Cave is just trolling us at this point

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cave hermit
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by cave hermit »

Cave Matsuri 2022

Half the world has died of Covid-19

All countries are under martial law

3 people show up to the event

Some random intern at cave walks out onto the stage

He pulls his pants and underwear down, jumps up on the podium, and squats

He begins grunting and making indistinct Asian noises

Something is emerging from his anus

It's "Cave Shooting Best Of Mobile" for the Nintendo Switch, a compilation of 3 of cave's java mobile releases, ported by G Mode

Intern opens the game case

There's a digital code voucher inside for the Japanese eShop and nothing else

There is something sticking out of the intern's urethra

Intern squints as he pinches the tip and pulls it out

It's a rolled up little slip of paper

Intern unrolls it and reads it

"MSRP ¥8700"

The crowd is silent

Intern suddenly starts retching

ntern pukes up a bottle filled with something white and viscous

It's robot girl loli futa semen, included only with the purchase of the special edition at ¥17,000

The crowd claps and cheers

Compilation releases a year later, 2 months after release a firmware update for the switch inadvertently makes the compilation crash on startup. Cave never releases a patch to fix this. Nintendo does not do anything about it. Not that it matters, the games in the collection have an extra 3 ms input latency so there's no point playing them over the original java mobile games on an actual Nokia.
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neon guide
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by neon guide »

Is this going to be one of those mobile games you would use to see advertised in the little flyers that came with the JP console releases of various shooters?

If so I'm very keen to get this, they always looked totally fascinating and unobtainable.
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qmish
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by qmish »

neon guide wrote:Is this going to be one of those mobile games you would use to see advertised in the little flyers that came with the JP console releases of various shooters?

If so I'm very keen to get this, they always looked totally fascinating and unobtainable.
Yeah, but this specific one is just downgraded version of DOJ. I would prefer they would port the ones that were mobile-only exclusives that nobody can obtain anymore

See viewtopic.php?f=1&t=51532
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Ms. Tea
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by Ms. Tea »

qmish wrote:
neon guide wrote:Is this going to be one of those mobile games you would use to see advertised in the little flyers that came with the JP console releases of various shooters?

If so I'm very keen to get this, they always looked totally fascinating and unobtainable.
Yeah, but this specific one is just downgraded version of DOJ. I would prefer they would port the ones that were mobile-only exclusives that nobody can obtain anymore

See viewtopic.php?f=1&t=51532
It sounds like they’re interested in doing more of those; I think they started with DOJ DX just to drum up interest. The Archives+ line is G-mode taking on other publishers’ feature phone games, and they just recently closed a big poll to gather names of things people wanted to see ported.
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qmish
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by qmish »

Then, it's "wait and see" situation.

Just hope it won't be like Degica's PC Cave releases when everyone screamed "just gimme Akai Katana / SDOJ already!" but that never happened.
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To Far Away Times
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by To Far Away Times »

cave hermit wrote:Cave Matsuri 2022

Half the world has died of Covid-19

All countries are under martial law

3 people show up to the event

Some random intern at cave walks out onto the stage

He pulls his pants and underwear down, jumps up on the podium, and squats

He begins grunting and making indistinct Asian noises

Something is emerging from his anus

It's "Cave Shooting Best Of Mobile" for the Nintendo Switch, a compilation of 3 of cave's java mobile releases, ported by G Mode

Intern opens the game case

There's a digital code voucher inside for the Japanese eShop and nothing else

There is something sticking out of the intern's urethra

Intern squints as he pinches the tip and pulls it out

It's a rolled up little slip of paper

Intern unrolls it and reads it

"MSRP ¥8700"

The crowd is silent

Intern suddenly starts retching

ntern pukes up a bottle filled with something white and viscous

It's robot girl loli futa semen, included only with the purchase of the special edition at ¥17,000

The crowd claps and cheers

Compilation releases a year later, 2 months after release a firmware update for the switch inadvertently makes the compilation crash on startup. Cave never releases a patch to fix this. Nintendo does not do anything about it. Not that it matters, the games in the collection have an extra 3 ms input latency so there's no point playing them over the original java mobile games on an actual Nokia.
I felt this in my soul. CAVE giveth and CAVE taketh away.
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Marc
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by Marc »

cave hermit wrote:Cave Matsuri 2022

Half the world has died of Covid-19

All countries are under martial law

3 people show up to the event

Some random intern at cave walks out onto the stage

He pulls his pants and underwear down, jumps up on the podium, and squats

He begins grunting and making indistinct Asian noises

Something is emerging from his anus

It's "Cave Shooting Best Of Mobile" for the Nintendo Switch, a compilation of 3 of cave's java mobile releases, ported by G Mode

