Amusingly bad reviews

[Sumez]

I'm afraid of watching that. I probably should just skip it.

[copy-paster]

.

[copy-paster]

AVGN Taito Legends 1 and 2 review

I'm sorry I've been your fan for years but this one just, not good as I hoped. Fuck Screenwave writers though.

[Sumez]

My post above was a response to copy-paster's link which has now time travelled

[copy-paster]

His Darius games comments seems genuine from James himself, whereas others are obviously scripted by Screenwave writers.

[Sumez]

Everything in that video sounds like something he'd say.

In fact this video shows an almost shocking lack of research compared to how much he's shaped up in that aspect over the past year or so. He's covering some pretty famous arcade games, and I get that acting oblivious about them is pretty central to the character, but it also feels pretty genuine to the point where it misses out on some interesting details that could have improved the video.

[xxx1993]

Well, at least he liked Operation Thunderbolt and Elevator Action Returns.

[Udderdude]

His Darius games comments seems genuine from James himself, whereas others are obviously scripted by Screenwave writers.

Nope. It's Screenwave writers all the way down.

Too bad they didn't cover Pulirula. That one got removed from the NA version.

[BIL]

Elevator Action Returns.

Everybody likes EAR. If you don't, you've just been exposed as a 4D Lizardman From Glasgow, enjoy the torture cubicle you godless green fuck (■｀W´■)

[Jeneki]

At least he points out that stretching tate games to hori fullscreen is dumb.

[copy-paster]

Everything in that video sounds like something he'd say.

In fact this video shows an almost shocking lack of research compared to how much he's shaped up in that aspect over the past year or so. He's covering some pretty famous arcade games, and I get that acting oblivious about them is pretty central to the character, but it also feels pretty genuine to the point where it misses out on some interesting details that could have improved the video.

Keep in mind that newer AVGN episodes are written by some Screenwave guys, not James.

[xxx1993]

Elevator Action Returns.

Everybody likes EAR. If you don't, you've just been exposed as a 4D Lizardman From Glasgow, enjoy the torture cubicle you godless green fuck (■｀W´■)

That game does kick lots of ass. Not to mention it has some very memorable quotes (which I should add to the video game sentences in this forum) like Kurt saying, “You’re taking this pretty seriously!” and “I’ll get you next time!” Or Edie saying, “Bakamitai...” in a cute anime girl voice. Or how about Jad saying, “I’m gonna get you, sucker!” and “You’re some mean mother!” And Red Suit often declaring, “Crush the old order and create a new society!”

[BIL]

My favourite quote, and tbh I'm not sure if I didn't imagine it, is Red Suit's mocking, audibly pained "Aim carefully..." after he's taken a few slugs in the final showdown. Crazy motherfucker.

[Sengoku Strider]

At least Violence Fight will finally get the attention it has so richly deserved for so long. I played the crap out of that game when my local convenience store had the coin op, and it is indeed hilarious. He didn't even cover my favourite profile:



Lucky they added that (hands) in the brackets like that or I would've had no idea what was going on.

[xxx1993]

My favourite quote, and tbh I'm not sure if I didn't imagine it, is Red Suit's mocking, audibly pained "Aim carefully..." after he's taken a few slugs in the final showdown. Crazy motherfucker.

Not to mention him going "YES! THAT'S THE WAY!" whenever he gets hit. It almost reminds me of Gray Fox from Metal Gear Solid yelling, "HURT ME MORE!" or Roy Batty from Blade Runner shouting, "GOOD! THAT'S THE SPIRIT!"

[Sturmvogel Prime]

Calling RayStorm "Mediocre" is unacceptable.

Bye AVGN, it was fun to see his reviews all this time, but for me, the AVGN died with that commentary.

[BIL]

My favourite quote, and tbh I'm not sure if I didn't imagine it, is Red Suit's mocking, audibly pained "Aim carefully..." after he's taken a few slugs in the final showdown. Crazy motherfucker.

