To put it simple, quitting the game after Stage 30 is just the same as dealing with the whole damn game.
I know who's the culpit behind this, Margaret.
At request of Margaret Whitetail, I'll do a "Judicare per Ignem" on who was responsible for this atrocity. Sadly, it's a developer who've brought us some good games along with trash throughout their existence.
Here's the [EXPLETIVE] responsible of this garbage.
Yeah, this "Who was the funny guy?" inquiry told us who to blame. Petite Games. The same Petite Games who gave us the amazing Super Destronaut DX series of games, but also trash like Inksplosion and this monstrosity of a game.
I've could also blame Ratalaika Games too, but that would be like "Killing the Messenger" since they're just the publisher and distributor.
Wherever you go, you're done for.
When it comes to graphics, the game screens "Low Budget" as we have 3D graphics that look more like they belong to the PlayStation 2-3 "Transitional Phase" or from the first XBOX, even curved objects look too "Polygonal" in some moments like the random decorations like the ring and coins. The toy-box theme is always present, and sometimes in absurd ways like the "Winter" levels which have snow splattered randomly. On a bright side, the wood textures are nicely done, filling the theme of a toybox quite well. The random color choices of the tanks gives us purple bodies with yellow turrets, giving them a Blitzwing look and green with purple like Bludgeon. Yeah, It's the "Attack of the Decepti-Freaks". I don't know why those observations right now, I guess I have too much Transformers on my mind.
The music... MY...GOD... such a repulsive anti-symphony we have. Looks like someone thought it was a good idea to put a bunch of hyperactive kids after a dose of 5 sugar bags and 10 Pepsi cans to play trumpets in an attempt to make a "Silly-yet-militaristic" cacophony that becomes extremely repetitive and irritating at the point of turning off the volume, and the whole game in the best case.
Hope we don't have to deal with trash games for a while, Nina.
I'm getting sick and tired of them.
I don't know how this game made its way to the online stores. Attack of the Toy Tanks is idiocy on its worst, a maelstrom of unplayability featuring impossible controls, unfair enemies, repetitive gameplay, repulsive music, an overall insult to everything that gaming represents.
If you had the disgrace to pick this game, just get the achievements and uninstall it, but I think avoiding it is much better than suffering from horrible controls worse than Gearshifters.
I understand how you feel, Lea.