Intern opens the game case

There's a digital code voucher inside for the Japanese eShop and nothing else

There is something sticking out of the intern's urethra

Intern squints as he pinches the tip and pulls it out

It's a rolled up little slip of paper

Intern unrolls it and reads it

"MSRP ¥8700"

The crowd is silent

Intern suddenly starts retching

ntern pukes up a bottle filled with something white and viscous

It's robot girl loli futa semen, included only with the purchase of the special edition at ¥17,000

The crowd claps and cheers

Compilation releases a year later, 2 months after release a firmware update for the switch inadvertently makes the compilation crash on startup. Cave never releases a patch to fix this. Nintendo does not do anything about it. Not that it matters, the games in the collection have an extra 3 ms input latency so there's no point playing them over the original java mobile games on an actual Nokia.
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XoPachi
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by XoPachi »

I'm stunned we even got Ketsui in the US for modern hardware. Personally, I want a DoDonPachi collection, you can skip DonPachi and Bee Storm. I wouldn't give a shit. Hell, I don't even need special arranges or labels.
Could just be a triple pack of DDP, DOJ, and SDOJ's original versions. I can't believe the first game has not been given a proper stand alone port since what? Playstation/Saturn?

We'll probably get their crummy gacha before any real DDP porting...
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slateman
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by slateman »

XoPachi wrote:Could just be a triple pack of DDP, DOJ, and SDOJ's original versions. I can't believe the first game has not been given a proper stand alone port since what? Playstation/Saturn?
As phenomenal as that sounds, given that THIS mobile port is what we're getting, we all know that a collection is never going to happen. It's terrible...but I've never even pondered such a compilation b/c of my ultra-low expectations.

For reference, DDP *did* get a port on Instant Brain (unless you meant DonPachi when you said "the first game.")

A collection would rule and that's why it'll never happen. :/
gray117
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by gray117 »

Cave never knew what they wanted to do with their console releases and even when they found some success with deathsmiles they had no idea why, and their market size was still tiny compared to what they wanted.

I honestly think there is more resentment and disappointment at Cave than there is pride in their shmup accomplishments.

Combine this with whatever archaic contracts were signed for past ports (I'd wager this is why doj switch is the phone version) and you've got this crazy situation where a genre leader has still minimal presence outside of its niche.

M2 have consistently attracted passionate (often ex) staff, and actively pushed publishers in some cases to fully honour past titles. They're far from flawless, but fully deserve the focus they get IMHO.
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Jaimers
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by Jaimers »

Cave swimming too much in those gacha bucks to care about anything else.
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by trap15 »

gray117 wrote:I'd wager this is why doj switch is the phone version
Is everyone just ignoring the extremely high chance that the reason this is being ported is because G-Mode asked CAVE if they could port it, and not the other way around, or am I going completely fucking insane?
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Ms. Tea
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by Ms. Tea »

trap15 wrote:
gray117 wrote:I'd wager this is why doj switch is the phone version
Is everyone just ignoring the extremely high chance that the reason this is being ported is because G-Mode asked CAVE if they could port it, and not the other way around, or am I going completely fucking insane?
Yeah, you're 100% right. No idea why everyone thinks Cave are, like, forcing G-mode to take the phone DOJ or that this is the only way any Dodonpachi port can happen. Breaking news: company that specializes in ports of phone games ported a phone game. How shocking.
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pegboy
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by pegboy »

I said it before and I'll say it again: I would rather have ports of more obscure shit like that than stuff that is easily emulated and already available on multiple platforms like arcade doj is.
Sandinista
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by Sandinista »

Any new cave port is good news as far as I can see . My ps4 is looking forward to these later this year

Deathsmiles city connection

Deathsmiles 2x city connection

Progear capcom

Dangun Feveron ( physical ) M2

Great the interest is still there :D
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caincan
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by caincan »

tiny matsuri 2021 at Tokyo video gamers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYSkLhofj2g&t=9s

guess with forbidden gaijins invites, some middleman won't lose their time shopping there for extra $ :|

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n0rtygames
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by n0rtygames »

cave hermit wrote:Everything this guy said
Dead. This is post of the year.

