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 Post subject: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 3:01 pm 



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No doubt it will have been well discussed here how badly some mainstream reviewers do when faced with the problem of critiquing shmups. I haven't been here long, but the "Why is Ikaruga..." thread, for one, touches on this.

However I recently came upon this review - http://www.gamecritics.com/node/3231 - which actually made me laugh. Has anyone else got any good examples of bad reviews?

Sorry if this has been posted before.
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 3:25 pm 


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That DeathSmiles review by that chick is certainly coming to mind...
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 3:27 pm 


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http://www.gamefaqs.com/xbox360/945315- ... iew-142437
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 3:27 pm 


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Elixir wrote:
http://www.gamefaqs.com/xbox360/945315-ketsui-kizuna-jigoku-tachi-extra/reviews/review-142437

This has to be a troll..


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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 3:29 pm 


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Elixir wrote:
http://www.gamefaqs.com/xbox360/945315-ketsui-kizuna-jigoku-tachi-extra/reviews/review-142437


Man, that has to be a joke.
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 4:13 pm 


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pooch wrote:
However I recently came upon this review - http://www.gamecritics.com/node/3231 - which actually made me laugh. Has anyone else got any good examples of bad reviews?


Ha, I actually know Brad Gallaway. I'm going to have to ask him about this one.
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 4:20 pm 



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Theres plenty of shocking reviews for shiki 3 .
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 6:06 pm 


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I've been looking for a long time now for X-Play's old review of "Mobile Light Force 2" when it came out. I didn't know a whole lot about shmups then, but even then I knew the review was full of shit. They made a bunch of lame jokes about the "unused" portions of the screen, and ended up giving it a 1 out of 5.


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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 6:56 pm 


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Some people might find this amusing. Others might not.
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 7:09 pm 


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MathU wrote:
Some people might find this amusing. Others might not.


I remember that review and they're complaints about value and "nickle and dime"-ing. It caused me to write a section on the DLC in my own review
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 7:44 pm 



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Serious reviews like the one in the OP usually just give me a panic attack. I'm nerding too hard to laugh at that kind of thing when I'm thinking about shmups.


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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 9:08 pm 


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pooch wrote:
No doubt it will have been well discussed here how badly some mainstream reviewers do when faced with the problem of critiquing shmups. I haven't been here long, but the "Why is Ikaruga..." thread, for one, touches on this.

However I recently came upon this review - http://www.gamecritics.com/node/3231 - which actually made me laugh. Has anyone else got any good examples of bad reviews?

Sorry if this has been posted before.


That review was absurd. That guy should be drug out in the street and shot.
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 9:36 pm 


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MathU wrote:
Some people might find this amusing. Others might not.

Not amusing, just sad.


And the link that Elixir posted just screams troll. Come on, he got a used japanese 360 just to play Ketsui: Kizuna Jigoku Tachi Extra(yes he spelled it correctly), the very same person who describes space invaders a 1990 DOS game? Please tell me such a person doesn't exist.
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 9:40 pm 


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Much like music reviews, a paid writer reviewing games (lets hope they aren't paid too much) isn't going to be an accurate voice except for the genres they're knowledgeable in. When it comes to shmups, I'd say 100% of these tools don't know a damn thing.

User reviews are what I tend to read, if any at all. I buy games I want, if they end up kind of sucking, oh well. I don't buy shit off allowance anymore, who cares about being that picky you'd listen to a review.


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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 9:52 pm 


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^^Of course most of them don't have a clue. But sometimes it's still very surprising how they manage to be absolutly blind about a game's underlying features. For god's sake they're paid exactly to find that out and rate it! lolz
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 9:54 pm 


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Can I be the one to point out that the review the OP linked to is nearly a decade old? Plus we are not the target audience of GameCritics. You can never expect a review of a niche product to talk to that niche unless it's a niche review site. That doesn't mean you won't get a good review from a mainstream site, just not one that is going to speak to you.
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 9:58 pm 



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njiska wrote:
Can I be the one to point out that the review the OP linked to is nearly a decade old?


And?

Go back two decades and you'll still find people who knew how to review games.

The reviewer in the OP is only making himself look stupid with his "I can't do it therefore it's impossible" attitude.
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 10:32 pm 


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Ah, found the X-Play Mobile Light Force 2 review, sadly the video is no longer on the site:
http://g4tv.com/games/ps2/15330/mobile- ... -2/review/


Also for good measure, here's a video of their Raiden III review:
http://g4tv.com/videos/16425/Raiden-III-Review/

Both reviews horrible.


