Amusingly bad reviews

[TrevHead (TVR)]

cats > shmups nuff said

[mrsmiley381]

cats > shmups nuff said

I'm allergic to cats to the point where I feel like I'm dying when near one. So if cats are better than shmups, I've got a real problem because I have a dozen or more shmups in this room right now. Either I'm allergic to those too or I'm going to be disappointed with how bad they are.

The only good shmup review is a Xoxak Pro Review, but everyone knows that already.

[BrianC]

cats > shmups nuff said

or you could just play Zero Wing and get the best of both worlds.

[TrevHead (TVR)]

cats > shmups nuff said

or you could just play Zero Wing and get the best of both worlds.

Or Steam Hearts (I really should play that game)

[Treasurance]

The only good shmup review is a Xoxak Pro Review, but everyone knows that already.

Can't take seriously someone who tells me to "go play Mars Matrix"

[captpain]

The only good shmup review is a Xoxak Pro Review, but everyone knows that already.

Can't take seriously someone who tells me to "go play Mars Matrix"

I'm not entirely sure he's too worried about people taking him seriously.

[TrevHead (TVR)]

(since mars matrix has poped up, ill take this opertunity to witter on about it, even though no one really cares)

Actually I really like the game myself personally. It has chaining but compared to DDPs rigid chaining, MM is practically freestyle and allot of fun to plan out chaining routes. Too bad I suck at it even though ive been playing it for the past 3 or 4 weeks. Ive just finished learning stages 5 and 6 including the bosses. Im now playing fun runs, improving (v slowly) the more I do it.

As someone who needs to spend 4-8 weeks to 1CC a medium difficulty arcade shmup (30- 90 mins nearlly every day). Im really green with envy of all the skilled shmuppers out there who can 1CC an arcade shmup in less then a week or start posting scores on a highscore thread and quickly shooting to the top beating us mere mortals who might of spent ages to get a decent score

[Special World]

Mars Matrix is the bees knees. Best non-Cave scrolling shooter by a mile, and best shooter overall after Futari Black Label, imo.

The Dreamcast version is fucking sublime.

[esreveR]

I wish I understood all this about Mars Matrix

[mrsmiley381]

Mars Matrix is the bees knees. Best non-Cave scrolling shooter by a mile, and best shooter overall after Futari Black Label, imo.

The Dreamcast version is fucking sublime.

I feel the same way about the Dreamcast version. It's sexy.

Going back to the topic of bad reviews and reviews in general, what can we do? The reviews will always be bad. No one understands the mechanics of any shmup and modern gamers have no attention span (generalizations, generalizations everywhere) so it's almost a no-win situation. When a new shmup comes out we discuss it here, right? That's where you get real answers from real people who actually play these games.

And I appreciate the Xoxak Pro Reviews for their gloriously absurd content, though they make an awful lot of sense.

[TrevHead (TVR)]

Personally I think shmup reviews have gotten alittle bit better recently atleast for some of them. which is allot beeter then before when the genral concensus was that shmups (and its fans) were something bad altogether, put in a simlar bracket as H visual novels or rape sims, and are a relic of the past that needed to die. Theres still reviewers out there that think along the same lines, but not everybody which is a really good thing as many writers take note in what their peers think, so to keep in tune with current gaming fashoins and trends.

Im unsure as to how much of a impact in the industry shmup fans can have, but imo its isnt all to do with Cave and their iphone ports. I believe shmup fans who rant in threads such as this (industry types do visit here) or go out into the wider www and make a noise really do have an impact in educating reviewers and the wider gaming industry atleast.

[Thjodbjorn]

... or rape sims, a relic of the past that needed to die.

Good God, relic of WHAT past?!

And holy crap, those Xoxak videos made my day. I usually don't enjoy "nerd humor", but those were just hilarious.

[TrevHead (TVR)]

I was talking about shmups been a relic, not rape sims which I hope arnt a relic of the past (shuddder)

[captpain]

... or rape sims, a relic of the past that needed to die.

Good God, relic of WHAT past?!

And holy crap, those Xoxak videos made my day. I usually don't enjoy "nerd humor", but those were just hilarious.

That's because they aren't stereotypical "nerd humor", but are actually creative!

[incognoscente]

not rape sims which I hope arnt a relic of the past

Hahahahaha.

Hahahahahaha.

Ha.



That's funny.

[Special World]

Post reviews wherever you think they'll be seen, even if it's just somewhere simple like GameFAQs. If you want them to be seen by the general public, posting them here isn't likely to net you any new blood. Just keep playing shooters, and don't scare somebody away if they seem interested. People here seem to get really mad when somebody isn't playing for score, but that type of self betterment comes with time.

If you happen to get a job with a major review site, though, rep scrolling shooters as hard as you can. Without hating on everything else, of course. I don't think many people would respond well to an article titled "Mario is Fucking Shit, Play Mars Matrix."