Not to mention him going "YES! THAT'S THE WAY!" whenever he gets hit. It almost reminds me of Gray Fox from Metal Gear Solid yelling, "HURT ME MORE!" or Roy Batty from Blade Runner shouting, "GOOD! THAT'S THE SPIRIT!"

Hell yeah. It's been a while since my last EAR clear, but that's exactly the stuff I mean.

Calling RayStorm "Mediocre" is unacceptable.

Bye AVGN, it was fun to see his reviews all this time, but for me, the AVGN died with that commentary.

Ever see he and Mike's NES Contra co-op attempt, from a few years back? These guys are casuals. Civilians. Assclowns! And I say that with all fondness. Mike's so disabled, he blows his last three lives doing headers into the same proximity-triggered flamethrower, as if its genocidal BURN THEM. BURN THEM ALL code was going to take pity on him. Yowling "I CANT DO ANYTHING" each time, like a 150lbs lighter and less balding DSP. (they did just about manage NES Super Contra, with its simplified stage layouts, bless 'em)

These aren't guys who'll be able to discern anything about arcade-modelled games, beyond the most universally hideous or sublime (EAR). Raystorm, pff. Unassuming, AND ass-raping, AND saddled with awkward 2.5D. Put them in front of DDP with its buttery-smooth handling and euphoric firepower, and you'll hear an approving "OH WAAAOW, SHOOTY BANG BANG SHIP GO BOOM THEN STARS COME OUT, LOL I CANT BELIEVE WE DODGED ALL THOSE BULLETS" Doesn't mean they know WTF they're talking about any more than... I dunno, what other incidentally STG-adjacent people can we inexplicably consult for meaningful commentary? eBay scalpers? "Lol hehe yeh mate! Garegga is simply the best-designed shootie out there, in my opinion. When I reached stage 3 and heard the pumping club tunes (kind of like Streets of Rage 2!), I just knew it was a Saturn essential at any price. My letters? No, mate, I don't recall it having letters, just te spine and reg? Its all minty no worries!"

OMFG, HOW FACILE, I'M NEVER BUYING FROM VG_CUNT_69 EVER AGAIN!!! :O Nah he cool. Different people serve different needs. TDLR: Lol calm down, AVGN was always retarded at best.

Spoiler

^^^ now that is kinema

Well, I got presents to buy. You believe my youngest's are graduatin' this year? Alright, I'll talk to ya later.

Spoiler

[Udderdude]

Ah, pining for the good ol' days. https://youtu.be/7M2U27OUnig?t=127

[BIL]

YA BUNNY-FUCKIN' BITCH

Classic elucidation of the beltscroller ethos. *getting spit-roasted by textbook Technos Pincer* You're brown bread. You're not comin' back. YOU CANT FUCK WITH THIS GAME

<5mins, full of high-impact sexual violence, too console-centric and concise for any real bloviation to ensue. Like another century. ;-;

[Iori Branford]

Calling RayStorm "Mediocre" is unacceptable.

It does lack a little something compared to Rayforce, Darius Gaiden or G-Darius. It's like you can feel the developers' "meh" after Rayforce 2 got shitcanned.

[xxx1993]

By the way, you guys realize that Mike Matei has been playing a ton of shmups lately, right?

[BIL]

Well that changes everything. I hope he plays AERO FIGHTERS FOR SUPER NINTENDO that one always brings in the clicks. The dolphin frying the plane lmao



I remember him giving some very decent coverage to The Guardian Legend, Gunnac and Space Megaforce, IIRC even twigging that they were all by the same developer. It's a not insignificant degree of insight, by Youtube jokeman standards! Particularly with even their JP versions lacking any externally unifying labels. You wouldn't believe how often I see Zanac Neo called "A LOVE LETTER TO BLAZING LAZERS," I have to choke back the murderous rage

[copy-paster]

Calling RayStorm "Mediocre" is unacceptable.

It does lack a little something compared to Rayforce, Darius Gaiden or G-Darius. It's like you can feel the developers' "meh" after Rayforce 2 got shitcanned.