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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Fri Oct 01, 2010 10:50 pm 


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To be fair, he did make sure to get the opinion of a 5-year old, which is generally what I'm looking for in a review.


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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 5:21 am 


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HAHA!

I had a really good laugh at this part! :

Quote:
Shooter fans can easily find a better example of a shooter than Giga Wing 2.While the Dreamcast's library is a little light on the genre, the PlayStation is home to more than a few quality gems and any of the older 16-bit systems had a wealth of them.


The Dreamcast is light on shooters?? News to me.
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 10:44 am 


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Quote:
the Dreamcast is light on shooters?? News to me.



Clearly downwatered ports beats the crap out of what the Dreamcast offers.


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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 12:15 pm 


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pooch wrote:
No doubt it will have been well discussed here how badly some mainstream reviewers do when faced with the problem of critiquing shmups. I haven't been here long, but the "Why is Ikaruga..." thread, for one, touches on this.

However I recently came upon this review - http://www.gamecritics.com/node/3231 - which actually made me laugh. Has anyone else got any good examples of bad reviews?

Sorry if this has been posted before.


Lol, ol' Brad Gallaway again - I said he was the worlds worst mainstream reviewer just the other day in fact. Clueless.

That Ketsui one made me LMAO. :)
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 1:27 pm 


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drunkninja24 wrote:
Also for good measure, here's a video of their Raiden III review:
http://g4tv.com/videos/16425/Raiden-III-Review/



Hahahahaha. That was great.
"What are you supposed to do? Turn the TV on its side?"
Yes! Good job not knowing anything about the genre of game you are reviewing.

I seem to remember an X-Play review many years ago where they complained that a shmup was too easy because you can just keep continuing and beat it on the first try. I also remember an RPG review where they complained that you would get thrown into random battles in the dungeons and field.
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 1:55 pm 


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Elixir wrote:
http://www.gamefaqs.com/xbox360/945315-ketsui-kizuna-jigoku-tachi-extra/reviews/review-142437


I came in here to post this exact review - awesome!


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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 3:34 pm 


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Quote:
especially when I'm sitting down to relax with some casual gaming.


He made it too obvious here.
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 7:18 pm 


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evil_ash_xero wrote:
That DeathSmiles review by that chick is certainly coming to mind...


Ahhh the age old pastime of stg review bashing :) heres the DS one with the chick, who states it as been a poor "bullet hell" experience lol

http://www.gameshark.com/reviews/3578/D ... Review.htm

Ill add this review, where the blind as a bat reviewer states that deathsmiles 360 is ugly http://www.gamefocus.ca/?nav=reviewCard&fid=9843

notice both of these sites dont have a comment box its asif the website owners know their reviewers are shite so got rid of all public critismn

one thing that i cant seem to get my head 'round is that games reviewers recomend for the mainstream and die hard fan type gamers. In the past reviewers would recommend only the very best titles in a given genre as been good enough for fans and mainstream alike, and the lower quality games for fans of the genre only. Todays reviewers seem to have this rule the wrong way round with reviewers recommending a game thats good enough for die hards and casuals alike when its a poor example of the genre with many aspects watered down
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 10:28 pm 



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still


Last edited by hail good sir on Tue Jun 11, 2013 1:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 10:41 pm 


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drunkninja24 wrote:
Ah, found the X-Play Mobile Light Force 2 review, sadly the video is no longer on the site:
http://g4tv.com/games/ps2/15330/mobile- ... -2/review/


Also for good measure, here's a video of their Raiden III review:
http://g4tv.com/videos/16425/Raiden-III-Review/

Both reviews horrible.


you beat me to the raiden III review. that one has always been my favorite bad review by far.
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 11:05 pm 


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Hahahahaha. That was great.
"What are you supposed to do? Turn the TV on its side?"

I had tears in my eyes I was laughing so hard. That's sig-worthy.
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 Post subject: Re: Amusingly bad reviews
PostPosted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 2:37 am 


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I remember X-Play's Ikaruga review was similarly painful. It was mostly silly aesthetic things (ie. 'drab, uninspired' graphics); but I'm sure some of yall would still relish the criticism now. >_>

Anyways, I think it's safe to file them under 'don't get it.'
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