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 Post subject: Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point
PostPosted: Tue Apr 27, 2021 3:23 pm 


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Joined: 07 Sep 2013
Posts: 1483
Location: Pennsylvania
Cave Matsuri 2022

Half the world has died of Covid-19

All countries are under martial law

3 people show up to the event

Some random intern at cave walks out onto the stage

He pulls his pants and underwear down, jumps up on the podium, and squats

He begins grunting and making indistinct Asian noises

Something is emerging from his anus

It's "Cave Shooting Best Of Mobile" for the Nintendo Switch, a compilation of 3 of cave's java mobile releases, ported by G Mode

Intern opens the game case

There's a digital code voucher inside for the Japanese eShop and nothing else

There is something sticking out of the intern's urethra

Intern squints as he pinches the tip and pulls it out

It's a rolled up little slip of paper

Intern unrolls it and reads it

"MSRP ¥8700"

The crowd is silent

Intern suddenly starts retching

ntern pukes up a bottle filled with something white and viscous

It's robot girl loli futa semen, included only with the purchase of the special edition at ¥17,000

The crowd claps and cheers

Compilation releases a year later, 2 months after release a firmware update for the switch inadvertently makes the compilation crash on startup. Cave never releases a patch to fix this. Nintendo does not do anything about it. Not that it matters, the games in the collection have an extra 3 ms input latency so there's no point playing them over the original java mobile games on an actual Nokia.
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 Post subject: Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point
PostPosted: Tue Apr 27, 2021 7:17 pm 


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Is this going to be one of those mobile games you would use to see advertised in the little flyers that came with the JP console releases of various shooters?

If so I'm very keen to get this, they always looked totally fascinating and unobtainable.


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 Post subject: Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point
PostPosted: Tue Apr 27, 2021 7:34 pm 


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neon guide wrote:
Is this going to be one of those mobile games you would use to see advertised in the little flyers that came with the JP console releases of various shooters?

If so I'm very keen to get this, they always looked totally fascinating and unobtainable.


Yeah, but this specific one is just downgraded version of DOJ. I would prefer they would port the ones that were mobile-only exclusives that nobody can obtain anymore

See viewtopic.php?f=1&t=51532
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 Post subject: Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point
PostPosted: Tue Apr 27, 2021 8:12 pm 



Joined: 29 Jul 2013
Posts: 98
qmish wrote:
neon guide wrote:
Is this going to be one of those mobile games you would use to see advertised in the little flyers that came with the JP console releases of various shooters?

If so I'm very keen to get this, they always looked totally fascinating and unobtainable.


Yeah, but this specific one is just downgraded version of DOJ. I would prefer they would port the ones that were mobile-only exclusives that nobody can obtain anymore

See viewtopic.php?f=1&t=51532


It sounds like they’re interested in doing more of those; I think they started with DOJ DX just to drum up interest. The Archives+ line is G-mode taking on other publishers’ feature phone games, and they just recently closed a big poll to gather names of things people wanted to see ported.


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 Post subject: Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point
PostPosted: Tue Apr 27, 2021 8:38 pm 


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Posts: 1436
Then, it's "wait and see" situation.

Just hope it won't be like Degica's PC Cave releases when everyone screamed "just gimme Akai Katana / SDOJ already!" but that never happened.
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 Post subject: Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point
PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2021 2:45 am 


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Posts: 723
cave hermit wrote:
Cave Matsuri 2022

Half the world has died of Covid-19

All countries are under martial law

3 people show up to the event

Some random intern at cave walks out onto the stage

He pulls his pants and underwear down, jumps up on the podium, and squats

He begins grunting and making indistinct Asian noises

Something is emerging from his anus

It's "Cave Shooting Best Of Mobile" for the Nintendo Switch, a compilation of 3 of cave's java mobile releases, ported by G Mode

Intern opens the game case

There's a digital code voucher inside for the Japanese eShop and nothing else

There is something sticking out of the intern's urethra

Intern squints as he pinches the tip and pulls it out

It's a rolled up little slip of paper

Intern unrolls it and reads it

"MSRP ¥8700"

The crowd is silent

Intern suddenly starts retching

ntern pukes up a bottle filled with something white and viscous

It's robot girl loli futa semen, included only with the purchase of the special edition at ¥17,000

The crowd claps and cheers

Compilation releases a year later, 2 months after release a firmware update for the switch inadvertently makes the compilation crash on startup. Cave never releases a patch to fix this. Nintendo does not do anything about it. Not that it matters, the games in the collection have an extra 3 ms input latency so there's no point playing them over the original java mobile games on an actual Nokia.