[mrsmiley381]

"Mario is Fucking Shit, Play Mars Matrix."

You know, I wanted to say that there was something wrong with that statement and that you're right about not using it as a review title, but then I realized Mario could be hallucinating, and he is a plumber, so he could presently be fucking shit especially if he thinks it's the princess.

I am also biased because I was just playing Mars Matrix.

[Special World]

In a perfect world, everyone would have that same bias.

[ShmupSamurai]

*sigh*Still looks like there's only two things a shmuper can be sure of in life;

Bullet storms and more shitty writen shmup reviews by the masses who continue to treat us like 'unicorns' and 'dragons'.

[Hair]

http://www.gamefaqs.com/saturn/198389-r ... view-65471

http://www.gamefaqs.com/saturn/575993-l ... view-65472

I know RS isn't everyone's cup of tea, but this is just silly. Layer Section 2 (not the awesome original) is really the best RS-killer he could come up with?

[Despatche]

Review 1 isn't bad, except for the part where he mentions how the 10s are unnecessary because said reviewers are keeping in mind what the game was actually made for. Of course, he then basically does the same thing in review 2. Review 1 probably focused on the price, review 2 sounds like hardcore nostalgia. +1/-1.

I think we also need an "amazingly good reviews" thread.

[Special World]

I think we also need an "amazingly good reviews" thread.

I agree. I would love to see some damned good reviews. It's hard with scrolling shooters, because it's usually too much or too little. It's hard to capture why a lot of these games are so great without bogging your review down with too many technical details. On the other end of the spectrum, you'll get reviews like these.

[TrevHead (TVR)]

For out elitist enjoyment here's a new review of Strania to lol over. http://www.destructoid.com/review-stran ... 8826.phtml

[stryc9]

For out elitist enjoyment here's a new review of Strania to lol over. http://www.destructoid.com/review-stran ... 8826.phtml

1st Elitist Response: What a dumb shit.

Seriously though, this bloke flukes a couple of valid points like the lack of victory jingle and.... umm thats about it actually. Yeah OK I agree that the weapon system can be annoying but the game was obviously designed to be that way, it harks back to the good old 16 bit days. Part of a skilled run is avoiding the power up combinations that will get you killed.

What got me laughing is that the guy just has no clue about videogame music.
The soundtrack to Strania in my opinion is exceptional, stage 2 track feels like an anthem that the game wears like a badge of honour representing the genre.
It's that cool.

He hasn't grasped the concept of the SFX either cos their fine. What is this jackass expecting, COD gun effects while you hold down fire? Nah pretty sure that shits intentional too, as muted fire sfx for your guns are present in most shooters these days cos no one wants the same repetitive sound in their ears for hours and hours.

The most valid critisism this game deserves - the lack of Reply mode - is not even mentioned IIRC.

[adversity1]

Yeah that Destructoid review is one of the worst shooter reviews I've seen yet.

[Blackbird]

I guess what frustrates me most about seeing bad reviews like this is that I don't think the genre has had an opportunity to showcase the best that it has to offer to the west. It's being unfairly represented.

We get a lot of the mid-tier and budget shooters. However, many of what are in my opinion the greatest shooting games, like DoDonPachi DaiOuJou, Ketsui, and Under Defeat, aren't localized in the west, or generally extremely hard to come by without seeking them out. I feel the tone and gameplay of these titles would appeal more to a western audience compared to bizarre stuff like the loli-centric Deathsmiles, and the extremely Japanese Guwange. I swear, I feel like sometimes the Japanese developers are intentionally choosing to release the titles that are, aesthetically, the -most- foreign to a western audience.

Under Defeat looks amazing, sounds amazing, plays classic, and it's about an alternate history of WWII. As we've seen in the past few years, the mainstream -loves- WWII. There is no damned excuse, period, for G.Rev to delay releasing it on XBox Live/360. I honestly feel like Western gamers would eat this game up if they gave it a chance.

Look at how well Espgaluda and DFK have been received on iPhones. These titles have themes more familiar to a western audience, and they blow most other offerings out of the water in production values and gameplay.

[Sumez]

What he just said

(of course, I love both DS and Guwange, but that doesn't make the point invalid)

[Sumez]

Not a review, but equally if not more stupid.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAJwvKFkEgk

Fucking idiot wannabe. hahaha "theres a lot of COD clones out there"

To be fair, he seems quite excited about the game!

[Paradigm]

What got me laughing is that the guy just has no clue about videogame music.

It's personal taste. I don't think Strania has particularly good music either.

[Wonderbanana]

What got me laughing is that the guy just has no clue about videogame music.

It's personal taste. I don't think Strania has particularly good music either.

I don't think it's that great a game now tbh either. It is cheap though which is a +.