Yeah Raystorm doesn't age really well to me. The 3D graphics are odd and there's no real tell whether the enemies you face are on the air or ground.

[xxx1993]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_dnk7uSXq8

Oh look, Mike's streaming Border Down.

[Cagar]

-

[Rastan78]

https://www.nintendolife.com/news/2020/ ... e_business

From nintendolife's review of the Astro City Mini by Damien McFerran. Casually dismisses most of Sega's classic arcade catalogue as badly balanced and unbeatable without credit feeding. Bc the games are too hard for him to play without practicing or learning patterns they're unfair and badly designed quarter munchers lol. "Some" of them can be 1cc'd though. Lol At least he does get the general concept of playing with one credit.

Man, that separate Astro City style joystick looks nice though. Probably sold out super fast. Wonder if they're compatible with Switch or PS4.

There's another issue here which, for many arcade fans, won't be an issue. These games are obviously made with the coin-op market in mind, and, as such, they're focused on getting you to insert as many credits as possible, thereby making the operator revenue. The end result is a series of games which, more often than not, are balanced in a way which encourages you to keep on paying money – but, because you're not playing in an actual arcade, you can happily credit-feed to your heart's content. This unbalances a lot of the games because even when you fail you can just continue regardless; if you're keen to extract maximum value for money you'll want to set yourself strict credit targets. It is possible to "git gud" and "one-credit complete" some of these games, but it's amazing how many of them resort to cheap tactics to kill you. Suffice to say, the art of balancing games for arcade play is totally different from balancing them for domestic use (take the arcade ESWAT as an example; it's a painfully cheap experience built around feeding credits, while the totally different Mega Drive version is more forgiving and rewards skilful play).

[BIL]

if you're keen to extract maximum value for money you'll want to set yourself strict credit targets.

A passion for arcade gaming works wonders too

[Rastan78]

I was lucky enough to see a guy wreck Altered Beast in the arcade on 1 credit back in the day when I was really young. I remember being actually intimidated just to be in the arcade bc most of the people in there were much older and somewhat resembled the enemies in Final Fight. But my mind was blown. I had played AB a bunch of times at a bowling alley and never gotten past Stage 2 lol. That guy probably permanently disabused me of any idea that arcade games were unfair or balanced around credit feeding.

I think the only game that on first impression ever made me question if it was doable or just downright cheap and unfair was Smash TV.

[BIL]

I remember being actually intimidated just to be in the arcade bc most of the people in there were much older and somewhat resembled the enemies in Final Fight.

The quintessential arcade kid's eye view.

I think the crux of quality arcade gaming is short duration + long-term mastery. You most definitely have to spend money (virtual or otherwise) getting that first clear, it's just the business model. But there's a world of difference between a hard game with the design nous and charm to keep you coming back and improving your performance, and an unlikable credit-eater offering nothing beyond spectacle (the sort I'm sure most here would decline to see through in the first place). It's not some universal principle that all these games become worthless once you've seen their duration.

I can 1LC Metal Slug 3 all day and night, I think I'd rather jump on a dick than loop Haunted Castle more than a couple times every other year.

[BIL]

My favourite quote, and tbh I'm not sure if I didn't imagine it, is Red Suit's mocking, audibly pained "Aim carefully..." after he's taken a few slugs in the final showdown. Crazy motherfucker.

Not to mention him going "YES! THAT'S THE WAY!" whenever he gets hit. It almost reminds me of Gray Fox from Metal Gear Solid yelling, "HURT ME MORE!" or Roy Batty from Blade Runner shouting, "GOOD! THAT'S THE SPIRIT!"

Hell yeah. It's been a while since my last EAR clear, but that's exactly the stuff I mean.

I can't believe I forgot to mention Cam Clarke's Liquid Snake, and his insanely malevolent "NICE SHOT!" when you crack him good at the end of MGS1! :O The gold standard of Badass Insane Rival performances imo, especially as he typically responds by belting the living shit out of Snake in return.

"From this height... the fall will kill even you." *FALLS OFF, DOESN'T DIE*