I felt this in my soul. CAVE giveth and CAVE taketh away.
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 Post subject: Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point
PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2021 7:21 am 


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cave hermit wrote:
Cave Matsuri 2022

Half the world has died of Covid-19

All countries are under martial law

3 people show up to the event

Some random intern at cave walks out onto the stage

He pulls his pants and underwear down, jumps up on the podium, and squats

He begins grunting and making indistinct Asian noises

Something is emerging from his anus

It's "Cave Shooting Best Of Mobile" for the Nintendo Switch, a compilation of 3 of cave's java mobile releases, ported by G Mode

Intern opens the game case

There's a digital code voucher inside for the Japanese eShop and nothing else

There is something sticking out of the intern's urethra

Intern squints as he pinches the tip and pulls it out

It's a rolled up little slip of paper

Intern unrolls it and reads it

"MSRP ¥8700"

The crowd is silent

Intern suddenly starts retching

ntern pukes up a bottle filled with something white and viscous

It's robot girl loli futa semen, included only with the purchase of the special edition at ¥17,000

The crowd claps and cheers

Compilation releases a year later, 2 months after release a firmware update for the switch inadvertently makes the compilation crash on startup. Cave never releases a patch to fix this. Nintendo does not do anything about it. Not that it matters, the games in the collection have an extra 3 ms input latency so there's no point playing them over the original java mobile games on an actual Nokia.


You win the internet this week :lol: :lol: :lol:
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 Post subject: Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point
PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2021 12:05 pm 


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Joined: 03 May 2012
Posts: 542
I'm stunned we even got Ketsui in the US for modern hardware. Personally, I want a DoDonPachi collection, you can skip DonPachi and Bee Storm. I wouldn't give a shit. Hell, I don't even need special arranges or labels.
Could just be a triple pack of DDP, DOJ, and SDOJ's original versions. I can't believe the first game has not been given a proper stand alone port since what? Playstation/Saturn?

We'll probably get their crummy gacha before any real DDP porting...


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 Post subject: Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point
PostPosted: Sat May 01, 2021 8:07 pm 


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Joined: 17 Feb 2005
Posts: 110
XoPachi wrote:
Could just be a triple pack of DDP, DOJ, and SDOJ's original versions. I can't believe the first game has not been given a proper stand alone port since what? Playstation/Saturn?


As phenomenal as that sounds, given that THIS mobile port is what we're getting, we all know that a collection is never going to happen. It's terrible...but I've never even pondered such a compilation b/c of my ultra-low expectations.

For reference, DDP *did* get a port on Instant Brain (unless you meant DonPachi when you said "the first game.")

A collection would rule and that's why it'll never happen. :/
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 Post subject: Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point
PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2021 12:09 am 



Joined: 25 Jul 2008
Posts: 1129
Location: Leeds
Cave never knew what they wanted to do with their console releases and even when they found some success with deathsmiles they had no idea why, and their market size was still tiny compared to what they wanted.

I honestly think there is more resentment and disappointment at Cave than there is pride in their shmup accomplishments.

Combine this with whatever archaic contracts were signed for past ports (I'd wager this is why doj switch is the phone version) and you've got this crazy situation where a genre leader has still minimal presence outside of its niche.

M2 have consistently attracted passionate (often ex) staff, and actively pushed publishers in some cases to fully honour past titles. They're far from flawless, but fully deserve the focus they get IMHO.


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 Post subject: Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point
PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2021 1:34 am 


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Posts: 528
Cave swimming too much in those gacha bucks to care about anything else.
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 Post subject: Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point
PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2021 2:30 am 


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gray117 wrote:
I'd wager this is why doj switch is the phone version

Is everyone just ignoring the extremely high chance that the reason this is being ported is because G-Mode asked CAVE if they could port it, and not the other way around, or am I going completely fucking insane?
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 Post subject: Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point
PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2021 6:51 pm 



Joined: 29 Jul 2013
Posts: 98
trap15 wrote:
gray117 wrote:
I'd wager this is why doj switch is the phone version

Is everyone just ignoring the extremely high chance that the reason this is being ported is because G-Mode asked CAVE if they could port it, and not the other way around, or am I going completely fucking insane?


Yeah, you're 100% right. No idea why everyone thinks Cave are, like, forcing G-mode to take the phone DOJ or that this is the only way any Dodonpachi port can happen. Breaking news: company that specializes in ports of phone games ported a phone game. How shocking.


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 Post subject: Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point
PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2021 8:00 pm 



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Posts: 798
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I said it before and I'll say it again: I would rather have ports of more obscure shit like that than stuff that is easily emulated and already available on multiple platforms like arcade doj is.
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 Post subject: Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point
PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2021 8:17 am 



Joined: 10 Apr 2021
Posts: 3
Any new cave port is good news as far as I can see . My ps4 is looking forward to these later this year

Deathsmiles city connection

Deathsmiles 2x city connection

Progear capcom

Dangun Feveron ( physical ) M2

Great the interest is still there :D


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 Post subject: Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point
PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2021 8:25 pm 


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Joined: 16 Aug 2005
Posts: 382
Location: France,South
tiny matsuri 2021 at Tokyo video gamers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYSkLhofj2g&t=9s

guess with forbidden gaijins invites, some middleman won't lose their time shopping there for extra $ :|

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 Post subject: Re: Cave is just trolling us at this point
PostPosted: Thu May 06, 2021 5:54 pm 


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Posts: 1000
cave hermit wrote:
Everything this guy said


Dead. This is post of the year.

That's all I have to contribute to this.


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