That's all I have to contribute to this.
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wht11
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by wht11 »

I did see this thread of for a while and did you think about the other way around? Maybe you're just trolling yourself expecting them to bring anything inspired? Not that they ever did, the actually good games are CAVE inspired, that is someone saw them as kid, seen potential and grew up to actually make something good out of the idea. Other than that they went all popular for being mainstream at their time, to few people had anything else to choose from. That's how I see it, what do you say Captain iPhoneCommander?
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bcass
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by bcass »

Do we have any concrete sales numbers for Cave's ports? I haven't been following since all the 360 ports emerged, which must have been almost a decade ago now. I vaguely recall the Japan releases having around 15,000 each on launch, not including Deathsmiles, which, according to MVCUK and Siliconera saw around 100,000 for JPN and US sales:

https://www.mcvuk.com/business-news/dea ... 000-sales/
https://www.siliconera.com/caves-deaths ... 0000-sold/

The reported numbers obviously don't include digital sales, and do not include sales in other parts of Asia and the UK/EU.

I doubt any of their other ports came close to those numbers, but they must have been profitable given the volume of ports the 360 had. If average launch numbers were around 15,000, then I'm going to guess that overall sales per title averaged around 20-30K when you factor in digital sales and budget re-releases.

Do we have any indication about Steam sales figures for the three ports on there? I've seen a lot of hearsay but nothing concrete.

To me, it looks like M2 are the best bet for getting all of Caves games onto modern systems, but with them being such a tiny company, it's probably going to take years.
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yosai
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by yosai »

Do we have any concrete sales numbers for Cave's ports?
Not quite what you were asking but these are the Google play installs.

DoDonPachi Resurrection installs 5,000+

https://play.google.com/store/apps/deta ... me.gg_1549

EspGaluda II installs 1,000+

https://play.google.com/store/apps/deta ... me.gg_1550

Edit. Links were from my Google play purchase history and don't seem to work when not logged in.
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apatheticTurd
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by apatheticTurd »

bcass wrote:Do we have any concrete sales numbers for Cave's ports?
https://sites.google.com/site/gamedatalibrary/ archives Famitsu's tracking of retail sales.

Image

Not pictured are the 5pb-published games. DoDonPachi DOJ sold 16 179 total and Ketsui 14 926 on X360 / 3 771 on PS3.
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Master O
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by Master O »

cave hermit wrote:Cave Matsuri 2022

Half the world has died of Covid-19

All countries are under martial law

3 people show up to the event

Some random intern at cave walks out onto the stage

He pulls his pants and underwear down, jumps up on the podium, and squats

He begins grunting and making indistinct Asian noises

Something is emerging from his anus

It's "Cave Shooting Best Of Mobile" for the Nintendo Switch, a compilation of 3 of cave's java mobile releases, ported by G Mode

Intern opens the game case

There's a digital code voucher inside for the Japanese eShop and nothing else

There is something sticking out of the intern's urethra

Intern squints as he pinches the tip and pulls it out

It's a rolled up little slip of paper

Intern unrolls it and reads it

"MSRP ¥8700"

The crowd is silent

Intern suddenly starts retching

ntern pukes up a bottle filled with something white and viscous

It's robot girl loli futa semen, included only with the purchase of the special edition at ¥17,000

The crowd claps and cheers

Compilation releases a year later, 2 months after release a firmware update for the switch inadvertently makes the compilation crash on startup. Cave never releases a patch to fix this. Nintendo does not do anything about it. Not that it matters, the games in the collection have an extra 3 ms input latency so there's no point playing them over the original java mobile games on an actual Nokia.
Why such a mental image?

We didn't want to know that!
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Udderdude
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by Udderdude »

Yeah we did.
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DietSoap
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by DietSoap »

apatheticTurd wrote:
bcass wrote:Do we have any concrete sales numbers for Cave's ports?
https://sites.google.com/site/gamedatalibrary/ archives Famitsu's tracking of retail sales.

Image

Not pictured are the 5pb-published games. DoDonPachi DOJ sold 16 179 total and Ketsui 14 926 on X360 / 3 771 on PS3.
God damn, Cave was making bank back in the 360 era (by shmup standards, anyways).
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bcass
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by bcass »

I wonder why the sales tailed off like that? Maybe more people were buying digital as time went on, so wouldn't be reflected in those retail figures?
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CloudyMusic
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by CloudyMusic »

bcass wrote:I wonder why the sales tailed off like that? Maybe more people were buying digital as time went on, so wouldn't be reflected in those retail figures?
Those are sorted by number of sales, not chronologically; Saidaioujou (their last game) is slightly above the average.
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Elixir
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by Elixir »

This thread is fucking hilarious and really shows how out of touch people are with the industry.
I haven't actively browsed/used this forum in many years and it's no longer an accurate representation of me.

I have retired from genre-specific content creation after 13 years, but I'll always love this little genre in my own personal way.
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Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point

Post by chempop »

Elixir wrote:...the industry.
$300 used cardboard boxes.

What's not to get?
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